This is a big ceremonial drum on a 20-inch maple hoop with a strong moose spirit that was plant-dyed in a rich, wine-red… the hoop is stained + finished, with the inner hoop stained red ochre + wood-burned with prayers, honouring the moose who gave its life to become this sacred drum… to be re-birthed with new life, spirit + sacred sound…

The mallet is from a found arbutus branch, finished + burned with a suede pocket…. the back of the drum is finished in a rainbow yarn wrap + black felt handle… Painted on the front in acrylics is an open red rose… tied to the back of the drum is a small wild turkey feather - of which i found on the ground next to the soaking bin, the morning of July 22nd (during her second birthing)… wild turkey holds the energy of ‘shared blessings’ and ‘harvest’ - marking the fire festival of Lughnasadh, the time of the first harvest on the Celtic wheel of life (which happens August 1st every year)...

I fastened to the top/sides of the drum, a hand-made 'blessing' scarf created by my friend, Gayla Meredith.  The scarf is attached with velcro + is removable, if needed.  Drums from the Siberian regions of Russia often have cloths or scarves (khadags) attached to their drums that are used for blessing…. when the drum is played with the intention of 'drawing down/in the spirits' or 'drawing down/in blessing power', the blessings or healing power pours… cloths tied to drums can also be used  to transfer this spirit power... ie., during a healing ceremony, face each of the four directions in turn, including the upper sky + lower earth powers, drum and ask for blessings to come into your drum in aid of the person you are offering the healing work for…

I have also infused the drum with the 2nd degree Reiki symbol, ‘Choku Rei’... which means, “place the power of the universe here now”... making this is a ‘healing sacred drum’ that holds good healing intention...

About the spirit of moose… One of the most obvious things that a moose animal totem symbolizes is immense strength + power... the sheer size of this animal gives it a certain prestige. This isn’t an animal that you want to upset. The strength of the male moose can also symbolize bravery and courage. They aren’t afraid to fight for what they want, even if it could result in a broken antler or death... other traits are... gentle, strong, brave, dominating, power-full, courageous, fast, enduring, agile, communal, graceful, adaptive…

I was guided to birth this sacred drum over six weeks ago and it’s been quite the journey for both of us… and, i know that She had her own journey - i was merely her hands in Her becoming… 

I also like to note that this sacred drum was birthed during the Lion’s Gate Activation Portal that happens every year in the astrological sign of Leo between July 26 through to August 12th... 

I began during the Pisces full moon in early July (2020), the process of soaking a very strong Moose hide… which had been cut from the upper middle shoulder part of the animal - probably the thickest part… i was thrilled to be working with a hide that held the backbone line through what would be the center of the drum - this doesn’t happen often as i attempt to use all parts of a hide, so as to not waste...

i was also experimenting with a new dye vat mixed of tumeric + other natural elements - mostly as an experiment to see what effect i may see, wondering how this moose hide would turn out… I was also dying some rattle heads in my red dye vat... and, to stop the dye process with the rattle heads, i transferred them from the red bin to the new tumeric bin.  I noticed the next morning that the rattle heads had stained the moose hide with large spots of red… “Oh, stink!” i said, “i guess this drum wants to be red”.. so i simply moved the hide over to the red vat.  

She was birthed not long after, however, i failed to pull her tight enough where the drum just wouldn’t come in to her voice… so, i sat with her for about two weeks hoping that she would eventually come into voice… disappointed i questioned many times if this drum was even meant to be… was i no longer strong enough to birth such a strong + big drum?  After many days sitting with this, i chose to take the drum apart and re-birth her all over again… something was definitely nudging me to not give up...

The morning i returned her moose hide to the soaking bin, i noticed a small turkey feather had fallen right next to the bin… i picked it up knowing that this spirit held special significance to this cycle of Lughnasadh...

What i didn’t know at that time until later, that this morning was July 22nd… the Feast of Mary Magdalene… hmmmnnn… interesting as it seemed that this drum was being divinely guided to perhaps, become an honouring sacred drum to the Magdalene + the divine feminine… ah ha!  She was calling me or prompting this process… it seemed right that she was to re-birthed...

I knew some about this beautiful goddess that represents divine love and was compelled to research some more the Magdalene… the one symbol that represents Her, that kept coming up, was the Rose… i thought wow, knowing that the rose is one of, if not the highest vibrational flowers/plant...

Rose is sacred...she is the closest thing to love in tangible form. Literally.  Her vibration is measured at 320 MHz.  She is as high as it gets in terms of ‘things we can actually see…’ and more...

During a Virgo new moon she was ready to birthed again, this time, after her drying gestation, she did come into finding her voice and my heart was thrilled… i have to admit she is a heavy drum because of her size + weight of the hide… her sound is different than any other drums i have birthed… she holds a good deep sound + resonates much healing energy out… even without playing Her!

In ceremony i painted her face with a large red rose during a Leo new moon on August 17/18th when i received a message, i feel from the Magdalene herself that this, Her sacred ceremonial drum is to sound the return of Her becoming… the return of the Divine Feminine… to sound + hold the intention of humanity to once again return to honouring our blessed earth Mother as our Source… to remember Her… to Respect Her… to love Her - for we wouldn’t be here without Her!

An added note… I was taught by a couple of teachers (one being, the wonderful Djembe drummer + feminist, Ubaka Hill) to never, ever ‘beat’ my drum… as we know, the sacred drum represents ‘Mother’ + the voice of the Mother and She has been raped, beaten + abused for far too long enough… perhaps we can watch our language we use about the sacred drum... knowing that our ‘words’ hold power + intention = our words create… also, i never call my mallet a ‘beater’... ‘cause when we deconstruct that word, ‘beater’ to...“beat - her”... knowing this i am mindful to longer call my mallet or stick that name… i also choose to ‘play’ my drum versus ‘beat’ or ‘beating’’ my drum...

Also, looking close up to this drum, you may notice that her hide may look somewhat ‘beaten up’… it has not.  Though, i believe that ‘Mary’ is perhaps showing us that the Mother is done with being abused + beaten up... and the marks + imperfections in the hide, remind us of that…

This sacred Ceremonial drum has found Her caretaker... if you have interest in my sacred work please, don’t hesitate to contact me  or visit my spirit art drums shop >>

blessed be + brightest blessings…
i am honoured to be offering this, my sacred work, thank you...
weaver x (((o)))

• all photos + video by weaver © 2020 copyright...

It’s been quite interesting during this time of isolation of the pandemic, the corona virus, covid-19... this morning a dear friend called it the, ‘isolation inflammation’...

When the covid/isolation lock-down began over a month ago, i have to admit i felt a huge wave of relief... where, we and the world could finally, simply, STOP.  

I actually haven’t minded the break at all... have enjoyed resting... ‘being’ and doing some long-overdue tasks that never seemed to get done when i was busy working + teaching.  

However, it’s also been a bit of a stressful time too - not knowing what’s next or when this pandemic will even be over... and, how it’s affecting so many people all over the planet... Many folk are sick and/or dying and numerous lives devastated.  It’s the not-knowing that is the strange feeling, that seems to sit somewhere un-known until...

...out of the blue, i suddenly feel guilty or a sadness comes over me - even some anxiety or fear... like i’m grieving something... or perhaps i’m feeling our Mother earth’s grieving... or what...?

This virus is affecting us all on a global level... and, a few of the positive things that have come out of this is that, just after a few weeks, of the world literally shutting down... it seems our Mother is getting a long-overdue, great big rest - just like us... a time to simply breathe and relax... a big collective ‘sigh’ and just ‘be-ing’...

And, what’s exciting is that all kinds of animals are showing themselves in places that they couldn’t before... waterways are clearing... pollution is lifting and so much more...

Is this a message from our dear Mother?  That perhaps we as a species can slow or halt climate change, if we only slow down and realize what’s truly important?  I myself thought this whole pandemic-thing was initially a ‘distraction’ away from the growing concern of our climate...

Whatever ‘this’ is... we may never know the why... though, what i do know is... when this pandemic is over, our way of being and our world will have shifted and changed... and now is a time where we as a global family can choose to dream our world into being... that our ‘old world’ is dying because it has to... because what we have been creating is not sustainable - it’s NOT working... 

Some wisdom-keepers are saying that we are the new midwives for our beautiful Mother... as she dreams her own dream into being... as we and She are being re-birthed into a whole new way of ‘be-ing’... We certainly live in interesting times eh?... x (((o)))

Below, is a simple ceremony... to help us honour and gently release grief/sadness... knowing that as we release ‘dark + heavy energy’* through ceremony... it falls to our Mother earth where She composts it back into Light... ie., ‘As we feed Her - She feeds us'... a beautiful reciprocal exchange, a sacred relationship...

I have held a “grief bundle” or mesa for a while now and work with it when i feel i need to... This is a simple process... an ancient practice that will honour our grief/sadness + release it through co-creation with the earth’s gifts of cleansing fire + salt through simple ceremony...

What you will need...

• a cloth - doesn’t matter what colour, though often black is often used...
• a white candle or two... (matches to light)...
• a small bowl of water...
• some salt - about 1/4 cup... (a natural salt like pink Himalayan is good)..
• some small stones or one stone (from the earth that represent your grief/sadness/fears)...
• anything else that you wish to include that represents your grief/sadness, etc...

Assemble all your items + to prepare/create ceremony... 
(can be offered inside or out)...

• be in a quiet space and mindfully open + create a container of sacred space around you... whichever way works for you, as it’s important to ‘be’ in a safe space (ie., turn off phones, etc)... 
• light the candle(s) - which opens the ceremony...
• place the salt in the bowl of water + mix...
• spend some time with each item you have chosen to represent your grief/sadness/fears and when you feel ready, using your breath with intention, blow your feelings into the stone... letting them go to our Mother earth - who will hold those feelings safe within Her belly... 
• sit within the peace of quiet for as long as you need... knowing that the salt water will draw the grief/sadness/fear out of your body... 
• when you feel complete, blow the candle(s) out - which completes the ceremony... and close your sacred space around you...
• your can either wrap your bundle or place as an altar in a special sacred place in your home... 

You can choose to offer this ‘grief ceremony’ as many times as you feel you need to... and when you feel ready, you can disperse the stones back to the earth by burying them, or placing them in the ocean - which will also continue to clear for you...  

It’s an honour to share this simple, yet powerful process with you...
it is my hope it can help during this time or anytime you are in need...
with much love + light, weaver x (((o)))

*NOTE:  ‘dark and heavy energy’ (like grief/sadness, etc) is not negative, positive or bad energy... it’s just simply ‘heavy and dark‘... and it can weigh us down... This type of energy doesn’t serve and often, it’s not even ours to hold... See energy as light or dark, and know the ‘dark’ can be released easily... we don’t have to feel we have to hold onto it... One of the many gifts our blessed earth Mother offers is, She can release that ‘dark’ energy for us - She transforms it, like compost, back into Light - which is who we truly are! 

NOTE:  re washing or what to do with the stone/stones after...
it’s up to you what you choose to do with your stone/stones... check in with them + ask.. sometimes stones have done their work + tell you they need dispersing... they are the wise ones + the story-tellers of our blessed Mother... the land.  and they will tell you.. use all your senses to hook in, ask + listen... as we all connect in different ways.. some see, some feel, some hear, taste, etc.. etc... hope that helps... 
with brightest blessings of much love, wx (((o)))

Back in 2006, during a sacred fire ceremony, i caught a moment’s glimpse of our circle ‘stepping into our becoming’ of who ‘we’ truly are... 

crystals carried...
mindfully left behind with
light-lined mountain spirit...

rumble sounds from deep within our Mother...

lying on my back letting go... letting go...
it’s okay... just letting go...

spirials of feather wands and stones...
drumming my core out and in again...

’round and ‘round we go...
again and again...
purple flamed fires
there... reflect...

our beautiful circle...

standing up... standing ready...
within all our glory...
​power-full!

eyes shining bright... faces so star-aware...
reclaiming who we truly are...

our blessed earth Mother...
Her children... re-membering...
we love... 

with brightest blessings... x (((o)))
​by weaver © 14/08/2006

"Mother, Bear...
   invites me...
      into her darkly cave...
         where silence surrounds... the answers She gave..."

 "Interesting..."
is a word you may hear me utter... usually when i can't explain something... or i've experienced something profound through Spirit...  Recently i had a re-visit from Mother Bear... a spirit Bear...

​It seems my life's journey holds quite a magical bent... and, often feel like i don't know what i'm doing half the time... oh, i know that's a self-judgement... though i do "keep on keeping on"... staying on my path as best i can... and when i allow... 'magical stuff' can happen and will show up... usually when i least expect it... 

Recently, i was chatting with a dear friend about my creative process... and, how my own intuitional knowing doesn't always inform at the time i would prefer it... though, my inner knowing, creative sourcing will often kick in much later, sometimes days or weeks later or... my knowing informs in a whole different route than expected.  I would never claim i'm psychic though, know i'm definitely spirit-guided, individually intuitive with much gratitude... i am so blessed with a heck of a lot of unseen help from the Spirit realm... I am one lucky bum...

"living breathing light...
push kawsay holographic...
i know i'm out there..."  --Haiku by weaver...  

The word, "kawsay" (pronounced cow-sai), comes from the beautiful Quechua indigenous language meaning, "living breathing energy... life force, energy that animates the universe: it comes from the collective, from genetics and from spiritual energy... life, everything is energy; of the major organizing principles... energy that permeates all of Creation on various vibrational levels..." 

One potent teaching i received during my years of advanced shamanic training was to practice "pushing the kawsay"... This word reminds me of the Gaelic phrase, "Òran Mór" which means, the 'Great Song' of the Universe... where, everything has a song... it's own frequency and vibration... everything is singing!

Back in high school, an art teacher i had, eventually realized that it was best to remove me completely from the classroom, in order for me to be able to connect with 'my muse' and get some work done... as i tended to be over-disruptive during class... Mrs. Plummer would assign an art project where everyone would begin creating except me... i'd just sit there, staring about, not knowing what to do for the duration of the class, goofing off... It's like, i had to kick the assignment 'out there' to the art-goddess or whatever, and patiently wait for 'it', whatever 'it' was, to return back to me when 'it' was ready... i couldn't force it - believe me, i tried... 

Often, Mrs. Plummer, frustrated with my behaviour, would set me up alone in an empty classroom with art materials and sure enough, i'd eventually create - the 'muse' would finally fall out of me and i create stuff i never even knew i could create = was that me that did that?... I know now that i was perhaps"pushing the kawsay"...  I also visited the Principal's office way too often...

We're presently in the cycle of Lughnasadh  or Lúnasa from the Celtic realm of Scotland + Ireland... also known as Lammas in England... a seasonal one of four fire festivals... marking the time of harvest before the Celtic New Year of Samhain arrives at the end of October... On the wheel of life, we're also in the direction of the West, the time of the 'falling leaves' who teach us how to simply 'let go' with ease and grace... A dear friend recently shared with me that the leaves have "worked for and created much...they give to protect Mother Earth - there is much to learn here..."

Lughnasadh marks the beginning cycle of the noticeable descent of the Sun into the darkness of winter.  From the connection between the Earth (female principle) and the Sun (male principle), the union of the Sky Father (Sun God) with the Earth Mother we celebrated at Bealtaine, emerge the fruits of the first harvest of the year... Lughnasadh is a time of joy and celebration about the first fruits.  It is also a time of tension, because the dark days of winter are coming nearer, and most of the harvest is not brought in and stored away quite yet.

So, during this turning of the wheel is also a place of 'going within'  and introspection as we move more and more into  a cave of darkness, as our dear Mother slowly goes to sleep to deeply rest and regenerate during the cycle of winter... 

Three and a half years ago, before we moved to Gabriola, i had a very strong dream about a huge mother bear that 'sniffed me out'... I wrote about this powerful dream on my blog back in 2016 >>  I know that this dream marked a shift for my partner and i, in finding a new home... where, now we live on beautiful Gabriola Island, a 20-minute ferry ride from Nanaimo,  BC...  We never dreamed of living here before that dream...

​Interesting...

​Living here has been nothing short of magical where, every day we both continue to pinch ourselves... so deeply aware of the amazing blessings we continue to receive... with many new close friends, a nurturing supportive community and holy wow, a stunning beautiful sacred land to live upon the ancient sacred unceded territory of the Snuneymuxw people...

This past week, i was being called (more than once), to go back to a special place, a good walk from our home... to visit a very large stone-being i had unexpectedly met on one of my walks, a couple of years ago.  I seem to connect with big stone beings... they often like to reveal their faces to me... why, i do not know...

I recall being guided  off the main road to a trail i wasn't aware of... There was a sign that read, "public access"... so, i cautiously climbed down the steep, rocky-rooted trail... that led me to a high cliff above the ocean.  What a beautiful place i had stumbled on and i was all by myself and it felt so good to be there!...  I hold a fond memory of sitting in reverent silence for a long time on that sunny-warmed boulder... 

I was moved to explore, hiked around, up and down the dry, wild terrain... the place felt particularly special... inviting... covered in crunchy long grasses, stones, fallen branches, lichen, old gnarly arbutus, garry oak, maples, towering rock walls and honkin' huge boulders... I was drawn to head over to one very grand stone... right at the edge of the cliff... i asked permission to come close and was invited to connect with this big being... 

Again, i sat in still reflection as i gratefully leaned my stiff back into the side of this big loving rock that was probably 30-40 feet long and say,15 or more feet tall at her high point - she was one huge presence!... i made an offering of thanks for the gift of just  'being' in and on this beautiful sacred space, adoring the feeling of being deeply supported... sensed healing vibrations filling my body and weary soul...  I had such a wonder-full time with myself that afternoon filled with much gratitude and appreciation... 

Heading back up the rough trail to go home, i remember being nudged to turn around, being blown away by what my eyes saw, where i had just been, though didn't realize... that i had been communing, connecting with one very large Mother Stone Bear!! 

There she was in all her majesty, revealing herself from her side perspective - she was a megalith and oh, that shining face!  This was one big bear... a Mother Bear.   I stood there forever within utter awe... i couldn't take my eyes off of her... my heart safely opened... I was drawn to take a photograph of her because she was so stunningly beautiful... especially the way the warm sun lit up her sleek kind face... I'm so glad i still have that photo of her...

Interestingly... ... the spirit of the Bear sits in the West on the Great Song-Wheel of Life... representing introspection, reflection, slowing down, rest, respite, death and rebirth... going within during falling leaves time, to enter her embracing dark cave... to hibernate, heal + regenerate... Bear can also represent primal power, sovereignty and right-brain intuition coupled with instinct...  She also connects us to the beauty of art... re-bonding us with the very deepest of our ancestral roots within the belly of the Mother... She helps us to be in touch with the Primal Mother - the Bear Goddess Artio who will defend you fiercely from all uncertainty... 

Ancestral roots?... ... interesting...

The cave of Mother Bear is where She seeks answers while hibernating and dreaming... She then lazily awakens in the Spring, just like all the colours that emerge, awakening the power of the unconscious... Mother Bear asks us to walk the path of inward silence of the West ... to calm our inner chit-chat... the place of rites of passage... a path to the dreamtime... to dream our lives into being... along side with our dear Mother's own dreaming... 

This last week out walking, with full intention of honouring a strong pull to go back ... to visit the Mother Bear Rock once again...  Somehow i knew i needed to go though, wasn't really sure why... Was She calling me?... i don't know...

However, when arriving at the spot i remembered where the trail down to the cliff was, i noticed that there were new "private property" signs up to the right of the "public access" sign entrance... 

I carefully made my way down the rocky dry uneven trail... when i inched sideways further, there was also, a chain-link fence up, blocking the whole way to get down to where i knew Mother Bear was at the cliff's edge. 

I was royally annoyed.  Why was this barrier keeping me from visiting Mother Bear!...  I was sure She was calling me... Maybe not.  What happened to the 'public access' that's no longer public? What?... Whoever had bought the adjacent property next to the 'public access' marker had completely blocked any entry down to cliff's edge anymore... How dare they?

Yearning for another way... i was determined to get to Her and know why i was being so called...  I made my way down along the stupid fence... and, off to the left, discovered a steep climb towards the lower cliff though, noticed there was yet, another 'no trespassing' sign at the bottom...  Stink.  I'm really not going to get there, am i?.... not legally anyways... I began to make my way down though soon was 'told to stop'... I climbed back up, irked.

I kept asking myself, "Why was this being so difficult, being blocked?" ... Had i not been respectful with the Spirits?  Do i need to ask permission? 

I haven't asked permission...

I humbly asked with an old tree that was poking itself out horizontally towards the sun and Salish Sea... i pulled a small stone out of my pocket, mindfully blew some prayer though it, tucking as an offering in the bark of the tree, then sat down in deflated silence... i asked...

Awaiting some kind of reply, i heard a raven vocal-ing above... as shared air swished through her wings as she passed over, landing in a nearby branch... i asked again.

"You can connect with me from here now you know..." I heard in the middle of my head... I smiled, "Of course, i know that..."  The inner voice then whispered... "Go to Drumbeg..."

Go to Drumbeg?... huh?... that didn't make sense... Drumbeg Park is at the other end of the island... I didn't trust the last message... what i thought i had heard... 

​I sat for bit longer with the tree... feeling kind of bothered and disappointed though, enjoyed the birds flying about... As i mentioned, i usually don't "get" messages like other intuitive folk seem so easily - i'm often intrigued and impressed by their adeptness in this world... if i'm lucky, and if i'm listening, a teaching or message often comes much later... usually in an unexpected or round about way... (what else is new?)...

Discouraged, i stood up to leave... i gave up... thinking i should just go home to get some work done... making my way up the same route i had come down... got in the car and drove to Drumbeg instead... Why not?  It's a beautiful sunny day... I can work later... i should treasure these last warm days of summer...

"I didn't hold you when you were born...
cuz I knew you were going to be adopted so soon...
I didn't name you either... couldn't do it... it was just too hard..."
--Marlene, my birth mother...
​

I love the beautiful scenic drive to Drumbeg Park... 15 minutes later, i arrived at the other end of the park...  with wooden flute in hand, made my way down a narrow path navigating over a number of large washed up logs and entered the beach.  I looked around noticing there were some tourists off to my left... so... gazed over to my right and was thrilled to see one amazing rock wall - of which i hadn't noticed at that side before!

I was drawn to head over to the rock wall to check it out.... Getting closer i noticed one very intriguing large boulder rock - that had been eroded from the inside out over time by the sea and frost... We have many large sandstone and rock like this all over the island - many of which you can crawl or sit within... One of our island's most famous is the Malaspina Galleries at the north end of the island off Taylor Bay Road.

I carefully edged my way around this huge rock and noticed from it's back, it held quite an interesting, almost Mayan-like profile of a face... 

I explored rock to rock along the wall face investigating the natural niches along the stone face... then turned around and inched my way back towards the big rock...

I was invited to climb up and get inside this intriguing rock being... i tucked my flute into my pants and scaled my way up and in and sat down on the dusty floor inside... all around me were quite a few eroded holes right though the wall of the rock where i could see through.  I got myself settled in the cocoon space and pulled out my flute... i attempted to blow for a bit enjoying the cool acoustics within... Not long after, i gave up, put my flute down and just sat in silence... perhaps i may receive a message in this old ancient stone?...

I could hear the ocean waves crashing on the beach not far away as well as the rush of the strong rip tide... Looking out was a very tall cedar tree dancing in the light winds... overhead, a stellar's jay flew in and out it's branches chattering noisily... there were wispy angel clouds sailing that beautiful afternoon....

I sat still for about 40 minutes or so enjoying the smells and the sounds - shot some silent video of the view out... blew flute and to no avail - no sense of any message or 'hit'... why was i here???

i savoured 'being' inside this old stone... there was something soothing... embracing though couldn't seem to settle myself... So sensing good ol' time was going by, i eventually climbed back out and down onto the beach, then headed back to the car after scanning the beach for washed up treasures like, interesting small branches of driftwood and drove home...

I still felt somewhat miffed that i didn't get to see and be with the big Mother Bear Rock back off Canso Road earlier... though did enjoy my time at Drumbeg and i wasn't sure why Mother Bear asked me to go there???  Probably because i needed to let the latter piece go... 

The next day, i suddenly realized that i had indeed been with Mother Bear spirit at Drumbeg all along... I had been sharing my lovely afternoon with my partner there when, it hit me like a ton of bricks... that the big ol' rock i had climbed into and sat within in so long... i had been held in the arms of Mother Bear!!!

Mother Bear had held me................. and, i wept...

Then, two old memories surfaced out of nowhere... I remembered two times when i was quite young, incidents where i had been 'held' against my will...

I remember when i was about 3/4... my (adopted) mom attempted to force feed me a boiled egg... i didn't want to eat the damn egg - though she really wanted me to eat that egg, and, wouldn't let me go until i did... I fought and fought her trying to get away from her... though i couldn't cuz she held me so tight against her... i screamed and yelled as she pushed and shoved the egg into my tight-lipped mouth... Crumbled egg was everywhere.........eventually she did let me go...

I still dislike eggs to this day.

The other incident was when i was little older, though still very young about 5...

One afternoon at home my (adopted) dad had his friend + accountant for the Farm business over.  This man i won't name, had come to bring my dad's completed income tax back and they had sat down in the living room for a drink of whiskey.  I don't know where my mother was at the time though i remember hanging around like a kid would. 

At one point, the man grabbed me and put me on his knee... I told him i didn't want to sit on his knee though, he just laughed bouncing me up and down on his knee.  I told him again that i wanted to get down because i had to go to the bathroom... Both my dad and he seemed to find this very funny... with a drink in one hand and with his other arm, held me tight against his chest continually bouncing me up and down... up and down... i started to cry... pleading with him to let me down as i really had to go... he wasn't listening and....

i peed all over his lap................................

Laughing, he released me to the floor and i ran away feeling so shamed and embarrassed... I don't even remember what happened after that - though i wondered where my mother was during the whole ordeal?  And, to this day i wonder why my dad allowed his friend to go on as long as he did... Why didn't he look out for me?.... and ask his friend to let me go?  I'll guess i'll never know why?

Being held against my will... not feeling safe while being 'held'... 
I was never held by my birth Mother.........................

Interesting...............

Though, Mother Bear Rock... an old cold, stone, rock 'held me' within Her warm safe embrace... and, thinking back to my beautiful guided afternoon.... i did feel very safe... safe with the Mother... my blessed earth Mother...

Thank you Mother Bear... thank you...  i know you continue to hold me...

and, I am glad i can go back to visit Her anytime from anywhere... and will...
and, perhaps she'll have a message for me... later........................ x (((o)))

by carol weaver, copyright by weaver © 2019

Mother Bear stone rock photos by weaver © copyright 2017/2019...

Added March 22, 2020... 
​It was She who called me to come back today...... x (((⭕️))) come be held... ❣️

I'm thrilled and excited, along with my wonderful friend, Allannah... we both welcome you to...

Come join us to celebrate the light of who we truly are through sacred sound, music and song for a...

Summer Solstice Journey of Light Ceremony Soundscape with...
Allannah Dow, cello + voice and,
carol weaver, drums, strings + voice

Tuesday evening, June 20, 2017
at the  Gabriola Theatre Centre
1475 Peterson Road, Gabriola Island, BC

Tickets $20-$30 sliding scale and available to reserve at North Road Sports, 510 North Road, Gabriola, BC

​The show starts at 7:30 pm - doors open at 7pm... 
There will be some tickets available at the door
​- please reserve/purchase at North Road Sports...

How to offer and prepare a sacred fire ceremony for letting go and deep healing...
​by weaver...

In almost all cultures all over the world, the offering of fire ceremony or ritual is one of, if not, the oldest traditions known.  

The element of fire was most important  for ancient peoples, literally for survival.  Fire helped keep them warm from the harsh elements, it cooked their food and protected them from predators.  Also, the fire, the hearth was a central hub for the community or the family - meetings and councils were held including time to gather in traditional ceremony, rites of passage and respite.
 
Ceremonially, while we engage with sacred fire, we choose to connect "as one" with fire with all our senses - allowing the spirit of fire to inform and transform us.  

In our work walking the shamanic path, we have also been taught to engage with four specific levels of engagement:  

• Serpent, at the physical level - we know that we need to sit by the fire...
• Jaguar, at the emotional level - we realize that we must bring with us our love and curiosity...
• Hummingbird, at the mythic level - we offer our contribution without comprehending how it fits into the collective dream...
• Eagle, at the level of Spirit - we see the larger picture before us and know and understand the totality of the dream without being able to express it or define it. We choose to feel immersed in love and connected to all - as everything is connected...

​During ceremony, we no longer experience the “I”... we engage mindfully along and with the power and wonder of spirit.   Choosing to connect, "we" become the fire, the sparks, the light, the smoke, the sound of the wood crackling, the moon and the stars, each other and ourselves, no one and everyone.
 
The transformational fire ceremony is done on the full or new moon of each month - in the window of 1-2 days before or after.  It is a time for us to come together as ayllu (community) to support each other in sacred circle - to create a safe, sacred container - to ask the sacred fire to help us let go "our stuff" -  to let go of the heavy, dark energies (hucha or hoocha) - those energetic issues that no longer serve us.

"Hucha" is a Quechua word that means, "heavy and dark energy" - it holds no judgement, is not negative or positive - it's just heavy and dark, simple as that - no drama.   Heavy or dense energy generated by resistance to life in the form of stress-related attachments.  Resistance is typically fear-based - Its energy constricts.  Fear hinders the natural flow of energy through the luminous body.  When this occurs, hucha accumulates.

Accumulated hucha gets stuck in our luminous field - which can keep us bound in many ways.  Hucha is only created between humans and we pick it up through our relations when we are out of "Ayni"  of reciprocity, balance, harmony - right relationship; sacred interchange.

So, it's good to let go of our hoocha - like taking a bath (in water) for our physical body - we are cleansing our light-body, our luminous self with fire.

The sacred fire is a transformational gift of healing freely given to us.  When we release hucha at the sacred fire, it becomes food for mother earth who then composts it and turns it into food that sustains life.  Hucha is thus important to humanity.  The act of releasing or letting go "our stuff' to mother earth is a sacred act of giving and receiving.  I love knowing that I don't have to fear giving away my hoocha to her because it feeds her and she feeds me.  I thank you great mother for this gift and for teaching me this.

Below are instructions on how to prepare and offer an outside sacred fire ceremony.  This can be a community or solo/small ceremony.  Have a sacred intention for the fire so those who are attending know why they are gathering.  

In the Andean Shamanic Path, we are given ceremonial rites of passage in the (first) South Direction of the Inca Medicine Wheel - One of those rites is the seeding of the Ayni Karpays - where, an archetype is blown into each of our seven chakras.

​Part of our homework/stepping into the path as shaman-healer, is to feed and grow these seeds/karypays with sacred fire. We are asked to offer seven individual fires for each archetype before coming to the next session of the West direction...  

Preparation.
Before coming to  fire ceremony, find a small stick in nature - perhaps one that calls you.  With this stick you will create an offering to give away to the sacred fire to be burnt.   We sometimes call this stick a "spirit arrow" or "death arrow" representing an issue or something you want to let go of.

To begin the process of letting go - that which no longer serves you, with the spirt of your breath (as your intention), blow your issue three times into stick - giving it away fully.  We do not re-engage with the issue, we simply give it away.   Doing this serves to focus your attention in an active meditation to prepare for fire ceremony.  You can also write your issues down on small bits of paper and wrap them around the stick or decorate if you wish, though, not necessary - the intention blown-in is good.  If you are adding to the stick, just make sure that you are using combustibles that will burn easily and safe for the environment.  No plastics, etc.
 
Prepare a Pachamama Stick.  Have someone choose and bring a "Pachamama stick" to circulate during the fire ceremony for prayers and intentions for Pachamama - to hold/intend/pray with mother earth's present healed state.

Set the fire prior to the ceremony.   Someone will be the fire-keeper.  Someone will be the space holder.  Begin by placing the kindling in the form of a Southern Cross and then build a teepee of wood – starting to build from the east with 4 separate sticks. This process is a prayer – be mindful of what you are doing – creating ceremony, right action, right loving, right mind - give thanks to the tree people for offering their body for the fire.

The space holder will begin the ceremony with those gathered/ready around the fire-pit.  For any ceremony always open sacred space – call in the sacred directions, south, west, north, east, mother earth, father sky. 

The fire-keeper will light the fire from the east direction.  Begin a chant and drumming/ rattling to honour and encourage the fire.
 
As the fire begins to burn,  the space holder will feed the fire with olive oil three times:  offered first to the four directions, then heaven and earth, and, last connecting the circle with the fire by honouring “all” those present, while holding the oil, one-by-one, acknowledging each person eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart - connect with them so they connect with you -  for all to come to presence.
 
Test the fire for friendliness. The moment the fire becomes friendly it changes colour and burns in a different manner, settling down some.  This change will be learned from direct observation and experience with the fire; it will be discovered by the student/space holder and those present.
 
When the fire is friendly, the space holder opens the ceremony of offerings by making their
offering first to the fire (with someone at their back - holding space for them).
 
All others then make their offerings to the fire coming in from the four directions.  One person holds space behind each of them. Each person approaches the fire and silently puts their offering into the fire (with someone at their back) – letting go.   Take a moment once you place your stick mindfully in the fire, be aware of what you are doing - connect with the fire as it begins to consume "your stuff".  Be aware of the transformation occurring in this moment... your "hucha" is being transformed into light as it feeds the fire.

Let go by unwinding, with your hand (counter clockwise) from your three centers, one at time.. from belly, heart, forehead/3rd eye and give away any hucha/heavy energy to the fire.  Fully let it all go - know it.

Then, after a moment, put your hands briefly through the fire (three times) drawing clockwise filling the energy of the fire and transformed healing light into your belly area (of right action), then into your heart (of right loving), and then the forehead/third eye (of right thinking/mind) – you are filling back up with that light (transformed).  Feel this with all your senses - be present with this transformation of healing the fire is offering you.  Give thanks for the gift of letting go, emptying and filling yourself back up with light and healing.

The only protection when touching the fire is to come before it with a pure heart.  You can touch it lightly or go deeply into the flame.  It is not meant to be sensational or dramatic, though rather a way to focus attention and energy upon one’s transformation.
 
Meanwhile, the Pachamama stick is being passed around the circle for all to place their blessing and prayers for mother earth... by blowing their sprit-breath into the stick... to hold her healed state in the present moment - we are the "ones we've been waiting for" choosing to hold and dream our world into being as we wish to dream it.  Again, use all your senses during this process - as if the healing has already happened in the present moment.  It is our resonance of who we truly are which will fuel our dreamings.  
 
Next, after all the offerings are made, the oldest person or youngest person places the Pachamama stick in the fire.  Sing and rattle the Pachamama Song as the stick burns.... singing three times is good.

As the fire burns down - this is an opportunity to offer prayers for the community, those who are close to us, globally.  This is also a time to name those who have recently passed over - to lovingly let them know it's okay for them to go home to who they truly are.  When everyone feels complete...
 
Close sacred space - giving thanks to the sacred directions and those spirit-helpers seen and un-seen who were present.
 
At least two people, ideally one male and one female, or who is called, stay with the fire until it is burned down to embers – let the fire naturally burn right out - please, no water on the fire.  If necessary - in the case of an emergency, dirt can be used to smother the fire - use your common sense - if the fire needs to be put out in because of emergency, put it out as quickly as possible.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, it can difficult to hold or attend an outdoor fire ceremony - especially if we live in areas where outdoor fires are banned.  

Walking a shamanic path is about engagement of beauty and intention - we can choose to engage with the transformation of fire in the presence of a simple candle indoors or out.
​
Preparation.  Again, before any ceremony, or a shamanic candle ceremony, always create and open sacred space by calling in the energies and powers of all the directions... this is essential.
 
Light a beautiful candle and sit before it.  If you are outside and it is safe and permissible, light your fire.   Be aware of fire bans where you are (never leave unattended) making sure it is completely out before you leave.
 
Next, open your personal space around the flame as you light it.  Open your wiracoacha (personal sacred space around you) Allow a few moments in meditation, honour the directions and anyone else including the spirits present.  Then, offer to the flame all that has come up since the last fire ceremony, for purification and clearing – let go by unwinding with your hand (counter clockwise) from your 3 centers, one at time.. from belly, heart, 3rd eye and give away any hucha/heavy energy to the fire/candle light...
 
Growing the seed of your archetype/karpay... or, filling back up with light...
Connect with the archetype/karpay you wish to grow the seeds for. Connect with its qualities and its gifts you may wish to visualize the entire initiation process of the archetype/karpay.
           
Now, take from the flame the light and warmth into your hands as if you were holding a golden orb.  Place this orb of light into your chakra (the one relevant to that archetype/karpay you are working with), begin to grow the seed in that chakra.  Feel the power of the light and the warmth accepted and embraced by the seed of the archetype/karpay...  use all your senses as you do this... feel it... know it... embrace it...
 
Allow the power of the archetype/karpay (or light)  to expand and grow within you.
Finally, when feeling complete, rewind clockwise each center, belly, heart, 3rd eye....
           
Know that through the light and warmth offered at the fire ceremony, the seed is grown and strengthened within you until you fully claim and live the power of the archetype/karpay.
 
Finally, once you have finished the Fire Ceremony for the archetype/karpay you are working with, it is essential that you close your personal sacred space... Close sacred medicine space... if outside, make sure candle/fire is completely out and leave space as you found it – with no trace, giving thanks to the helpers + spirits who have come to guide you...
 
Continue to connect with each archetype/karpay in between fires... get to know them...

• 1st chakra Root: Great Serpent
• 2nd chakra: Jaguar
• 3rd chakra... Hummingbird
• 4th chakra:  Eagle/Condor.
• 5th chakra: Huascar
• 6th chakra: Quetzalcoatl
• 7th chakra Crown: Pachakuti

By carol weaver - www.carolweaver.com
copyright © 2016 - all rights reserved

Resources from www.incaglossary.org  and Alberto Villoldo, PhD - thank you!

Below, the chant, Karpay Rites - Welcome Song to the Archetypes - written + performed by weaver...

I share what i have learned with the heart of munay... if you have found value + wish to support my  work... perhaps consider buying me a coffee, thank you!

​"This stone i place here to mark 
​this Singing Moon-Time of Abundance + Passing Within with the Wisdom of Grandmother Wolf... 

May her sacred teachings help me to become more deeply human..."

It's been an interesting time here on Gabriola these last few days as the month of September rolled in...

The crisp scents of Fall are definitely in the air as we move into this next cycle around the wheel... reminding us to think about getting prepared for the coming winter... The Farmer's Almanac is predicting a cold one this year...  One task we managed so far is, to get a couple of cords of wood delivered, stacked and ready  - quite the job to say the least... an opportunity to use those muscles i haven't used in quite some time = holy whoa!

I give many thanks to those Standing Ones, those trees who gave their lives so our home can be warm this coming winter...

This last week showed me some teaching about letting go - when you least expect it... especially with what i had planned for this recent past New Moon... i had journeying circles planned both for September 1st here on Gabriola and another for Vancouver this week - when i travel over for the Luminous Path which is beginning a new round...

And so what came into being was, both circles were not meant to happen... i won't go into the reasons why, other than to say, that each one had it's own releasings for not happening...  

I have to admit i was surprised that both ended up being cancelled... even after some of my own questionings, resistence and attempts to TRY and make them happen, i came to the realization that it was indeed all okay to let both circles go this time... perhaps good ol' Mercury Retrograde had a hand - who knows?

I also had to get over worrying about disappointing those who had planned to come... 

​When i was preparing for these next circles - Grandmother Wolf offered her guidance....She who teaches us about moving from the West to the North... the Teacher with sharp instinct and intelligence... sacred wisdom, the Sage and Elder... reminding us of our dear Ancestors who paved the way for us... gifting us with stamina... resilience... always reminding us of our own knowingness... 

It was the Cedar trees who spoke to me, asking if we could connect together - especially those here on Gabriola, who have been dying since our summer's long dry drought...  

Some folk we have met, who have lived on Gabriola a long time, mentioned that, over the years, the water table on the island has been shifting in response to climate change... confirming the beautiful cedars are feeling it the most...   in the last number of weeks, we have been saddened to witness that a lot of the cedar trees are dying rapidly all over the island...  The fire department was also announcing that they're concerned they are now becoming a fire hazard.

We give thanks for the recent rains that have come... helping to nourish our dry island home, the blessed trees and all her kin...

The English word, 'Cedar' comes from the Hebrew 'Qatar', meaning to smudge... indicating cedar wood was used in purification rituals and cleansing... The smoke of the cedar leaves are very cleansing and clearing of the energy/luminous body and spaces... First Nation peoples have and continue to use the sacred cedar to purify and cleanse in all aspects of life using all parts of the tree for housing, art, clothing, cleansing and ceremony ... The sacred Cedar was also known in many world cultures as the Tree of Life... the 'God/ess' tree... With blessed cedar, draw Earth energy and ground yourself, place the palms of your hands against the ends of the leaves...

So, if our New Moon journeying circle did happen, i was going to invite us to journey with Grandmother Wolf to the sacred Cedars, to simply connect with them and check-in... and so, because we're not meeting physically.... 

Suggested Journey...
​or, create your own...

This is the time of Passing Within... the cycle of Lammas and the element of water... This is the path of the mature adult who seeks to live responsibly and to bring healing... to find enlightenment to become more deeply human...

I invite you to explore this pathway when you wish to understand how best to act when the 'stuff' of life becomes overwhelming... when you seek peace in all ways......

I invite you to face the sacred directon of the West and... with all your senses embrace the colours, the sounds, smells and taste of Fall... connect with the Sacred Waters of Mother Ocean... her life-blood streams... her rivers and lakes... re-membering that 'water-knows-all-water indeed informs all water...

Find a beautiful place in nature you love or imagine where the grand Cedars reside near where you live... with Grandmother Wolf as your guide... She invites you to listen to the birds singing high in the Cedars... 

With Grandmother beside you, ask her to take you on a journey to the place of the singing Cedars... say hello when you greet them... create a sacred space in a circle including the Standing Ones and yourself...

Offer the Tall Ones an offering of gratitude for who they are and the gifts they freely give us.... for we wouldn't be here without the trees... as we breathe them and they breathe us... thank them for sheltering us... for warming us... for cleansing us... and feeding us in many ways......

Sit down with your back to one Old Tall One and connect deeper... again, use all your senses when you merge with her or him... feel the rough bark on your skin.. smell the musty damp moss in your nose... look up and embrace how s/he embraces you.... and listen deeply for a message s/he may share with you....................... take some time with this............................

 When you feel you have received your message or sense of one... hold the essence of that message-gift sweetly cupped in both hands in front of your heart center... gently blow with the spirit of your breath into your hands three times.... feel it... know it... receive it.... and then mindfully place that essence into your heart... giving thanks....

Now, offer your gratitude and healing for those Cedars who are passing within.... You're invited to hold a vision of their healed state as if it has already happened within this present moment... while holding this vision-dreaming, use all your senses of what that would feel and look like - drive it with your strong emotion resonance and vibration... know this is happening right now... dream it into being....... hold it strong for as long as you are guided....

When your journey feels complete... return back to where you began.... again, give gratitude for this blessed opportunity... close your sacred space and come back into the room or where you are...  close your own physical sacred circle-space and make note of any teachings or guidance you received during your journey...  also know that deeper awareness may still come later...

If you feel called, offer ceremony with a gift or despacho to the Sacred Cedars near you and/or hold them within your own mesa or bundle...

I welcome you to share any insights you may have received in the comment below... so we can share with each other as we do when we gather to journey... to share our wisdom and the knowings from Grandmother Wolf and the Sacred Cedars...
I thank you for connecting in and caring ... for they thank you too...

Wishing you many bright blessings...
with much love + light.. weaver x (((o)))

below... the blessed sacred Cedars of Gabriola....... 
photos by weaver x 

Above post, shamanic journey meditation + photos by weaver © 2016 - all rights reserved...
- the 20-minute journey drumming track, 'riding the wave' with rattle can be purchased + downloaded at cdbaby.com - from the album, 'journey with laughing wolf'
​- thank you for supporting my work... with appreciation, weaver x (((o)))

Holy wow... you never know when life will throw a curve ball at you...

At the beginning of January, my partner and i received notice to move from the lovely home we've called home over the last few years.

This notice came out of nowhere and we certainly weren't expecting it. The owners informed us that their lives had shifted and they needed to move back in the space we've been renting.

Whoa! Now?

Of course when something like this happens, it's never good timing... We were shocked... and i know i went through the many phases of that shock... not knowing where we'll be next is a big part of that...
And so, we are now in the throes of packing up our home and squeezing it all into cardboard boxes... searching for a new place to live while at the same time keeping the balance of work and daily life...

Not long after hearing, we chose to offer a despacho ceremony... to offer our gratitude for the time we have had here in this beautiful space and community... and to offer our intentions of what and where we wish to land in our new home - wherever that will be...

There are many types of despachos offered in the Andean cosmology and daily life...

The 'despacho gift' we chose to create in ceremony was an ayni/gratitude gift for our blessed earth mother, Pachamama.... (see our photo above).

Flowers, leaves and combustible ingredients like grains, aromatic dried plants and sweets are added in layers on top of a piece of wrapping paper.

Every item is 'prayed through' and holds meaning as it is placed mindfully in mandala form.
​
When the despacho is complete, it is wrapped up, just like a gift, tied with a ribbon and then offered to a sacred fire for transformation to the light - to be freely given away to the helping spirits and mother earth - to give thanks in right relationship (ayni)...

We lovingly created our despacho andplaced it in our sacred fire  in the hearth to burn.

We turned our backs in respect to allow the spirits to 'consume' our prayer-gift.... as our gift burned, i offered some soft drumming to hold space... to honour our sweet spirit-helpers doing this work on our behalf...

When we knew it had been fully burnt, we turned to sit on the couch together to watch the fire continue to burn... A few minutes later, we both realized that we were hearing soft drums drumming from what seemed a distance away...

At first, we thought perhaps the drummers were outside somewhere...
Though we soon realized that the drums drumming were actually coming right from the fire! ...The flames were actually dancing to the rhythm of the spirit drums drumming...

We sat in complete awe for quite some time listening to the 'fire drummers' drumming for us - knowing on a deep level that our heart-gift had been accepted and acknowledged in such a beautiful way... that, we were receiving such a blessed gift from our helpers who were supporting us...

Our hearts were opened and we felt so blessed in much joy!!!... a moment we shall never forget and hold so dear in our hearts confirming that we are never alone...

We thank you fire drummers for your wonderful support and for the gift of 'hearing' your sacred healing rhythms of love and light... wow!

We still don't know where we're going to land as of yet - though we trust that the best new home is awaiting for us as we prepare to move for April 1st...

With much love + light... in ayni and deep munay... 
weaver x (((o)))

• above photos by carol weaver © copyright 2016 - all rights reserved

How to make your own florida water....

The below florida water recipes are simple to make... this first one was passed on to us during a shamanic medicine wheel training a number of years ago - and so now, i pass on to you so you can make your own.

Florida water can be expensive to buy so, it's great to be able to make your own... 

I will add more to this page on the different uses of using florida/flower waters soon - so, stay tuned.  I also welcome you to share your own recipes if you wish... and i can post here to share with others... if you wish to do that, let me know in the comments below or email me...
brightest, weaver x (((o)))

Florida Water Recipe...
The below is suggested and one tried and true - do feel free to experiment to create your own personal blend with those plant medicines that call you to work with...

• 1/2 cup dried sage
• 1/2 cup dried cedar
• 1/2 cup dried sweetgrass
• 1/2 cup dried lavendar
• 6 cups good quality vodka - like 100-proof smirnoff

Spiritually gather the herbs in a sacred way... combine them with the vodka... place in a glass jar and store at room temperature for 14 days (half a moon cycle) ... consider leaving out to infuse with either a full or new moon...  place a paper towel in a mesh strainer and strain out the liquid from the herbs into a clean container with a lid and store, use...  the above can also be made from herbal/plant essential oils... see below for other ways to make your own florida waters... enjoy!

A great video on how to make your own florida water - a simple and beautiful flower essence water recipe i found on youtube... see below video for the recipe...

2 cups of vodka (100 proof), 2 tbsp rose water, 16 drops of bergamont oil, 12 drops of lavender oil, 6 drops of may chang oil, 3 drops of rosemary oil, 2 drops of jasmine oil, 2 drops of rose attar oil, and a pinch of orris root powder... 

Here is a more in depth look into how to make Florida Water... some of it's history and the different types... Florida is Spanish for 'flower'... and there are many, many recipies for Florida Water...

This video shows how to make florida water or flower water from collecting the flowers + herbs to how to make it... how to use florida water in your shamanic practice including how to use it to cleanse with your spirit breath... 

... my calendar of upcoming sacred circle + related events >>

Various Florida Waters on Amazon...

NOTE:  As you can see above, there are many types of Florida Waters available on the market - with many different scents including air fresheners and soaps for various uses.

​The most known and used water in shamanic healing work is the Peruvian Florida Water from Murray & Lanman.  To be sure you are purchasing the Peru Florida Water, know it says "Peru" on the label, has a white cap and is an amber coloured water - where the other type of Florida Water has a more light-greenish coloured water with a black cap, and is from New York.  The difference from the two is the very distinct scent and essence, used for different purposes.
​

I share what i have learned with the heart of munay... if you have found value + wish to support my  work... perhaps consider buying me a coffee, thank you!