(((o)))
“All the eggs a woman will ever carry form in her ovaries while she is a four-month-old fetus in the womb of her mother. This means our cellular life as an egg begins in the womb of our grandmother. Each of us spent five months in our grandmother's womb, and she in turn formed within the womb of her grandmother. We vibrate to the rhythms of our mother's blood before she herself is born, and this pulse is the thread of blood that runs all the way back through the grandmothers to the first Mother.”
—Layne Redmond
“All the eggs a woman will ever carry form in her ovaries while she is a four-month-old fetus in the womb of her mother. This means our cellular life as an egg begins in the womb of our grandmother. Each of us spent five months in our grandmother's womb, and she in turn formed within the womb of her grandmother. We vibrate to the rhythms of our mother's blood before she herself is born, and this pulse is the thread of blood that runs all the way back through the grandmothers to the first Mother.”
—Layne Redmond
"Are you ready Carol?..." Debbie asked excitedly...
My half-sister and i were on an arranged phone call together... Debbie was the oldest of four half-sisters i had just met a few weeks earlier - on the phone...
Months earlier, the BC Adoption Reunion Registry (ARR) had finally changed from being a passive registry to an active registry in 1991. When that status changed, all BC adoption records with the passive registry had been transferred to Family Services of BC - where they contacted those of us who were registered with the ARR, announcing we could now request an 'active search' for birth parents/relatives. Before the change, as a passive registry, both parties would have had to have been registered in the passive registry to create a match/reunion.
I had registered with the passive registry many years earlier... and, on my birthday every year, had ran a classified ad in the Vancouver Sun "People Finders" section, hoping my birth mother may see the ad... Nothing ever became of that annual ad...
I applied immediately for an active search... and a Family Services Researcher was assigned to my case to search for my birth mother... I was quite excited at the thought of perhaps one day, maybe they might find my birth mother.... i had always wondered who she was, what had happened as to why i had been adopted and had so many questions... one being, would i look like her?... i had grown up in my adoptive family - tho never felt like i truly belonged in some weird way... I always felt like a stranger in a strange land... i also didn't know much about my birth ancestry or my family name... where did i come from?... Who the heck was i?...
My older brother was six years older and was the only child/son born of my adoptive parents... I often called him, "the real one" in the family and still do... and my younger sister was adopted as i was - though, from a different family/area of BC than i was... i didn't look like anyone in my adoptive family - neither did my sister... One time, i recall a moment on the playground swings at elementary school, where a friend blatantly announced that i looked like my mother... I couldn't believe my ears and told her that i was adopted and how was that even possible?... She just shrugged her shoulders.... i knew i didn't look like my adoptive mother...father or any relative at all!
I waited many months before i heard anything from Family Services... until one day...
I was at a women's business conference and towards the end of the long day, my partner said she wanted to see one more booth... I was tired, not interested in seeing any more displays and I'd wait for her before we left... I was standing near a booth in the middle of the bustling room, when, out the blue, i suddenly felt quite dizzy and caught myself from falling over. It was a strange feeling i had not experienced before... It ended as quickly as it had began... i didn't think much of it other than perhaps i was just tired...
Later, i went back to the studio to finish up some work before dinner when the phone rang...
It was a call from the Anne, who was my researcher from Family Services... She was happy to announce that she had found my birth mother earlier that afternoon... hmmmnnn... i wondered to myself later... when Anne received the call back from my birth mother earlier that day... could it have been close to or during the time i felt so dizzy at the conference? Perhaps....
Anne mentioned it had taken so long to find my birth mother because she had married (a year after she gave birth to me) and had changed her name... Anne then asked me if i was sitting down....
I said, "yes"... when she went on to announce that i also had four half-sisters!
I was shocked... It's funny... all the years i had been searching for my birth mother thinking that maybe, one day i may find her... never ever thinking or realizing that she may have a whole family of her own - a life... Really?... wow! After some further chat with Anne, she then said, that one of my half-sisters had attempted to find me for a number of years and would i like to exchange phone numbers to connect and would that be okay... I said, "Sure"...
Not long after getting off the phone with Anne, i received a call from Debbie, one of my half sisters... she was the oldest of the four... That evening i talked with all four of my half-sisters... I remember it being such a fun time connecting and sharing stories... especially with Debbie - who was 'over the moon' that we had finally connected... She was so excited! She told me that her mom had once told her ... it slipped out after a party, that she had an older sister... and that her own mother had forced her to give me up because she was unwed... My birth mother swore from that day forward she would never give another child up... and she didn't... a year later after i was adopted, she met a fellow, got married and they had four daughters...
After the calls that evening, Debbie and my new half-sisters decided that a first, slow step to a possible reunion would be to exchange letters and photos with each other and our shared mother... of which we all did...
The next step we decided, was to arrange "to meet" on a phone call with my birth mom, Marlene... and so, a date and time was set a couple of weeks later...
The day came to meet on the call... i was so frickin' nervous... What am i doing?... What should i say?... What will we talk about? Yikes... i wanted to flee and forget the whole thing...
At the arranged time, the phone range on the minute... After a few rings i took a deep breath... i reluctantly picked up the dang phone...
I was relieved it was Debbie on the other end... She told me she was at her mom's place with her mom there next to her and mentioned she was just as nervous as i was... She then said, "Are you ready Carol?".... I said, hesitantly, "oh...kay..."
I could hear Debbie talking in the background asking her mom if she was ready..............
I could hear my mother laughing as Debbie handed her the phone...
As she fumbled with the receiver closer to her mouth, she continued to laugh, right from her belly... the first thing she said before she even said hello was to laugh........
In that moment, i pulled the phone away from my ear............. it's hard to describe because i felt something so very different... i was remembering my own mother's laugh............... whoa...
I knew right then and there, in and throughout my whole body.... that i had heard her laugh before... i'll never forget that powerful visceral vibrational feeling = a total body re-membrance! In that moment, i knew i was talking to my birth mother and i also knew during that conference i had felt her on such a deep vibrational level i had never experienced before...
It's interesting... during the years i have taught drumming and drum birthing, i have had many folk who have told me that they don't know how to drum and don't even think they can learn how to drum... I smile and always reply back saying...
"What do you think is the first sound or vibration you have ever heard or felt?"... "It is the sound vibration, the pulse of your Mother's blood... the sound of her heartbeat when you were in her womb for nine months - that is a sound vibration you know the best... of course you know how to drum... her heartbeat is vibrating in your bones!"
I now know my Mother.. her vibration and resonance is in my bones!
sooo, do stay tuned if you wish... more to come...
with brightest blessings,
weaver x (((o)))
