Happy Bealtaine everyone!

On this day of Bealtaine eve... i've had much to ponder and give big thanks for... tho first, i wish to bid farewell to this past cycle of Imbolc... at the back door of our home...

Farewell to the Season of Imbolc...

Go with thanks and go with blessing...
Season of integrity...
Souls with truth are deeply freighted
Hearts are keen with innocence...
In the cold and darkness traveling...
You have come to brightest Spring.
Infant, who has grown to childhood...
Midwife, wise with mothering...
Touch the hidden beauty in us...
Help us soar on Summer's wing!
--Caitlin Matthews

It's been quite the last few months during Imbolc... lots happening... of amazing alignment + synchronicity all over the place... with much presence of sweet spirit...

My dear friend Allannah and i offered two Spring concerts together - one during the day of Imbolc and later at Spring Equinox... we were blessed with both shows full with beautiful souls sharing much love + beautiful spirit with our sacred music and song... I sooo love it when a full room of like-minds sing together with such warm heart... At the Netloft at Imbolc, during our last song, a whole flock of white gulls that were floating on the bay behind us, took flight and flew in circles 'as one' to the pulse of our music... where, they softly landed together ending our song - wow, what a blessing! 

Last month, i also found myself totally unexpectedly finding myself in Vernon (of all places!) in sacred circle with the wonderful Irish Seabhean, wise-woman Amantha Murphy who came all the way from Ireland to offer her work there... 

Talk about divine timing!

Who would have thought?... How all that came into being was frankly, one magical alignment and i know now, was meant to be, that's for sure... 

For the past year or more, i'll admit, i've been in a place of much uncertainty and feeling lost in some respects... I'm not sure those are the exact words to describe... tho, i've also been yearning + calling for clarity and perhaps a new guidance to work with... and...

Holy wow... i'm once again astounded as to how spirit aligns so powerfully when one simply asks... and it's up to me to get out of the frickin' way to allow whatever is meant to be... when it's meant to be...  I feel i've come to a place in my life where, i allow myself to simply be and trust as best i can... to cease focusing on the what 'isn't'.  I have to say it's a heck of a lot more fun to intend along with the blessings + gifts that continue to come my way and holy wow yet again......
+ i really know nothing anymore! 

During the weekend intensive sitting in sacred circle with 23 amazing women with Amantha lovingly guiding... i experienced deep healing... yet again, another layer of the onion of my life was profoundly peeled off - i was roto-rooted to say the least!... i felt such love + support from my beautiful sisters as they held space deeply for me... we all did for one another throughout the gathering... it was a potent weekend of learning... coming full circle to my beginning Celtic training (over 30 years ago) and my own ancestral roots... including, retrieving a rogue chunk of my soul... a whole new trust with myself + others... that it is even possible to trust + love again... to love myself and my life... to let go another shady layer of the old ways that no longer serve - to re-member that a lot of that old stuff wasn't even mine in the first pace...

i hold much gratitude to spirit... to my dear beloved partner - my anam cara, my wonderful friends i hold dear, to my dear sisters near + afar + to dear Amantha for holding such loving sacred space... to our blessed earth mother goddess Gaia for all gifts received.... to all that dark heaviness i have let go i know has been lovingly composted by Her... having been transformed to light!... 

This afternoon on the eve of Bealtaine... my sweetie and i decided to go out for a walk in the beautiful day of today and just 'be' at our local beach... we sat for a long while with the old stone, breathed deeply in the Salish Sea's refreshing + healing breezes under the crystal dome of the great big blue amazing sky... We felt good!  All is well...

So, i am very excited to be celebrating Bealtaine tomorrow morning... to  offer fresh flowers on my front doorstep... to wash my face with the new morning's dew... to welcome a new beginning cycle of protective fire of my passion... to embrace + honour the light of who i truly am... 

with brightest blessings of much light - thank you!
Happy Bealtaine to all... with much love...
​blessed be!  weaver x (((o)))​

i was moved to pull a moon oracle card this morning...

here's the reading that i got...  a good message... especially for the waning of this Imbolc time moving into the next circle of Bealtaine... 

what do i cling to in time of need?...
what holds me faithfully in my life?...
the power resides in everything we touch, see, smell + hear...
i am surrounded by light + life...
mama moon sends her strength to me + draws signs above my head to show i am a part of the circle of all things...
from the heart of the swirling energy of all the world...
​lines of strength stretch out to hold me...
i know in my bones i am held...
the brightness is everywhere!

with much love + hoards of light....
blessed be, weaver x (((o)))

I love that the above quote by Alice Walker showed up when it did the other day = there are never any accidents eh?

This last week i was blessed to hang with a dear friend...  We had some good time to connect and catch up with one another's work, our art and spirit path...

It's always good to be with an ally... a sister who shares their authenticity... to truly understand some of the 'same stuff' we deal with as beauty-makers on a daily basis... it helps to know that we're not alone keeping on... keeping on the path as we are continually called...

We talked about 'wounds' and particularly... how our core wounds, can continue to inform our lives... and, how they can run silently in the background like some insidious screwed up program... broken and sickly... barely going though still operating...  I sometimes call it the 'default' that kicks in or triggers you when you least expect it... playing with + hampering our self-worth...

And....... it's interesting how stuff can align too... It's like when we bring awareness to something, deeper awareness and healing comes right in the moment... After our lovely time together that afternoon with new awareness shared between friends... back home,  while i was mindlessly scrolling through my photos, i stumbled on an old portrait of me someone had sketched in pencil.... and, there it was... that old sketch - not very big... very simple, looking back at my soul...

I was drawn to journey within this drawing which took me back to the time in my life when it was drawn - in my early 20s...  A time when i was searching for meaning in my own life... of autonomy and independence... finally getting out on my own to find my own way.  Though at the same time, i was a walking zombie of confuzzed wounded-ness - not knowing who the heck i was...

I journeyed back even further to re-visit some of those places ... woundings in this life-time and even further back to a past-life awareness that had come up for big healing along my path years previous... I know now that those 'agreements' that i made as a child are not even my own agreements...they're someone else's - who didn't know themselves either... who had been wounded too... who were just living their life the best they knew how... i had forgiven that remnant long ago... 

It made me realize just how much 'all of that' narrative that was mindlessly served up to me within daily, traumas big + small - i sucked up like a sponge, like all children do... and those old stories stayed 'there' deep within my sensitive being... as set-programs continuing to run on default from that moment forward... 

Revisiting this place brought deeper awareness as, i also stumbled on the above quote by the wonderful + wise Alice Walker... where profound healing or how i like to call it... 'another layer of the onion has been peeled away' yet again... i have let a lot of crap go... and the 'story' that goes along with it... that is no longer serving me... it's all gone back to the Mother that she lovingly composting + transforming back into 'sami' light... 

"Healing begins where the wound was made."
--Alice Walker

I give thanks and gratitude to my sister-friend for her wisdom + caring ear the other day and my friend who sketched that lovely portrait of me... and i know why i kept it... and, i so wish i could remember her name - which has left me... (when it comes, i'll certainly give her the credit she is due here)... i love this sketch and how it was rendered = ie., no chair!...

I still remember clearly the afternoon she drew it... and gifted it to me later that day 40 years ago - somehow she was guided... she knew she had captured something healing for me... (her original is to the left) and...

The other 'version' i posted at the top of this page, i had some fun artistically 'reclaiming + retrieving' back yet again another beautiful piece of my soul that has been held within the love + the safety of our Mother's arms all this time.... perhaps a 'new self-portrait of the being of light i truly am.... 

Thank you my dear friends... i love you...
brightest, weaver x (((o)))

​This last summer, i was at an outdoor event where i was asked to offer ceremony for a group of people... it was being held in a beautiful space in the verdant forest here on the west coast...

As folk were gathering, i was in complete awe of the forest beauty in front and all around me... and, simply enjoying the moment as i waited for folk to settle in for the ceremony.

Just being there was so healing... rich in fresh cool air during one of the hottest days of the summer...

About 15 feet away, right in front of me was one particular very tall and ancient cedar tree... an old soul 'grandmother' who greeted me seeming pleased we were gathering to create sacred space together - that 'we' were actually acknowledging this sacred landscape...  It was good to connect as i continued to wait... she welcomed me and was curious...

One man walked by and around the old tree and looked up at her as he was chatting with his friend... I overheard him say...

"Wow, that's a big one eh?... I wonder how much it's worth on the market?"
​
His comment startled me though didn't surprise me either...

I sighed quietly and shook my head in disbelief to myself knowing his perception of this grand old tree, who was probably 200-300+ or more years older than he, was only seen as an 'object' or a 'product' that held monetary value and nothing else...   He didn't seem at all awed by this old soul's beauty, presence or deep knowledge she held from being rooted in the earth for so long.  His mindset was just what could be earned or taken from her and our mother.

My heart aches as our culture continues to perceive our blessed earth mother as a resource to be used and abused... where she is our source... for, we wouldn't be here without her!

Sharing some thoughts that arose from being a part of a group that explores the power of 'vibration' and 'sound' together...

This morning, i was quite stunned, moved + honoured (with a group of dear souls) to witness through sound, just how much heaviness good people are carrying so deep within them...

The sounding exercise offered was a uncomfortable one for most of us... we were asked to simply 'sound' and go with it...

What i particularly found interesting was that, no one expressed their 'sounding' of joy or love of life... though chose or were moved to sound a wide range of emotions of deep sorrow, anger, frustration and hurt - even chaos and indifference... The soundings were definitely a strong expression and perhaps a release on many levels... we all found it a powerful time together - almost un-nerving perhaps..?

I couldn't help but wonder also, what i witnessed, was perhaps, just how much of that heaviness the overall collective of the world is carrying..... the world is very weary + so sore.... i know we're all feeling it on so many levels...

Perhaps this 'sounding' offered some healing to the world...? 

i feel there is hope... as part of my path + daily practice is to re-member the tools i have been taught + gifted.... that our blessed Earth Mother, Mother Gaia, Pachamama, the beautiful, living + breathing be-ing she is... is always here for us... despite all the heaviness she endures - she keeps on going strong...

I trust + embrace that the ratio of what's going right with our dear Mother outweighs that which is not right... she knows who she is and has endured for thousands of years + will continue to...

Our earth mother offers us a simple, yet powerful sacred gift... and, we have forgotten this sacred gift... She reminds us to re-member to simply let go of the heaviness, the darkness that keeps us bound... She lovingly receives it with love, transforms + composts it back into 'sami' light... She's good at taking our shit - our own heaviness... and, that is a good thing and, it's necessary for the world... i believe that is part of a balance + the sacred relationship or partnership with her, we have lost...

We can choose to feed her as she feeds us... to return to the ancient beautiful reciprocity of 'right relationship' as one with our earth mother - to connect again with the land(s) that hold + sustain us = to acknowledge + celebrate she is our Source, not a resource...

For, we wouldn't be here without her! ...
(i invite you to think about that for a moment)... x (((o)))

ps... i will write more about this 'heaviness' + how we can simply release it again soon... 

There's always time to say thank you... 
One way i offer my gratitude, especially for our beautiful earth mother, is to offer a 'flower despacho' - which is a gift of prayer in mandala form... I will take flowers + other found earth-bits (like leaves, sticks, pine-cones, etc) and mindfully 'blow' my prayers/intentions through the flowers + bits and place in a beautiful arrangement on the ground... and then, allow it/let it go to compost on + into the ground, so my prayers become part of/embodied with her...
An offering like this doesn't have to be elaborate = keep it simple + free!... x (((o)))

I birthed my first drum over 25 years ago with my first teacher in Celtic shamanism.  It sure was an amazing and growing experience.  Back in the early 90s, i was part of a sacred healing circle of about 15 or so women where together, we all birthed the same type and size of shamanic drum - a 16-inch Elk...

At the time, when i was apprenticing, i was asked to help out with that women's drum birthing workshop - being in charge of care-taking the hides... which meant making sure the hides were soaking well overnight in my studio-space bath tub.   The next day, i brought them all back to our workshop space for us to birth our drums in ceremony.

Back then, i was vegetarian and for me, to handle huge soaked Elk hides was a tad un-nerving, to say the least - especially after they had soaked all night, weighed a ruddy ton!!  They also smelled horrible and felt sooo alive!  I learned that when an animal has been chosen or chooses to transition it's life to become a sacred drum - that, during the sacred act of birthing a drum, they are reborn to be in service to our blessed earth mother - to now be her steward as her sacred voice, heart-beat-pulse... learning this helped a lot for me during this time in my life...

When i got back to the workshop space with the wet hides, the teacher asked me to lay them all out on top of a large tarp and told all the women to choose one...  As i was putting them out, each woman quickly chose their own, where, very soon only one hide was left... i didn't get to choose - my drum's voice/hide had been chosen for me!

Learning how to pull a big drum with a very thick Elk hide (as a full-wrap around the hoop) wasn't an easy task - on top of sitting on the floor to do it... Our teacher also didn't really show us how - she basically walked around the room dropping us each an instruction booklet that had come along with the drum supply-kits she had ordered from Cedar Mountain Drums in Oregon... I have to admit, i did find it challenging to birth my first drum having to read the steps line-by-line... I remember sweating a lot that day = definitely a labour of love...

​As we all came to completing our drums, the teacher did come around at that point to help us with the final pulls to make sure the strong thick hide was completely wrapped smoothly around the frame.  I was quite happy to have the help at that point as my hands were so sore and tired...

While the hide was still wet, when i held it up with the light shining through, the shape of a huge bird in flight revealed itself right through the middle on the back side... Though, when my drum was birthed, as she dried and came into being, a new spirit emerged forward in the front ... i saw the amazing old face of an old white grandmother wolf... she was stunningly beautiful and so present... and has been a part of my special drum ever since her birth... One time, years later, a beautiful Metis elder asked to sing a wolf into my drum as she knew that spirit was very present as a part of my sacred drum... i was deeply honoured to be witness as she sang her sacred gift into my drum... grandmother wolf is still very present guiding me...

The whole process of birthing my own shamanic drum was life-changing for me and, i have been deeply blessed to have had the opportunity to share and pass on the gifts that were shared with me - to assist others to birth their own sacred drums and continue to.  My sweet drum has taught me a lot over the last 25+ years and continues to... Through her, our blessed earth mother continues to share deeper teachings to share with others and my students...

What i found amazing back when i birthed that first drum was, how amazingly strong and resilient rawhide lacings are when wet and dry...

Rawhide dries very rock-hard strong... and when i look at a few of my lacings on the back side of my drum, i am still amazed as to how strong yet vulnerable and fragile they are... and so are we... my own 'heart strings' have been good teachers...

These lacings are still holding the voice of my drum very strongly - even after 25+ years! 

This, my first drum i birthed... my beautiful grandmother wolf drum, my dear friend and ally continues to reflect to me my own inner heart strength and the fragility of all life... She teaches me that it's okay to be vulnerable and that i have the power of choice within any given moment to resonate who i truly am as a be-ing of light and love...

I stand within this present moment... to offer my deep appreciation and gratitude for the gift of the sacred, healing drum - and all that she continues to teach me... I also give many thanks to my teacher who shared the gifts she had been given, to me...  thank you grandmother wolf for being a beautiful teacher...
​in deep munay of love + light, weaver x (((o)))

​photo @ right...

An actual photo of heart strings (tendons) inside the human heart...

It is known that the heart strings can sometimes break after a deep emotional trauma causing the heart to lose form and, as a result be unable to pump blood effectively... You can literally die from a broken heart...

Oh, how fragile, yet so strong we all are.......x (((o)))

Sometimes there are no words......... 

Sometimes there are only moments of sweet beauty.........

The other day, I was standing outside my studio, busy sanding a couple of wooden handles for some rattles i was making...

I prefer to do that work outside to keep the dust down inside the studio... It's also nice to be out in the fresh air - take in what's around me in our big side-yard, up in the sky and the trees... listening to bird-song, (whom i'm still getting to know since moving here a year ago)... Including getting off my butt for a bit too... as i sit waaay too much!   Someone told me the other day, that sitting for too long has become the 'new smoking' = yikes......

​Most mornings, of late, we've had a lone, wild turkey (earth eagle) hanging out in our  yard, gobbling away for no apparent reason, it seems - for, who knows what... though, i wonder if perhaps, he's attempting to call his buddies up the hill to join him... he's not been very successful...

​I was quite focused on my sanding for a good 10 minutes or so when, i suddenly felt a presence... that i wasn't alone.......

I looked up from my work and, there she was... holy wow!... a beautiful, deer doe, just inches away, standing there, quietly looking at me... 

At first i was a bit startled as i wondered how long she had been there, looking at me... perhaps, patiently waiting for me to notice her....

I softly said hello to this dear soul as my heart lit up.... She didn't move... her amazing big beautiful eyes drew me right into her sweet be-ingness... tears were streaming down my cheeks as our hearts locked on as one....

We spent quite some time gazing into each other's heart-soul....  I knew i was receiving a huge gift.... it was such a sacred moment.... When our heart-gaze released some...... we continued to connect with each other so close...... we chatted heart to heart for a while longer...   i was moved to ask her permission if i could photograph her - of which she allowed.... she still didn't move....

Not long after, the turkey, who was  still in the yard, unexpectedly let out a gobble... the turkey didn't phase her though.... she simply dropped her gaze from me and began to slowly saunter away... turning back once or twice - offering a couple more moments to connect........

I was so very moved by this deep moment of beauty we had shared... she offered me to really 'feel' such a gift of the heart i haver never quite felt before... i continue to feel very moved by the whole experience... One of the many gifts she gave me in that moment was...... that i know i am never, ever alone......... something was healed within me and my dear heart...

There are really no words to describe this, our beaty-moment together...............

She has since returned to our yard many times... as she is pregnant and about to give birth.... We have seen her lying on the moss down in the yard at dusk and will walk through to say hello.... I am so honoured with much appreciation, to have met my new, sweet friend of the heart... I can't wait to see her with her new babes come through the yard....  

with brightest blessings... weaver x (((o)))

Above, a bit of video i happened to capture when she began to walk back into the yard, after our time together... below a couple more glimpses of our moment together... x (((o)))

Good News!  I've been celebrating - a lot of late!... because dear laughing wolf has found her new voice!

As some of you may know, it was about three years ago or so that this amazing sweet drum accidently fell and her beautiful voice/hide was torn and cracked wide open... i wrote about it in a blog post and again when deeper teaching came for me later on another post...

Part of why it took so long for her to sing again was, it was a bit of a challenge to find a new hide that was actually big enough and thin enough to fit her amazing 27-inch red oak steam-bent hoop...

When i asked the guys at the drum-supplier i work with, if they had any goat hides larger than 33 inches in diameter, they laughed replying that goats here just don't grow that big.... Though, they would let me know if something that large may come in.   They never let me know... so, i thought to myself that perhaps i may not find a hide that would be similiar to what she had before or big enough.   So, dear laughing wolf sat has remained open with no voice for the last three years.  I sure have missed her!

I considered using another type of hide though, it never seemed right... so, i continued to call and ask spirit for her new voice to come - trusting that perhaps one day, it would come.

A few weeks ago, i was back at the supplier picking up stuff for two drum-birthing workshops i had coming up for Vancouver and Gabriola.  After finishing going over the orders, i took a chance and was moved to ask the guys once again, if maybe they might have any large goat rawhides in stock - maybe one?... 

Lo and behold, Francis said he thought they might... and off he went out to their other room to check and.... brought back a large goat hide.  Together, we measured it up... it was real close to the size needed and so, i decided to take it home.

One of the first things i did when i got back was, to lay laughing wolf's beautiful hoop on top of the new hide to see if it was going to fit!  I was elated - it did!

About a week later, with the assistance of dear Joanie, we re-birthed laughing wolf... and, it was a beautiful thing to do together... and i have to say, she sure turned out beautiful... being a part of her new birth was a moving and deep experience for both of us... it was definitely a birthing, that's for sure... 'cause she's one big drum!  It was a big labour of love andi couldn't wait to 'hear' how she came through........

So, on a Sunday evening, the night before the full moon, on November 13th... i was thrilled to re-awaken laughing wolf along in sacred circle with wonderful dear souls here on Gabriola.... i can't tell you the joy we all felt to be witness to her sacred sounding and enlivening in that new-birth moment... it made me realize just how much we have missed each other and to again, begin building a whole new relationship - getting to know one another yet again...  Thank you Colleen for holding the space for us to do that... with much appreciation and joy....

Many years ago, laughing wolf, a beautiful qilaut frame drum was birthed for me - by master drum maker, John Millen of Thunderheart Drums in Baltimore... John is retired now... and three years ago, he was kind enough to share with me how he birthed a drum like laughing wolf... i wish to thank you so much John for your wonderful sharings and for birthing this beautiful sacred drum for me all those years ago...  

with much love to you with hoards of light... weaver x (((o)))
​

Below is a short video to hear her new voice............ x (((o)))

all above photos taken by carol weaver © 2016 copyright - all rights reserved

Recently, i received an unexpected teaching from the bees...

​Since moving to Gabriola in April, we have never felt more welcome - what a community of beautiful people who care about people!  We feel so blessed knowing our move was a good one...

We've also been blown away with how much art, music and theatre there is here on the island - it's been absolutely wonderful.  I am being more and more inspired to get back to my own art and music and can't wait!

We've been attending events by the Gabriola Arts Council (we're now proud members) and other community events.  We now frequent the Hive Emporium at the Village Market on Saturday mornings for coffee to meet and hang with friends.  In addition to great coffee, the Hive is a community hub with a retail store show-casing local art and a multi-purpose performance space and art gallery upstairs.

In mid May, i saw that the Hive sent out a "call to artists" to celebrate their first anniversary with an upcoming show to run June 16 to July 3, 2016, named 'For the Bees'... it read...

"The plight of bees is deservedly making the press, and hopefully not too late!  Gabriolans need no coaching on their importance, but a reminder to all to meditate on these venerable sentient "beeings" - and this call to all artists to explore in any medium!"

​I was intrigued... and wanted to be a part... so, i got to work.

What i was immediately fascinated by, was the shape of the hexagon - which holds a lot of meaning in it's six sides including the number 6.   I connect to the number six as it's a part of my life-path being a 33-6 numerologically... ​

​I spent about a week playing with this shape in many ways... i first built a hexagon out of wood.  

Right away, i really liked the simplicity of the shape - i liked holding it up to the light and looking through.  My first thoughts were, 'hey, i could submit this as it is!" ... though, it all seemed too simple - i really should do something more...?

After many failed attempts of 'trying' to add to my initial wood design... i thought i'd let the whole thing go and forget about it...

Though, i found that i kept coming back to the wooden hexagon shape - there was something about it's simplicity.   I was continually drawn to carrying it around and looking through the open hex shape like a window...  

And, then it hit me... what i was doing was perhaps... 'seeing' from the 'bee's perspective'... and that was it.  

Excitedly, i took the wooden hexagon outside to my backyard, hung it off a couple of trees and took a few photos - and my submission came into 'bee-ing'...  

​After the 'full circle' journey of my creative process, i now know the bees were guiding and nudging me on some level... that they wanted their 'voice' heard in some way - asking 'us' to have a look and see from their perspective, for a change...

So, in the end, i did decide to go with my 'first hit' and submit the simple wood hexagon along with two photos - i was thrilled and honoured to be accepted into and 'bee' a part of the Hive's show!  I give thanks to the sacred bees for helping and guiding me... and, thank you to the Hive for creating this beautiful show - Happy Anniversary to you all!

Along with the two framed photos and the hanging wood hexagram, i added this statement and a couple questions...

Have we considered the bee’s perspective?

Perhaps the bees are feeling that we humans are mining
them for our own advantage – NOT for the bee’s advantage...

“The human species have weakened
our species in our compliance to what THEY want...”

Perhaps, our perspective of a “Colony Collapse Disorder” of
the bees is simply a projection (perspective) of our own human
Colony Collapse Disorder...

What is your bee perspective?

If you read my last e-News last month, you'll know that we received unexpected notice to move in January - to be out of our home by April 1st... 

And, needless to say, we didn't have much luck here in the Burnaby/Vancouver area finding anything...  As you probably know, the housing market in the lower mainland has really gone crazy with prices skyrocketing all over the place...  Also, property taxes were raised as well - here in Burnaby, a whopping 17%.

This has also affected renting in the lower mainland in a huge way... and, during our search we weren't seeing much option that was affordable nor much availability.  This really surprised and shocked us...

We were becoming concerned when still hadn't found a new home into late February... We had put out our intentions, offered ceremony and did our best to remain positive that something was indeed awaiting  us... though, time was ticking by...

One very early morning, under a few weeks ago, i was awakened by a very strong dream... When i have a strong dream like that, i know that spirit is wanting my attention...

In the dream, i am on the deck of an old rickety house in the woods... i wasn't alone as there were a bunch of people gathered about... someone warned me that i needed to be very careful to not let 'that' bear in past the gate... i was aware that a black bear was wandering about outside the gate...

I fumbled with the gate's door handle over and over without being able to keep it closed or locked...  I kept feeling a sense of urgency and frustration... this went on what seemed like, forever...

The scene shifts where i realized the bear was now coming in through the gate and onto the deck with me...  I found myself now huddled down in a far corner to protect myself from bear... i was definitely concerned and upset that i had failed with the gate...  Next, big mama bear was right over me, right up close, leaning on me and sniffing me all over my head, neck and shoulders... it was sooo real... i could really feel her... smell her and sensed her long rough fur on my skin... the weight of her head pressing her wet nose... hearing her snort and sniff....

As she continued to sniff me out, i felt some fear rise from within me... mama bear growled deeply when she sensed my fear... i realized that i had to stop my fear now and did... she wouldn't stop sniffing and sniffing... at first she was a black bear and then morphed to the colour cream and then back to black... she then stopped her intense sniffing and simply laid her head in my lap resting...

Next scene... i'm still crouched down and now two smaller animals like badgers (i think) are now on either side of me and rise up on their hind legs to sniff out my ears as intensely as the bear did!  After that, three black dogs came up onto the deck...  and, then i woke right up!  = holy whoa...

I shared my dream at our journeying circle that next week and my friend Glen offered some insight... of which i found very helpful... here's some symbolism he shared...

• The Bear in some traditions represents personal medicine, spiritual gifting...
• The House can represent the spiritual life or path...
• The Gate in front are the limitations that have been placed on that path...

In the dream the house is old which perhaps has been there for a long while... a path that has been developed over time. There is a gate that blocks limits access to the house.  Sometimes the gate is open, then other times it is closed to keep the “bad” or fearful out.  At this moment I am trying trying to close that gate without success to keep that bear out. Trying to limit the the medicine on my path. (it is not a conscious, effort)...

Despite my best efforts to keep the bear out, the bear gets past the gate and past the limitations that have been placed in its path.

The good news is that the medicine is morphing - changing from a black bear to a Kermode or spirit bear (colour change from black to cream colour)... Still a black bear but looks very different.  The bear lays its head on my lap.  No fear - only love, peace and tranquility even though bears are huge and powerful.

My friend suggested i connect with the spirit of Bear to help me... of which i did... i connected with a lovely photo of a black bear (right)... and went within to say 'hello'...

It's interesting, back in September, a black bear paid me a visit when i was parking my car... i had just got home and was just getting some groceries out of the car when s/he came trotting right out of the forest towards me.... we shared quite 'the hello'... 

It was a brief encounter though a very exciting one... I was sooo taken with her size, beauty and grace and how fast she moved!  I didn't think much of that encounter at the time... though knew inside my heart that i had received a sweet blessing...

After the dream, we were then guided to look further for housing out of Vancouver and over to the Island in and around Nanaimo... We noticed that prices weren't so high and more affordable... perhaps there was some hope here?... The thought of moving away from Vancouver/Burnaby was a concern... as i have lived here most of my life... my family was here and my work was here...

We still weren't finding much there either when, we began to see some rentals on Gabriola Island... we had seen a couple that looked good though, we assumed were gone - as they had been posted back in January.

Something nudged us to contact one of the ads we kept seeing - just to see if maybe, it was still available and, low and behold, it was!   We made contact and arrangements to go over to 'Gabe' to have a look and meet the owner.  On the way over, on the ferry we decided to contact another more recent ad and the owner answered and she interviewed us over the phone... The owner then decided to fly out from Alberta to meet us later that next day.

So, in the end, the second house turned out to be 'the one' - as soon as we walked in the door, we both felt strongly we were 'home'... we made the decision to say yes and make this big move to 'Gabe'...

We weren't expecting this at all...  though i know deeply that spirit has directed this big move in so many ways...and time will reveal more i'm sure...  I believe that mama bear has marked this new 'pacha' for us when she showed up out of the blue last September when she walked out of the forest and completely sniffed me out in my recent dream... She helped us 'sniff' out a new home... to embrace a whole new pacha-shift in our lives.... we've been invited to go even deeper within our own spirit... an opportunity to grow a strength connected much closer to mother earth...

I now stand in complete wonder... amazement... and, some fear beginning again so anew... and some sadness all at the same time... = holy wow...

Even though we are leaving the 'big city'...the Vancouver area to live on Gabriola Island, please know i am not far away - that i will still be back working in Vancouver on a regular basis (and other areas i have been been)... please see my calendar of what's coming up in April and throughout the year... I am open to all that is new in this shifting change...  thanks for taking the time to have a boo... 

with brightest blessing of much love + light...
​weaver x (((o)))