Sometimes there are no words......... 

Sometimes there are only moments of sweet beauty.........

The other day, I was standing outside my studio, busy sanding a couple of wooden handles for some rattles i was making...

I prefer to do that work outside to keep the dust down inside the studio... It's also nice to be out in the fresh air - take in what's around me in our big side-yard, up in the sky and the trees... listening to bird-song, (whom i'm still getting to know since moving here a year ago)... Including getting off my butt for a bit too... as i sit waaay too much!   Someone told me the other day, that sitting for too long has become the 'new smoking' = yikes......

​Most mornings, of late, we've had a lone, wild turkey (earth eagle) hanging out in our  yard, gobbling away for no apparent reason, it seems - for, who knows what... though, i wonder if perhaps, he's attempting to call his buddies up the hill to join him... he's not been very successful...

​I was quite focused on my sanding for a good 10 minutes or so when, i suddenly felt a presence... that i wasn't alone.......

I looked up from my work and, there she was... holy wow!... a beautiful, deer doe, just inches away, standing there, quietly looking at me... 

At first i was a bit startled as i wondered how long she had been there, looking at me... perhaps, patiently waiting for me to notice her....

I softly said hello to this dear soul as my heart lit up.... She didn't move... her amazing big beautiful eyes drew me right into her sweet be-ingness... tears were streaming down my cheeks as our hearts locked on as one....

We spent quite some time gazing into each other's heart-soul....  I knew i was receiving a huge gift.... it was such a sacred moment.... When our heart-gaze released some...... we continued to connect with each other so close...... we chatted heart to heart for a while longer...   i was moved to ask her permission if i could photograph her - of which she allowed.... she still didn't move....

Not long after, the turkey, who was  still in the yard, unexpectedly let out a gobble... the turkey didn't phase her though.... she simply dropped her gaze from me and began to slowly saunter away... turning back once or twice - offering a couple more moments to connect........

I was so very moved by this deep moment of beauty we had shared... she offered me to really 'feel' such a gift of the heart i haver never quite felt before... i continue to feel very moved by the whole experience... One of the many gifts she gave me in that moment was...... that i know i am never, ever alone......... something was healed within me and my dear heart...

There are really no words to describe this, our beaty-moment together...............

She has since returned to our yard many times... as she is pregnant and about to give birth.... We have seen her lying on the moss down in the yard at dusk and will walk through to say hello.... I am so honoured with much appreciation, to have met my new, sweet friend of the heart... I can't wait to see her with her new babes come through the yard....  

with brightest blessings... weaver x (((o)))

Above, a bit of video i happened to capture when she began to walk back into the yard, after our time together... below a couple more glimpses of our moment together... x (((o)))

Good News!  I've been celebrating - a lot of late!... because dear laughing wolf has found her new voice!

As some of you may know, it was about three years ago or so that this amazing sweet drum accidently fell and her beautiful voice/hide was torn and cracked wide open... i wrote about it in a blog post and again when deeper teaching came for me later on another post...

Part of why it took so long for her to sing again was, it was a bit of a challenge to find a new hide that was actually big enough and thin enough to fit her amazing 27-inch red oak steam-bent hoop...

When i asked the guys at the drum-supplier i work with, if they had any goat hides larger than 33 inches in diameter, they laughed replying that goats here just don't grow that big.... Though, they would let me know if something that large may come in.   They never let me know... so, i thought to myself that perhaps i may not find a hide that would be similiar to what she had before or big enough.   So, dear laughing wolf sat has remained open with no voice for the last three years.  I sure have missed her!

I considered using another type of hide though, it never seemed right... so, i continued to call and ask spirit for her new voice to come - trusting that perhaps one day, it would come.

A few weeks ago, i was back at the supplier picking up stuff for two drum-birthing workshops i had coming up for Vancouver and Gabriola.  After finishing going over the orders, i took a chance and was moved to ask the guys once again, if maybe they might have any large goat rawhides in stock - maybe one?... 

Lo and behold, Francis said he thought they might... and off he went out to their other room to check and.... brought back a large goat hide.  Together, we measured it up... it was real close to the size needed and so, i decided to take it home.

One of the first things i did when i got back was, to lay laughing wolf's beautiful hoop on top of the new hide to see if it was going to fit!  I was elated - it did!

About a week later, with the assistance of dear Joanie, we re-birthed laughing wolf... and, it was a beautiful thing to do together... and i have to say, she sure turned out beautiful... being a part of her new birth was a moving and deep experience for both of us... it was definitely a birthing, that's for sure... 'cause she's one big drum!  It was a big labour of love andi couldn't wait to 'hear' how she came through........

So, on a Sunday evening, the night before the full moon, on November 13th... i was thrilled to re-awaken laughing wolf along in sacred circle with wonderful dear souls here on Gabriola.... i can't tell you the joy we all felt to be witness to her sacred sounding and enlivening in that new-birth moment... it made me realize just how much we have missed each other and to again, begin building a whole new relationship - getting to know one another yet again...  Thank you Colleen for holding the space for us to do that... with much appreciation and joy....

Many years ago, laughing wolf, a beautiful qilaut frame drum was birthed for me - by master drum maker, John Millen of Thunderheart Drums in Baltimore... John is retired now... and three years ago, he was kind enough to share with me how he birthed a drum like laughing wolf... i wish to thank you so much John for your wonderful sharings and for birthing this beautiful sacred drum for me all those years ago...  

with much love to you with hoards of light... weaver x (((o)))
​

Below is a short video to hear her new voice............ x (((o)))

all above photos taken by carol weaver © 2016 copyright - all rights reserved

Recently, i received an unexpected teaching from the bees...

​Since moving to Gabriola in April, we have never felt more welcome - what a community of beautiful people who care about people!  We feel so blessed knowing our move was a good one...

We've also been blown away with how much art, music and theatre there is here on the island - it's been absolutely wonderful.  I am being more and more inspired to get back to my own art and music and can't wait!

We've been attending events by the Gabriola Arts Council (we're now proud members) and other community events.  We now frequent the Hive Emporium at the Village Market on Saturday mornings for coffee to meet and hang with friends.  In addition to great coffee, the Hive is a community hub with a retail store show-casing local art and a multi-purpose performance space and art gallery upstairs.

In mid May, i saw that the Hive sent out a "call to artists" to celebrate their first anniversary with an upcoming show to run June 16 to July 3, 2016, named 'For the Bees'... it read...

"The plight of bees is deservedly making the press, and hopefully not too late!  Gabriolans need no coaching on their importance, but a reminder to all to meditate on these venerable sentient "beeings" - and this call to all artists to explore in any medium!"

​I was intrigued... and wanted to be a part... so, i got to work.

What i was immediately fascinated by, was the shape of the hexagon - which holds a lot of meaning in it's six sides including the number 6.   I connect to the number six as it's a part of my life-path being a 33-6 numerologically... ​

​I spent about a week playing with this shape in many ways... i first built a hexagon out of wood.  

Right away, i really liked the simplicity of the shape - i liked holding it up to the light and looking through.  My first thoughts were, 'hey, i could submit this as it is!" ... though, it all seemed too simple - i really should do something more...?

After many failed attempts of 'trying' to add to my initial wood design... i thought i'd let the whole thing go and forget about it...

Though, i found that i kept coming back to the wooden hexagon shape - there was something about it's simplicity.   I was continually drawn to carrying it around and looking through the open hex shape like a window...  

And, then it hit me... what i was doing was perhaps... 'seeing' from the 'bee's perspective'... and that was it.  

Excitedly, i took the wooden hexagon outside to my backyard, hung it off a couple of trees and took a few photos - and my submission came into 'bee-ing'...  

​After the 'full circle' journey of my creative process, i now know the bees were guiding and nudging me on some level... that they wanted their 'voice' heard in some way - asking 'us' to have a look and see from their perspective, for a change...

So, in the end, i did decide to go with my 'first hit' and submit the simple wood hexagon along with two photos - i was thrilled and honoured to be accepted into and 'bee' a part of the Hive's show!  I give thanks to the sacred bees for helping and guiding me... and, thank you to the Hive for creating this beautiful show - Happy Anniversary to you all!

Along with the two framed photos and the hanging wood hexagram, i added this statement and a couple questions...

Have we considered the bee’s perspective?

Perhaps the bees are feeling that we humans are mining
them for our own advantage – NOT for the bee’s advantage...

“The human species have weakened
our species in our compliance to what THEY want...”

Perhaps, our perspective of a “Colony Collapse Disorder” of
the bees is simply a projection (perspective) of our own human
Colony Collapse Disorder...

What is your bee perspective?

If you read my last e-News last month, you'll know that we received unexpected notice to move in January - to be out of our home by April 1st... 

And, needless to say, we didn't have much luck here in the Burnaby/Vancouver area finding anything...  As you probably know, the housing market in the lower mainland has really gone crazy with prices skyrocketing all over the place...  Also, property taxes were raised as well - here in Burnaby, a whopping 17%.

This has also affected renting in the lower mainland in a huge way... and, during our search we weren't seeing much option that was affordable nor much availability.  This really surprised and shocked us...

We were becoming concerned when still hadn't found a new home into late February... We had put out our intentions, offered ceremony and did our best to remain positive that something was indeed awaiting  us... though, time was ticking by...

One very early morning, under a few weeks ago, i was awakened by a very strong dream... When i have a strong dream like that, i know that spirit is wanting my attention...

In the dream, i am on the deck of an old rickety house in the woods... i wasn't alone as there were a bunch of people gathered about... someone warned me that i needed to be very careful to not let 'that' bear in past the gate... i was aware that a black bear was wandering about outside the gate...

I fumbled with the gate's door handle over and over without being able to keep it closed or locked...  I kept feeling a sense of urgency and frustration... this went on what seemed like, forever...

The scene shifts where i realized the bear was now coming in through the gate and onto the deck with me...  I found myself now huddled down in a far corner to protect myself from bear... i was definitely concerned and upset that i had failed with the gate...  Next, big mama bear was right over me, right up close, leaning on me and sniffing me all over my head, neck and shoulders... it was sooo real... i could really feel her... smell her and sensed her long rough fur on my skin... the weight of her head pressing her wet nose... hearing her snort and sniff....

As she continued to sniff me out, i felt some fear rise from within me... mama bear growled deeply when she sensed my fear... i realized that i had to stop my fear now and did... she wouldn't stop sniffing and sniffing... at first she was a black bear and then morphed to the colour cream and then back to black... she then stopped her intense sniffing and simply laid her head in my lap resting...

Next scene... i'm still crouched down and now two smaller animals like badgers (i think) are now on either side of me and rise up on their hind legs to sniff out my ears as intensely as the bear did!  After that, three black dogs came up onto the deck...  and, then i woke right up!  = holy whoa...

I shared my dream at our journeying circle that next week and my friend Glen offered some insight... of which i found very helpful... here's some symbolism he shared...

• The Bear in some traditions represents personal medicine, spiritual gifting...
• The House can represent the spiritual life or path...
• The Gate in front are the limitations that have been placed on that path...

In the dream the house is old which perhaps has been there for a long while... a path that has been developed over time. There is a gate that blocks limits access to the house.  Sometimes the gate is open, then other times it is closed to keep the “bad” or fearful out.  At this moment I am trying trying to close that gate without success to keep that bear out. Trying to limit the the medicine on my path. (it is not a conscious, effort)...

Despite my best efforts to keep the bear out, the bear gets past the gate and past the limitations that have been placed in its path.

The good news is that the medicine is morphing - changing from a black bear to a Kermode or spirit bear (colour change from black to cream colour)... Still a black bear but looks very different.  The bear lays its head on my lap.  No fear - only love, peace and tranquility even though bears are huge and powerful.

My friend suggested i connect with the spirit of Bear to help me... of which i did... i connected with a lovely photo of a black bear (right)... and went within to say 'hello'...

It's interesting, back in September, a black bear paid me a visit when i was parking my car... i had just got home and was just getting some groceries out of the car when s/he came trotting right out of the forest towards me.... we shared quite 'the hello'... 

It was a brief encounter though a very exciting one... I was sooo taken with her size, beauty and grace and how fast she moved!  I didn't think much of that encounter at the time... though knew inside my heart that i had received a sweet blessing...

After the dream, we were then guided to look further for housing out of Vancouver and over to the Island in and around Nanaimo... We noticed that prices weren't so high and more affordable... perhaps there was some hope here?... The thought of moving away from Vancouver/Burnaby was a concern... as i have lived here most of my life... my family was here and my work was here...

We still weren't finding much there either when, we began to see some rentals on Gabriola Island... we had seen a couple that looked good though, we assumed were gone - as they had been posted back in January.

Something nudged us to contact one of the ads we kept seeing - just to see if maybe, it was still available and, low and behold, it was!   We made contact and arrangements to go over to 'Gabe' to have a look and meet the owner.  On the way over, on the ferry we decided to contact another more recent ad and the owner answered and she interviewed us over the phone... The owner then decided to fly out from Alberta to meet us later that next day.

So, in the end, the second house turned out to be 'the one' - as soon as we walked in the door, we both felt strongly we were 'home'... we made the decision to say yes and make this big move to 'Gabe'...

We weren't expecting this at all...  though i know deeply that spirit has directed this big move in so many ways...and time will reveal more i'm sure...  I believe that mama bear has marked this new 'pacha' for us when she showed up out of the blue last September when she walked out of the forest and completely sniffed me out in my recent dream... She helped us 'sniff' out a new home... to embrace a whole new pacha-shift in our lives.... we've been invited to go even deeper within our own spirit... an opportunity to grow a strength connected much closer to mother earth...

I now stand in complete wonder... amazement... and, some fear beginning again so anew... and some sadness all at the same time... = holy wow...

Even though we are leaving the 'big city'...the Vancouver area to live on Gabriola Island, please know i am not far away - that i will still be back working in Vancouver on a regular basis (and other areas i have been been)... please see my calendar of what's coming up in April and throughout the year... I am open to all that is new in this shifting change...  thanks for taking the time to have a boo... 

with brightest blessing of much love + light...
​weaver x (((o)))

Holy wow... you never know when life will throw a curve ball at you...

At the beginning of January, my partner and i received notice to move from the lovely home we've called home over the last few years.

This notice came out of nowhere and we certainly weren't expecting it. The owners informed us that their lives had shifted and they needed to move back in the space we've been renting.

Whoa! Now?

Of course when something like this happens, it's never good timing... We were shocked... and i know i went through the many phases of that shock... not knowing where we'll be next is a big part of that...
And so, we are now in the throes of packing up our home and squeezing it all into cardboard boxes... searching for a new place to live while at the same time keeping the balance of work and daily life...

Not long after hearing, we chose to offer a despacho ceremony... to offer our gratitude for the time we have had here in this beautiful space and community... and to offer our intentions of what and where we wish to land in our new home - wherever that will be...

There are many types of despachos offered in the Andean cosmology and daily life...

The 'despacho gift' we chose to create in ceremony was an ayni/gratitude gift for our blessed earth mother, Pachamama.... (see our photo above).

Flowers, leaves and combustible ingredients like grains, aromatic dried plants and sweets are added in layers on top of a piece of wrapping paper.

Every item is 'prayed through' and holds meaning as it is placed mindfully in mandala form.
​
When the despacho is complete, it is wrapped up, just like a gift, tied with a ribbon and then offered to a sacred fire for transformation to the light - to be freely given away to the helping spirits and mother earth - to give thanks in right relationship (ayni)...

We lovingly created our despacho andplaced it in our sacred fire  in the hearth to burn.

We turned our backs in respect to allow the spirits to 'consume' our prayer-gift.... as our gift burned, i offered some soft drumming to hold space... to honour our sweet spirit-helpers doing this work on our behalf...

When we knew it had been fully burnt, we turned to sit on the couch together to watch the fire continue to burn... A few minutes later, we both realized that we were hearing soft drums drumming from what seemed a distance away...

At first, we thought perhaps the drummers were outside somewhere...
Though we soon realized that the drums drumming were actually coming right from the fire! ...The flames were actually dancing to the rhythm of the spirit drums drumming...

We sat in complete awe for quite some time listening to the 'fire drummers' drumming for us - knowing on a deep level that our heart-gift had been accepted and acknowledged in such a beautiful way... that, we were receiving such a blessed gift from our helpers who were supporting us...

Our hearts were opened and we felt so blessed in much joy!!!... a moment we shall never forget and hold so dear in our hearts confirming that we are never alone...

We thank you fire drummers for your wonderful support and for the gift of 'hearing' your sacred healing rhythms of love and light... wow!

We still don't know where we're going to land as of yet - though we trust that the best new home is awaiting for us as we prepare to move for April 1st...

With much love + light... in ayni and deep munay... 
weaver x (((o)))

• above photos by carol weaver © copyright 2016 - all rights reserved

update:  I thought i had repaired that little tear i wrote about a few posts ago - when laughing wolf accidentally fell and was wounded.... and out of the blue one day, i discovered the tear had split even more... it had grown sooo long that dear laughing wolf now requires a complete re-skinning... she will never ever sound or look the same again...... a major 'death' of sorts... stuff is definitely shifting...

Ouch!... it all feels pretty strange that she is no longer 'playable' or sounding her beautiful resonant voice... soon, i will be removing her beautiful torn goat hide and have called + prayed for a new voice-hide to come so i can re-birth her...

A wonderful thing has happened during all this... spirit guided me to finally find and re-connect with John, the dear man who originally birthed laughing wolf - it was wonderful to re-connect with him again and he has taught me much about this sacred drum... thank you John with so much gratitude and appreciation... i am so very glad we are back in touch... he is freely sharing his knowledge with me to re-birth laughing wolf myself this time... 

I know deep in my heart that i am grieving and at the same time, very aware that i am in a deep place of transition of 'what's next?' = a new pacha... the tear actually originated from the place of the east - the place of my 'becoming' and new birth...

I also find it quite interesting that i am care-taking yet another sacred drum without her hide and no physical voice... (the other is windwalker)...

Recently, i was guided to ask a question of an elder grandmother...

"Is there a message from our blessed earth mother's 'deep heart'?...

Without hesitation, a deep teaching came through dear grandmother...

"The deep heart of the mother needs healing........."

"...What does mother's deep heart need?...

"...allow your self to experience the frequency of that call........... [pause]...

...allow your self to know...if you hold your hands in Gaia mudra - with the thumb and the tip of the index finger together and the other fingers stretched out straight.........."

"...Your body is the deep heart of the mother... the mind and every cell of your body, in every nucleus of every cell is a resonant frequency that absorbs the messages from the deep heart of mother earth..."

"...You are the deep heart... when you go into the forest... you are the deep heart when you ride your horse over a pasture... you are the deep heart of the mother when you're swimming in an ocean - not a chlorinated pool..."

"...You are the deep heart because you're 70-80% liquid... When you're in a powerful natural setting, you are receptive to the 'signature' and 'pulses' of 14 billion years of earth...and, that's the message from the deep heart...and my advocacy for you is to join us in a journey to the deep heart of the mother..."

"...She is we and we are she now........."

Thank you grandmother for this deep teaching... with so much gratitude...

Perhaps having the responsibility of two very special sacred drums in my care at the moment, is teaching me a 'whole' new way of 'listening'... a way of 'wholeness'... 'be-ingness' and 'open-ness'... perhaps my dear drum - these two dear sacred drums are 'drumming me' for now...

...and that's okay - for now...

I continue to await for 'what's next' knowing deep within my own 'knower and the known' that, all that matters is the present moment of right now...

Bright blessings to you all with deep love and hoards of light - i look forward to being in sacred circle with you soon.... weaver x (((o)))

PS... another update... what's interesting is that my teacher's drum broke almost the same way two weeks prior to my drum breaking... of which i can't help knowing that perhaps this relationship of 'teacher/student' has come to a much-needed close...

"The wound is the place where the light enters you..." -Rumi
​
there are no accidents! x (((o)))

Talk about timing... it happened right out of the blue, just a couple days before our winter solstice sacred drum circle + ceremony this last December...

laughing wolf, the 27-inch sacred 'big' wind drum that i humbly caretake and carry suddenly fell down - and she fell down hard...

At first i thought she was okay however, with a closer look, her beautiful goat hide had been torn from the impact of the fall in the lower southeast...

OMG, yikes!...my heart sank. I closed my eyes and was immediately catapulted to the center of my heart... all i could do was take one grrreat big deep breath and prayed....

Initially i wanted to cry right out loud... I believe a year or more earlier i certainly would have...

In that moment of stark-reality as i hugged onto to my dear wounded drum... what i felt was a strange deep calm of sorts...

Breathing certainly helped in a huge way...

I also knew that this happening that happened to my sacred drum - an instrument sooo dear and close to me was probably some kind of 'shift'... perhaps a new pacha (time) has come right 'now'...

Oh, how the sacred drum can place us in the present 'now' moment - even when i wasn't even playing her!

This happened to one of my other drums about 11 years ago that also marked a new pacha shift for me...

So, what is this present 'wounding' informing? What is the 'healed state' my dear drum showing me now?...

I re-membered the beautiful quote by Rumi...

"The wound is the place where the light enters you."

Well... the light was definitely shining through me and that torn and ripped hide! And she had lost her voice - sounding like a buzzing, flapping piece of paper... oh my and wow.............

A few days later, a friend pointed out that the tear held an interesting shape... she shared with me that she saw a snake's head with a forked tongue (see photo above)...

How fitting to see sachamama/amaru the serpent of light now sitting so prevalent in the southeast of my drum facing east... This archetype traditionally sits in the medicine wheel in the south-place of the "physical"... Also, in the east, the 'eagle-place', the place of our "becoming"... new beginnings and vision...

I know from this past year i have been dealing with some health issues a number of times - i am very aware i must attend to another layer of physical healing to embrace the "light" of who i truly am - without fear... my dear sacred drum has yet again revealed a 'healed state' for me on so many levels... and, i give thanks for this...

I managed to repair the tear in time for the ceremony and it seems to have healed her for the time being - if i can call it that... I was thrilled she sounded again - tho, not quite the same as before... there is a new sound now within her sound it seems... perhaps there is a whole new "light-frequency" that has been birthed on some level...? Our winter solstice ceremony was beautiful as we welcomed the new light coming...

I can still see the light shine through her new "open" amaru-serpent shape on her hide when i play her - reminding of the deep healing i have been given layer by layer as i continue my journey of the 'wounded healer'...

As i still 'grieve' what happened and move through this recent 'wounding'... i remain "open" to what is next...

One thing i know and have learned yet again is that "things never stay the same" that's for sure! I welcome this new year and new pacha time with excitement of what's next...

Bright blessings to you all dear friends... 
with love and light, weaver x (((o)))

Every once in a while i recall a past incident or better yet - a very interesting experience... and i still can't help but wonder about this one... In fact... i just can't quite figure it out - definitly one of those "shake your head" things......a divine moment perhaps?...

One afternoon, i had been visiting a good friend for lunch and after, as i was just driving home... me and my little car were merrily motoring along on busy 12th street in the right lane nearing the intersection of Clark Drive... on 12th there are 4 lanes of endless traffic that go along at quite a clip... 2 lanes going west and 2 lanes going east... it's one of those Vancouver streets that never stops it seems...

As i'm driving heading east something happens to catch my attention to the left side out of the corner of my eye (on the other opposite of the road!)... right at the edge of the sidewalk is a tiny, little tabby kitten that is about to step down off the curb and onto the road... and ultimately into the heavy traffic... yikes!

I'll never forget that graphic-scene... the kitten was sooo small and about the same height as the curb... which meant if it did continue that step down, it was sure to take a tumble head-over-paws right into the traffic!  It was inevitable - a sure-thing....

Now... really?... What was he or she thinking...?  And to this day i still can't believe that i happened to catch this "incident'  as i was roaring by (at about 35 km)... How was it that in that split-second-moment i happened to see this as i was going by so fast... it was kind of weird... it was almost as if time slowed down a tad - just for me to witness this... it was quite terrifying yet so graphically real...

And so as my brain computes the doomed outcome... feeling so helpless 'cause i'm driving, i screamed right out loud to the universe and to the little kitty now behind me,

"Noooooooooo!!!  STOP!!!!  Right NOW!!!"

After my outburst i was now near the intersection of Clark Street... feeling much dread with terrible thought... OMG!

I recklessly switched into the left lane and swung left into a gas station and parked... i jumped out of the car and raced down the sidewalk back to the scene expecting to peel what was left of the kitten off the pavement... i was sure of that...

When i get back to where i thought i had seen the kitten on the north side of the block... i look all over the pavement... nothing!  I look everywhere...still no kitten.  I search and search out onto the 4 lanes of raging traffic and still can't see a kitten or remnants anywhere.  I search the other side with hopes he had somehow and miraculously maybe made it across - nothing.   I look behind me... i look on either side of the sidewalk... nada... still nothing.  All there is... is the continuous steady traffic noisily racing to and fro in front of me... "Wow?", i think to myself... that's one amazing kitten... i wonder how the heck he got out of that one?  Where the heck did he go...........?

I couldn't help but feel like an idiot - did i REALLY see what i thought i saw?

I thought i saw a puddy-cat...

Standing facing the traffic i'm absolutely totally perplexed... literally scratching my head asking myself again... did i really see what i thought i saw?   Am i in the right place looking now?... to double-check i walked up and down along the sidewalk checking again and again - back and forth many times over and... still nothing.  I was sure it was here - in this place... i'm positive!

Just when i think about giving up and start walking the block back to my car...  inside the rhythmic-swishing of the traffic, i hear faint mewing-cries a short distance away... at first i can't tell where the mewing is coming from - i look around and around searching... and then i realize that the crying is coming from one of the houses behind me...

"Where are you?" i actually cry out....... i turn around to face the relentless mewing-sounds but i still can't see where... my ears and eyes follow the desperate cries of help and then... i finally see UP on a house balcony in front of me, pacing back and forth hysterically against and in-and-around the balcony's rod-iron bars is a tabby kitten - and he seemed to be mewing at 'me"..........wanting my attention....

"Huh?.. i say to myself.....is this the same kitten???  No frickin' way... how can it be???"... i spin a 360-degree turn completely to see again for the kitten i thought i saw around on the ground or on the road... anywhere... there has to be another kitten... come on...............

Whaaat?...

How the **** did he get up there?... i again ask myself if this is the same kitten i saw earlier stepping off the curb...? ......it sure looks like..... it could be?????...

As i'm standing on the sidewalk in absolute disbelief and shock watching the balcony kitten mewing incessantly at me running back and forth...... the kitten then throws itself off the 20-or-so-foot balcony  and lands hard onto the lawn below and dashes towards me in short leaps through the long lawn grass, crying the whole way until...

He reaches me... and i pick him up gently cupping him in my hands holding him up to my eye-level... We look at each other - i'm completely awed dumbfounded - he's sooooooo little.... ... i can feel his little heart just-a-pounding and he won't stop stop mewing... and to boot... he had pooped himself...... i promptly wipe him and my hands off together on the grass - nervously hanging on to him to keep him safe...and trying to reassure him he was okay now that he was in my nervous hands......

OK... so now what?.........

I stand there for quite some time holding him continuing to comfort him and settle him down... i really didn't know what to do.......

I eventually decide to knock on a few doors in the block to see if he belongs to anyone... after a number of feeble  attempts i give up as anyone i talked to didn't want to have anything to do with him.  And so... i head back to my car with kitty in hand...

Once in the car, i again wipe him and me off with a rag and decide to take him to an SPCA i know about not far away on Clark Drive... i realize i can't keep him as i already have 2 pets of my own... i had to do something... 'cause i  couldn't just leave him there....
When i arrive at the SPCA... i hand him over to the folks there, tell the story of how i found him and they assure me that he'll be probably adopted within the next few hours because he's so little and so cute... i reluctantly pass him over saying a quiet goodbye, give him a last pet and wish him the best - thanking him silently in some way...... and the SPCA folk thanked me for bringing him in telling me how lucky that kitten was to have found me...

Found me? ... i believe he definitely found me!  ...or, some divine intervention happened for both of us - for each of us - in one given moment of time... or........ no-time???

Still shaking my head and a tad teary to let him go, i head for the bathroom to clean up and leave to finally go home... all that day i was left with a mixed feeling of bizaare wonderment and somewhat confused.......

Well... what do you think all that was?... just coincidence?... or what?...

...i don't know...................

To tell you the truth i'm really still not sure... but i just can't help but think that somehow... that i witnessed and was a part of some kind of "divine grab" of some sort...... and still wonder to this day how i was a part of all that... Was it my immense feeling-state of yelling out "NO!" in the just-right-moment" - was my strong-feeling a prayer of some sort?........or what........?

And, oh yeah.... little guy - wherever you ended up or wherever you are or from... thank you for the gift of showing me a little more of the blessed divine!

I welcome your thoughts and/or comments my friends...... and would love to hear if you have ever experienced anything similar to this..........

Bright blessings with always so much light and love,
weaver (((o)))

poem...


again

out walking today
rust red rose hips
sing to me

taking me back
to you...

over and over and
over and over

and...

over and over and
over and over

and...

over and over and
over and over

again...


- weaver © 09/04

note... while reading the above poem aloud slowly... it may remind you of soft, loving drumming over and over and over and over........ x (((o)))

...honouring beejay madeline-sneak
...i shall never forget you my 'little bear'
​ever...