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grief can weigh us down…

8/6/2023

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photo source unknowngrief + sadness can be heavy…

​Sometimes i forget to use the tools i’ve been given. And, it’s good to remember that i have access to them anytime.  Remembering can be a challenge!

​It’s been interesting of late… having both of my parents pass within 3 months of each other, (even though they lived 42 years apart), i didn’t realize the amount of grief i’ve been feeling + carrying for some time now—even before they passed over, that threshold to the light of who they truly are.

It hit me the other day, out-of-the-blue, i remembered this blessed gift of ceremony and contemplation that i’ve been given and it has truly helped, once more.  I feel much lighter, perhaps brighter…. I do know that grief never really goes away, and i find it’s another dear process of life that i’m learning to live with.

And, so i’m sharing this powerful process, a blessed opportunity to offer presence… stillness… inquiry… an easeful letting go… inviting the elements of cleansing salt + fire to offer support, deep relationship…

I share again with hopes that it can also help others.  I have held a grief bundle for a while now and work with it when i feel i need to.  (or remember to)…

This is a simple process... an old practice that can help honour our grief/sadness + release it through co-creation with the earth’s gifts of cleansing fire + salt through a easeful ceremony.

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What you will need to gather...
  • a cloth - doesn’t matter what colour, though often black is often used
  • a white candle or two (matches to light)
  • a small bowl of water
  • some salt - about 1/4 cup (a natural salt like pink Himalayan is good)
  • some small stones or one stone (from the earth that can represent your grief/sadness/fears)
  • anything else that you wish to include that represents your grief/sadness, etc.

Assemble all your items + to prepare/create ceremony…
(can be offered inside or out)
  • be in a quiet space and mindfully open + create a container of sacred space around you... whichever way works for you, as it’s important to ‘be’ in a safe space (ie., turn off phones, distractions, etc)
  • light the candle(s), which opens the ceremony
  • place the salt in the bowl of water + mix
  • spend some time with each item you have chosen to represent your grief/sadness/fears and when you feel ready, using your breath with intention, blow your feeling-essence into the stone... letting them go to our Mother earth - who will hold those feelings safe within Her belly—through the stone
  • sit within the peace of quiet for as long as you need... knowing that the salt water + flame will gently draw the grief/sadness/fear out of your temple
  • when you feel complete, blow the candle(s) out - which completes the ceremony... and close your sacred space around you
  • your can either wrap your bundle or place as an altar in a special sacred place in your home

You can choose to offer this grief ceremony as many times as you feel you need to.  And, when you feel ready, you can disperse the stones back to the earth by burying them, or by placing them in the ocean—which will also continue to clear that heaviness or darkness that no longer serves.

It’s an honour to share this simple, yet powerful process with you.  It is my hope it can help during this time or anytime you are in need… and, do feel free to share, if you wish.

with much love + light, 
weaver x (((💜)))

*some notes:  ‘dark and heavy energy’ (like grief/sadness, etc) is not negative, positive or bad energy.  It’s just simply ‘heavy and dark‘, and it can weigh us down.  This type of energy doesn’t serve and often, it’s not even ours to hold.  

See energy as either light or dark, and know the ‘dark’ can be released easily.  We don’t have to feel we have to hold onto it.  One of the many gifts our blessed earth Mother offers is, She can release that ‘dark’ energy on behalf, for us.  She transforms it, like compost, back into Light—which is who we truly are! 

*another note:  re washing or what to do with the stone/stones after…
It’s up to you what you choose to do with your stone(s).  Check in with them + simply ask.  Sometimes stones have done their work and may tell you they need dispersing or not.  They are the old, wise ones and the story-tellers of our blessed Mother, the land.  And, they have much to share with you—if you only ask.  Connect with all your senses somatically to hook in, ask and listen deeply.  Remember, we all connect in different ways… some see, some feel + sense, some hear, taste, smell, etc.. etc...
Hope that helps.
​
I welcome your thoughts and feedback…
​Did this process work for you?  Anything else?
with brightest blessings of much love,
wx (((💜)))

art by weaver © 2023
our mother composts our heavy + dark energy into light…
top butterfly image source unknown… x
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by chance journey…

7/17/2023

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colourwater by weavercolourwater by weaver…
by chance journey, a poem…

yesterday...
    i was nudged to journey
    while drawing + painting

something drew me in

go deeper
    to a rooted place
    buried... threads fragile
    thin multi-coloured mark-making

revealing... what?

i tracked
    ever so lightly... tenderly
    my slanted hand steered

just go...

i offered a wee hello while
    i migrated... wandered... hunted... chased
    that perhaps

i was on to something

travelling alongside washed
    black-ink-penned
    shaky-handed
    painted threads of

my own weave  r
   she is

very fine, dazzling tapestry path of filament light
    capturing a glimpse
    my tender glittered strength
    torn-worn tangles... grief... joy... pain... celebrations
ancient... new


now...

some grief drops
    splashing upon my soaked page
    blending abstract... accident... of be-ing
    inside
    my owned inked hues

    becoming
    perhaps
​a re-weaving?


i will definitely call again soon.


​by weaver © 2021

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my journey birthing a womyn’s frame drum…

3/8/2023

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I recently birthed a womyn’s red frame drum for a local curated art show that happened through our local Arts Council and it took me a month to complete—over a full month’s moon phase… and completed it on International Women’s Day, March 8th, 2023.  

​My Art Drum piece was part of a group curated art show and community discussions held here on Gabriola, through the Triumph  program, Covid Vs Climate Change which ran the weekend of March 17-19, 2023.

​—> more to come, below is a short slideshow of some of my process and my artist statement below that… i am working on a video that will show the birthing process.

If you are called to hold + caretake this drum, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
The Voice of Our Mother Earth
​mixed media; wood, rawhide, leather, plant dye/acrylics/gold leaf
size: 16-inch diameter x 2.75-inches high

my artist statement…

Picture
I came into this world drumming and have been birthing drums for the last 30 years since I was apprenticed by my teacher.  How I approach my drum making art is through intuitive inquiry and contemplation.  I allow the elements of wood and skin to inform me of what wants to come through as art.  There is much spirit within the wood and skin; everything holds meaning for me and a big part of my spiritual practice.
​
The drum is universal and considered sacred in many cultures dating back to the neolithic age and beyond.  The drum represents the ‘voice of our Mother earth’ and She is the earth.

When I considered responding to this call, my first thought was; ‘We as a mass consciousness have truly lost our right relationship to our earth Mother.  For We are the earth and We are sick and broken—hence why we are now dealing with climate change and COVID, etc.  After a number of sleepless nights and insight received, I realized that our Mother earth wanted to be a part of this show, that She wanted ‘Her voice’ in the room.

My process:  I always paint something red in the inner hoop of the drum to honour the animal that gave its life to become a drum—also an honouring of the ‘blood of the Mother’, and a re-birthing to become a drum as wood + skin are in essence, living, breathing beings.  Also, in the inner hoop are over 350 burned-in prayers.
The ‘bones’ of the drum: Local yellow cedar is sacred to these lands: it offers protection, cleansing and is known as the ‘world tree’. 

The ‘voice’ of the drum: Goat spirit holds the energy of strength, trust and standing one’s ground for Mother earth.  I have dyed the goat skin in natural plant dyes and the gold leaf dot/poppy flower placed on the drum’s center represents ‘the compacted energy of the universe before the first sound’… or, the ‘point from which creation begins.’ It also represents renewal and remembrance and honours the Slavic half of my ancestry.  There is also a ‘wound’ that has showed up on Her face, within the hide.

The colour red is significant in ancient womyn’s frame drums which were often painted a red ochre representing the earth Mother, women’s blood mysteries, fertility and birth.  This drum is played with the hands/fingers and one’s voice.
​
I invite you to engage/play/sing with this drum and sound our Mother’s voice.  What does She have to say?  It is my hope that my drum birthing art helps us to reconnect to our earth Mother, to once again, hear Her sacred voice, as we once did. She is indeed our Source, not a resource, for we wouldn’t be here without Her!


I wish to thank all those within the beautiful community in which we live… who helped to bring this dear drum into being…
Joanie Wright, my life-long partner for her loving support + beautiful hands, Jan Pullinger, Louse Rebelle, Heather Menzies, Joke Mensink, Anita Jackel, Allannah Dow and Carol Ferguson and GAHC crew for saying yes — i couldn’t have done it without you!

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requiem—who is remembered, lives!

2/10/2023

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In memoriam—for those we have lost since the pandemic, especially for dear Seraphina who we lost so tragically last summer…​

This piece is from a pressed leaf that i found in our back yard here on Gabriola…
It is finished on a 12 x 12 canvas, the background behind the leaf is painted in a glow-in-the-dark pain— to depict, that “our spirit lives on…’ — the outside framing and sides are painted in a metallic gold.

Last fall, while we were packing up to move, i gathered some of the leaves out of our yard and put them into a press and didn’t look them until earlier this year.  When i was preparing for the ‘Squared show’ that happens here on Gabriola, i pulled out this one leaf, and was astounded as to how exquisite it turned out... wishing i could remember what kind of leaf it originally was, because it had transformed so much.  And, so, i have not changed the leaf at all—it is in it’s original state and i was/felt compelled to include it into a piece of art and title it, “requiem—who is remembered lives!’—as we all have experienced so much loss over the last few years.
--$111.00 + shipping/handling
—please click on below images to view larger…
—if you would like to purchase, please contact me to make arrangements
Picture
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once upon a time…

2/8/2023

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once upon a timeonce upon a time…

​I’ve had another recent memory of my childhood—this time from grade one.

In our little two-room school-house i remember that i had to sit in the front room for grade because i was one of the few, if not the only one who wore glasses.  It seemed the teachers always made those of use who wore glasses, to sit at the front.
​
This particular day, we all were colouring and Mrs. D., our teacher, was standing at the front of the class reading from a storybook.  As she was reading, i was taken by and distracted by my classmate Billy who also colouring (he sat next to me at the front too)…

i thought what he was colouring, was beautiful.  And, so i simply leaned over to tell him saying something like, “that’s really pretty Billy—i like it’.

Right at the moment i had said that… Mrs. D., clouted me right over the head with the hardcover book she was reading from, shouting, 

“Don’t interrupt me when i’m reading to the class!’
“Ouch—that hurt”, i said to myself…

​I sometimes wonder if that’s perhaps why i deal with chronic neck + back pain to this day?

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“I’m leaving the door open…”

2/7/2023

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thick-lensed glasses

​I had a memory pop up recently—and that remembering can also be triggered from seeing someone wearing very thick ‘coke bottle’ lensed eye glasses. 

My recollection is from my early elementary school days, where i was probably in grade 5 or 6… The principal in that school was named Mr. P_____, who was a very tall well-dressed middle-aged white man with dark hair.  Mr. P_____ took his job as school principal very seriously.  I don’t remember seeing him smile much.  His dark-coloured rimmed glasses were definitely a part of who he was.  He would often tilt his head back and peer over them, as they often slipped  down his nose—probably from the sheer thick-weight of them.

During that time—it was probably around 1970 or so…and, the strap (corporal punishment) was still being used in schools until it was banned in about 1973.  And, Mr. P_____ seemed to like using the strap as a disciplinary action in our little school.  It certainly worked for him.

When some poor sod got into trouble and was sent to the principal’s office, fear would reign—as one would often get a strapping as a result.  I myself came very close to receiving the strap once—though managed to get out of it, some how, i have no idea how…

So, when a student was slated to receive the strap, what Mr. P_____ would do every time, was… He would go to every classroom one by one, open the door (he never knocked), rudely interrupt barging into the room, look over his thick black glasses and state very sternly: “I’m leaving the door open…” 

We soon learned what that meant…
​

He would then move on to the next room and do the same.  When he was done with each room, he would then go back to his office where the student was and, leave his office door open as well.  He would then proceed to strap that poor student.  

The whole school would go into a disturbed hush…

Needless to say, we as a student body were absolutely terrified…where we all ‘felt’ that strap together, ‘as one—while we were forced to listen to the cries streaming down the hall from his office.  

We were always relieved and breathed a big collective breath when it was finally over with.
​
Until, the next time.

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impermanence… remembering…

11/6/2022

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grand hosta in our garden…grand hosta from our garden…
I stumbled on this memory from 10 years ago—a posting i had posted, when we had lived in Burnaby…  something that taught me about impermanence… 

“I’m kind of sad to see our grand hosta heading off to sleep for the long winter... We have sooo enjoyed their strong presence in our humble garden.... Good night dear hosta—see you again in the spring... have fun hanging with our dear mother, during this dark half…” 

When we lived in Burnaby over 10 years ago, we had a shade garden where, we had many hosta plants that flourished—the photo above shows just one of them.

When we first rented this home, it came with a garden that had many plants that weren’t doing well because the canopy of the tall cedar trees had grown so high that they now shaded the garden.  So, over the eight years we lived there, we slowly transitioned the garden over to more shade and native plants that would grow and thrive in lower light.  Hostas are one great plant that do well in shade gardens!

When we moved off the lower mainland to a small gulf island, we moved our many hostas with us… it was quite a job—as many of them were in large ceramic pots and they were heavy to move.  However, they did survive the move—where they lived and thrived on our ‘shade deck’ in the forest, for six years.

Last January, we had to move once again—this time to a much smaller home… where we had to downsize considerably thus, giving away most of our beloved hosta plants to a dear friend.  They now live and thrive in her beloved garden.  

We truly miss them in many ways… We did keep a couple of hosta plants that live in pots outside our door—however, the local deer tend to nibble away at them and they (the hostas) never did get a chance to fully leaf out this year.  I think we’ll attempt to cage them in somehow, in the spring, so the deer can’t get at them—as they, the deer,  seem to think that our hostas are sweet candy!

Nothing ever stays the same… x (((💚)))

below, a fun video by John Denver on the Muppet Show, ‘The Garden Song’…

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Repent Sinner Sticker, Vancouver…

10/27/2022

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Repent Sinner T-ShirtClick to visit my Shop >>
What’s the Story about the Repent Sinner Sticker that was sprinkled about the streets of East Vancouver…

I’m not sure I know the whole story though, here’s what I saw + learned back then.

When i lived + worked in the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver during the mid 1980’s + 90s, I kept seeing a ‘Repent Sinner’ sticker plastered about the city and beyond. Every sticker I happened to see, was always hand-written in two colours:  the first word, Repent in red and the 2nd, Sinner in black with a jiffy marker.

These stickers were posted randomly, all over—on telephone poles, walls and benches—sprinkled about and throughout the eastside of Vancouver (DTES).  

​Rumour has it, that it was an elderly Jamaican woman who was the culprit—who definitely had made her message clear… Frankly, I thought it was a brilliant guerrilla marketing art project—which became a wee Vancouver urban legend!  We’ll never really know… though, i feel it’s very cool… x (((o)))

If you happen to know more about this legend of Vancouver, drop me a comment below…
​
Also, you’re invited to visit my ‘Repent Sinner’ Shop at Redbubble >>

Repent Sinner Sticker
Click image to visit my redbubble repent sinner shop >>
—design by weaver © copyright 2021—all rights reserved

My Redbubble Shop featuring my Art + Photography >>

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Re-membering… to get outside so my light-body can relax + expand yet again…

10/15/2022

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Pictureconnecting deeply…
​Feeling like the world is getting too much again—sometimes i forget to use the tools i’ve been given.

Re-membering that our dear Mother is always there for me… for us.

It’s a reciprocal relationship… me + She… as i feed Her... She feeds me.

What works good for me is, to just get outside and to simply connect with a big tree… one grand, rooted soul i can get my arms around and just hold on + say hello and perhaps offer a gift of my heart, my love—cuz i know i only breathe cuz trees breathe… i ground my self deep… letting go through my sacred breath deep down through Her stone layers—to the crystal core of our dear Mother, i connect with her resonant fire—Her flame of compassion that burns away all that no longer serves me.

Re-membering to just get outside—so my light-body can relax and expand, yet again….

​I let go of my ‘stuff’… all that dark + heavy stuff… and She lovingly composts it back into light—then i mindfully bring that fire of passion back up to feed me… into those places, the nooks + crannies that need lightening—so i can shine bright once again… so, now i can perhaps help others of need… we have to fill up first… thank you dear trees… dear Mother for your blessed gifts.

​—photo by jp wright/art by weaver…

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singing us home… our new moon concert

8/27/2022

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We had a lovely gathering together on Wednesday evening, August 24, 2022 to celebrate the upcoming New Moon and sing together… It was wonderful for Allannah + i to have dear hearts ‘in the room’ for the first time in 2.5 years since the pandemic arrived…  it was sooo good to sing together once again!

We also dedicated this show to all those dear to us—that we lost, since the pandemic—who is remembered, lives!


So, thank you to all for coming to join us—we look forward to more in the future.

However, we were saddened that we experienced a technical issue regarding our face-time live that we usually offer.   I was only glad that i managed to video-record the show so we can share with our online audience… please scroll down page below to view…

If you would like to offer a donation towards our work, know it’s always appreciated… for it is our work, thank you!
• for paypal please use this link >>
• if you prefer interac e-transfer, pls email weaver for email address >>

Thank you for supporting live music xoxo (((💜)))
Click the video, photo links to view… show runs about 1 hour, 7-mins total… ​https://youtu.be/bPsXt-FHBtc

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    i wish to acknowledge with gratitude that i live, work + play on the traditional and unceded territory of the Snuneymuxw First Nation...
    carol weaver

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