​a poem........

yesterday...
i was nudged to journey...
while drawing + painting...
​
something ‘drew’ me in...

go deeper... 
to a rooted place...
buried... threads fragiled...
thin multi-coloured mark-making...
revealing... what?

i tracked...
ever so lightly... tenderly...
my slanted hand steered...
“just go”..........

i offered a wee hello while...
i migrated... wandered... hunted... chased...
that perhaps...

i was on to something......

travelling alongside washed...
black-ink-penned...
shaky-handed....
painted threads of...

my own weave...

she is...

very fine, dazzling tapestry path of filament light...
capturing a glimpse......
my tender glittered strength...
​torn-worn tangles... grief... joy... pain... celebrations...
ancient... new........
​
now...

grief drops...
splashing upon my soaked page...
blending abstract... accident... of be-ing...
inside...
​my owned inked hues...
becoming......

perhaps...
​... a re-weaving?

i will definitely call again soon..... x (((💜)))

This is a big ceremonial drum on a 20-inch maple hoop with a strong moose spirit that was plant-dyed in a rich, wine-red… the hoop is stained + finished, with the inner hoop stained red ochre + wood-burned with prayers, honouring the moose who gave its life to become this sacred drum… to be re-birthed with new life, spirit + sacred sound…

The mallet is from a found arbutus branch, finished + burned with a suede pocket…. the back of the drum is finished in a rainbow yarn wrap + black felt handle… Painted on the front in acrylics is an open red rose… tied to the back of the drum is a small wild turkey feather - of which i found on the ground next to the soaking bin, the morning of July 22nd (during her second birthing)… wild turkey holds the energy of ‘shared blessings’ and ‘harvest’ - marking the fire festival of Lughnasadh, the time of the first harvest on the Celtic wheel of life (which happens August 1st every year)...

I fastened to the top/sides of the drum, a hand-made 'blessing' scarf.  The scarf is attached is removable, if needed.  Drums from the Siberian regions of Russia often have cloths or scarves (khadags) attached to their drums that are used for blessing…. when the drum is played with the intention of 'drawing down/in the spirits' or 'drawing down/in blessing power', the blessings or healing power pours… cloths tied to drums can also be used  to transfer this spirit power... ie., during a healing ceremony, face each of the four directions in turn, including the upper sky + lower earth powers, drum and ask for blessings to come into your drum in aid of the person you are offering the healing work for…

I have also infused the drum with the 2nd degree Reiki symbol, ‘Choku Rei’... which means, “place the power of the universe here now”... making this is a ‘healing sacred drum’ that holds good healing intention...

About the spirit of moose… One of the most obvious things that a moose animal totem symbolizes is immense strength + power... the sheer size of this animal gives it a certain prestige. This isn’t an animal that you want to upset. The strength of the male moose can also symbolize bravery and courage. They aren’t afraid to fight for what they want, even if it could result in a broken antler or death... other traits are... gentle, strong, brave, dominating, power-full, courageous, fast, enduring, agile, communal, graceful, adaptive…

I was guided to birth this sacred drum over six weeks ago and it’s been quite the journey for both of us… and, i know that She had her own journey - i was merely her hands in Her becoming… 

I also like to note that this sacred drum was birthed during the Lion’s Gate Activation Portal that happens every year in the astrological sign of Leo between July 26 through to August 12th... 

I began during the Pisces full moon in early July (2020), the process of soaking a very strong Moose hide… which had been cut from the upper middle shoulder part of the animal - probably the thickest part… i was thrilled to be working with a hide that held the backbone line through what would be the center of the drum - this doesn’t happen often as i attempt to use all parts of a hide, so as to not waste...

i was also experimenting with a new dye vat mixed of tumeric + other natural elements - mostly as an experiment to see what effect i may see, wondering how this moose hide would turn out… I was also dying some rattle heads in my red dye vat... and, to stop the dye process with the rattle heads, i transferred them from the red bin to the new tumeric bin.  I noticed the next morning that the rattle heads had stained the moose hide with large spots of red… “Oh, stink!” i said, “i guess this drum wants to be red”.. so i simply moved the hide over to the red vat.  

She was birthed not long after, however, i failed to pull her tight enough where the drum just wouldn’t come in to her voice… so, i sat with her for about two weeks hoping that she would eventually come into voice… disappointed i questioned many times if this drum was even meant to be… was i no longer strong enough to birth such a strong + big drum?  After many days sitting with this, i chose to take the drum apart and re-birth her all over again… something was definitely nudging me to not give up...

The morning i returned her moose hide to the soaking bin, i noticed a small turkey feather had fallen right next to the bin… i picked it up knowing that this spirit held special significance to this cycle of Lughnasadh...

What i didn’t know at that time until later, that this morning was July 22nd… the Feast of Mary Magdalene… hmmmnnn… interesting as it seemed that this drum was being divinely guided to perhaps, become an honouring sacred drum to the Magdalene + the divine feminine… ah ha!  She was calling me or prompting this process… it seemed right that she was to re-birthed...

I knew some about this beautiful goddess that represents divine love and was compelled to research some more the Magdalene… the one symbol that represents Her, that kept coming up, was the Rose… i thought wow, knowing that the rose is one of, if not the highest vibrational flowers/plant...

Rose is sacred...she is the closest thing to love in tangible form. Literally.  Her vibration is measured at 320 MHz.  She is as high as it gets in terms of ‘things we can actually see…’ and more...

During a Virgo new moon she was ready to birthed again, this time, after her drying gestation, she did come into finding her voice and my heart was thrilled… i have to admit she is a heavy drum because of her size + weight of the hide… her sound is different than any other drums i have birthed… she holds a good deep sound + resonates much healing energy out… even without playing Her!

In ceremony i painted her face with a large red rose during a Leo new moon on August 17/18th when i received a message, i feel from the Magdalene herself that this, Her sacred ceremonial drum is to sound the return of Her becoming… the return of the Divine Feminine… to sound + hold the intention of humanity to once again return to honouring our blessed earth Mother as our Source… to remember Her… to Respect Her… to love Her - for we wouldn’t be here without Her!

An added note… I was taught by a couple of teachers (one being, the wonderful Djembe drummer + feminist, Ubaka Hill) to never, ever ‘beat’ my drum… as we know, the sacred drum represents ‘Mother’ + the voice of the Mother and She has been raped, beaten + abused for far too long enough… perhaps we can watch our language we use about the sacred drum... knowing that our ‘words’ hold power + intention = our words create… also, i never call my mallet a ‘beater’... ‘cause when we deconstruct that word, ‘beater’ to...“beat - her”... knowing this i am mindful to longer call my mallet or stick that name… i also choose to ‘play’ my drum versus ‘beat’ or ‘beating’’ my drum...

Also, looking close up to this drum, you may notice that her hide may look somewhat ‘beaten up’… it has not.  Though, i believe that ‘Mary’ is perhaps showing us that the Mother is done with being abused + beaten up... and the marks + imperfections in the hide, remind us of that…

This sacred Ceremonial drum has found Her caretaker... if you have interest in my sacred work please, don’t hesitate to contact me  or visit my spirit art drums shop >>

blessed be + brightest blessings…
i am honoured to be offering this, my sacred work, thank you...
weaver x (((o)))

• all photos + video by weaver © 2020 copyright...

Back in 2006, during a sacred fire ceremony, i caught a moment’s glimpse of our circle ‘stepping into our becoming’ of who ‘we’ truly are... 

crystals carried...
mindfully left behind with
light-lined mountain spirit...

rumble sounds from deep within our Mother...

lying on my back letting go... letting go...
it’s okay... just letting go...

spirials of feather wands and stones...
drumming my core out and in again...

’round and ‘round we go...
again and again...
purple flamed fires
there... reflect...

our beautiful circle...

standing up... standing ready...
within all our glory...
​power-full!

eyes shining bright... faces so star-aware...
reclaiming who we truly are...

our blessed earth Mother...
Her children... re-membering...
we love... 

with brightest blessings... x (((o)))
​by weaver © 14/08/2006

The other day, in a quiet moment... I was imagining... wondering what life may have looked like if I had grown up in a more positive environment?  Would I have more self-confidence?... be more extroverted?... would I feel as much as I do?... or see as deeply as I see? ...does it even matter?...

​Since the mark of the new year... especially during today's full moon/eclipse in cancer, i’ve been spending some good time journeying in... to that place of my own preciousness ... the place of my healed state - the light of who I truly am... it's been an interesting re-hello.........

Since moving here to beautiful Gabriola, I've learned a lot about fire... I like that I tend our hearth-fire... chopping wood, stacking, lighting... We heat our home exclusively with the wood stove... so, during the dark cold months, our fire is always going needing continual tending...

For the last couple of weeks, in the evenings, I've been quite drawn to sit on the floor, right in front of the wood stove... I love opening the door, welcoming the radiant heat blasting my face, all of me... appreciating how the warm goes right inside and through me... I'm really loving fire right now...  I know it's been helping me... 

Looking back... to a place before... little, young and wee... recalling dissonant heavy stuff that i managed to soak up like a soft sponge cuz I trusted... I felt a lot, a whole fecking lot!... took on agreements that weren't mine... didn't even belong to me...

​So i’ve been lovingly giving that heavy energy away... letting go... gifting it to the cleansing sacred fire... mindfully, safely opening up...unwinding my three worlds...

• the place of my will, at my belly of right action...
• the place of my compassionate heart of munay, right loving...
• and the place of my mind.... clear thinking, pure thought...

Choosing to empty it ALL out... that which no longer serves... all I've seen...  all I have heard... all I felt... yanking out a lot of the old threads... feeding them to the sacred flame... where my blessed earth mother welcomes my black compost, which feeds her... she then transforms that darkness back to Sami-light...resonant life... a beautiful relationship of reciprocity... I feed Her as She feeds me...

I pick it all out with my trusty seam-ripper ... cutting + pulling out long strands that have been running on automatic...in the background... like downed, live power-lines, flailing about...

After all that heaviness burns to the ground... I then gather that sweet gift of light transformed, back into my belly, heart and mind... re-informing... filling myself back up with the bright clear light of who I truly am...

hello weaver.........

It feels good to continue to rip out those embedded seams that don’t belong or match my own weave... my dreaming... 

​happy new year with brightest blessings... xo (((o)))

"Mother, Bear...
   invites me...
      into her darkly cave...
         where silence surrounds... the answers She gave..."

 "Interesting..."
is a word you may hear me utter... usually when i can't explain something... or i've experienced something profound through Spirit...  Recently i had a re-visit from Mother Bear... a spirit Bear...

​It seems my life's journey holds quite a magical bent... and, often feel like i don't know what i'm doing half the time... oh, i know that's a self-judgement... though i do "keep on keeping on"... staying on my path as best i can... and when i allow... 'magical stuff' can happen and will show up... usually when i least expect it... 

Recently, i was chatting with a dear friend about my creative process... and, how my own intuitional knowing doesn't always inform at the time i would prefer it... though, my inner knowing, creative sourcing will often kick in much later, sometimes days or weeks later or... my knowing informs in a whole different route than expected.  I would never claim i'm psychic though, know i'm definitely spirit-guided, individually intuitive with much gratitude... i am so blessed with a heck of a lot of unseen help from the Spirit realm... I am one lucky bum...

"living breathing light...
push kawsay holographic...
i know i'm out there..."  --Haiku by weaver...  

The word, "kawsay" (pronounced cow-sai), comes from the beautiful Quechua indigenous language meaning, "living breathing energy... life force, energy that animates the universe: it comes from the collective, from genetics and from spiritual energy... life, everything is energy; of the major organizing principles... energy that permeates all of Creation on various vibrational levels..." 

One potent teaching i received during my years of advanced shamanic training was to practice "pushing the kawsay"... This word reminds me of the Gaelic phrase, "Òran Mór" which means, the 'Great Song' of the Universe... where, everything has a song... it's own frequency and vibration... everything is singing!

Back in high school, an art teacher i had, eventually realized that it was best to remove me completely from the classroom, in order for me to be able to connect with 'my muse' and get some work done... as i tended to be over-disruptive during class... Mrs. Plummer would assign an art project where everyone would begin creating except me... i'd just sit there, staring about, not knowing what to do for the duration of the class, goofing off... It's like, i had to kick the assignment 'out there' to the art-goddess or whatever, and patiently wait for 'it', whatever 'it' was, to return back to me when 'it' was ready... i couldn't force it - believe me, i tried... 

Often, Mrs. Plummer, frustrated with my behaviour, would set me up alone in an empty classroom with art materials and sure enough, i'd eventually create - the 'muse' would finally fall out of me and i create stuff i never even knew i could create = was that me that did that?... I know now that i was perhaps"pushing the kawsay"...  I also visited the Principal's office way too often...

We're presently in the cycle of Lughnasadh  or Lúnasa from the Celtic realm of Scotland + Ireland... also known as Lammas in England... a seasonal one of four fire festivals... marking the time of harvest before the Celtic New Year of Samhain arrives at the end of October... On the wheel of life, we're also in the direction of the West, the time of the 'falling leaves' who teach us how to simply 'let go' with ease and grace... A dear friend recently shared with me that the leaves have "worked for and created much...they give to protect Mother Earth - there is much to learn here..."

Lughnasadh marks the beginning cycle of the noticeable descent of the Sun into the darkness of winter.  From the connection between the Earth (female principle) and the Sun (male principle), the union of the Sky Father (Sun God) with the Earth Mother we celebrated at Bealtaine, emerge the fruits of the first harvest of the year... Lughnasadh is a time of joy and celebration about the first fruits.  It is also a time of tension, because the dark days of winter are coming nearer, and most of the harvest is not brought in and stored away quite yet.

So, during this turning of the wheel is also a place of 'going within'  and introspection as we move more and more into  a cave of darkness, as our dear Mother slowly goes to sleep to deeply rest and regenerate during the cycle of winter... 

Three and a half years ago, before we moved to Gabriola, i had a very strong dream about a huge mother bear that 'sniffed me out'... I wrote about this powerful dream on my blog back in 2016 >>  I know that this dream marked a shift for my partner and i, in finding a new home... where, now we live on beautiful Gabriola Island, a 20-minute ferry ride from Nanaimo,  BC...  We never dreamed of living here before that dream...

​Interesting...

​Living here has been nothing short of magical where, every day we both continue to pinch ourselves... so deeply aware of the amazing blessings we continue to receive... with many new close friends, a nurturing supportive community and holy wow, a stunning beautiful sacred land to live upon the ancient sacred unceded territory of the Snuneymuxw people...

This past week, i was being called (more than once), to go back to a special place, a good walk from our home... to visit a very large stone-being i had unexpectedly met on one of my walks, a couple of years ago.  I seem to connect with big stone beings... they often like to reveal their faces to me... why, i do not know...

I recall being guided  off the main road to a trail i wasn't aware of... There was a sign that read, "public access"... so, i cautiously climbed down the steep, rocky-rooted trail... that led me to a high cliff above the ocean.  What a beautiful place i had stumbled on and i was all by myself and it felt so good to be there!...  I hold a fond memory of sitting in reverent silence for a long time on that sunny-warmed boulder... 

I was moved to explore, hiked around, up and down the dry, wild terrain... the place felt particularly special... inviting... covered in crunchy long grasses, stones, fallen branches, lichen, old gnarly arbutus, garry oak, maples, towering rock walls and honkin' huge boulders... I was drawn to head over to one very grand stone... right at the edge of the cliff... i asked permission to come close and was invited to connect with this big being... 

Again, i sat in still reflection as i gratefully leaned my stiff back into the side of this big loving rock that was probably 30-40 feet long and say,15 or more feet tall at her high point - she was one huge presence!... i made an offering of thanks for the gift of just  'being' in and on this beautiful sacred space, adoring the feeling of being deeply supported... sensed healing vibrations filling my body and weary soul...  I had such a wonder-full time with myself that afternoon filled with much gratitude and appreciation... 

Heading back up the rough trail to go home, i remember being nudged to turn around, being blown away by what my eyes saw, where i had just been, though didn't realize... that i had been communing, connecting with one very large Mother Stone Bear!! 

There she was in all her majesty, revealing herself from her side perspective - she was a megalith and oh, that shining face!  This was one big bear... a Mother Bear.   I stood there forever within utter awe... i couldn't take my eyes off of her... my heart safely opened... I was drawn to take a photograph of her because she was so stunningly beautiful... especially the way the warm sun lit up her sleek kind face... I'm so glad i still have that photo of her...

Interestingly... ... the spirit of the Bear sits in the West on the Great Song-Wheel of Life... representing introspection, reflection, slowing down, rest, respite, death and rebirth... going within during falling leaves time, to enter her embracing dark cave... to hibernate, heal + regenerate... Bear can also represent primal power, sovereignty and right-brain intuition coupled with instinct...  She also connects us to the beauty of art... re-bonding us with the very deepest of our ancestral roots within the belly of the Mother... She helps us to be in touch with the Primal Mother - the Bear Goddess Artio who will defend you fiercely from all uncertainty... 

Ancestral roots?... ... interesting...

The cave of Mother Bear is where She seeks answers while hibernating and dreaming... She then lazily awakens in the Spring, just like all the colours that emerge, awakening the power of the unconscious... Mother Bear asks us to walk the path of inward silence of the West ... to calm our inner chit-chat... the place of rites of passage... a path to the dreamtime... to dream our lives into being... along side with our dear Mother's own dreaming... 

This last week out walking, with full intention of honouring a strong pull to go back ... to visit the Mother Bear Rock once again...  Somehow i knew i needed to go though, wasn't really sure why... Was She calling me?... i don't know...

However, when arriving at the spot i remembered where the trail down to the cliff was, i noticed that there were new "private property" signs up to the right of the "public access" sign entrance... 

I carefully made my way down the rocky dry uneven trail... when i inched sideways further, there was also, a chain-link fence up, blocking the whole way to get down to where i knew Mother Bear was at the cliff's edge. 

I was royally annoyed.  Why was this barrier keeping me from visiting Mother Bear!...  I was sure She was calling me... Maybe not.  What happened to the 'public access' that's no longer public? What?... Whoever had bought the adjacent property next to the 'public access' marker had completely blocked any entry down to cliff's edge anymore... How dare they?

Yearning for another way... i was determined to get to Her and know why i was being so called...  I made my way down along the stupid fence... and, off to the left, discovered a steep climb towards the lower cliff though, noticed there was yet, another 'no trespassing' sign at the bottom...  Stink.  I'm really not going to get there, am i?.... not legally anyways... I began to make my way down though soon was 'told to stop'... I climbed back up, irked.

I kept asking myself, "Why was this being so difficult, being blocked?" ... Had i not been respectful with the Spirits?  Do i need to ask permission? 

I haven't asked permission...

I humbly asked with an old tree that was poking itself out horizontally towards the sun and Salish Sea... i pulled a small stone out of my pocket, mindfully blew some prayer though it, tucking as an offering in the bark of the tree, then sat down in deflated silence... i asked...

Awaiting some kind of reply, i heard a raven vocal-ing above... as shared air swished through her wings as she passed over, landing in a nearby branch... i asked again.

"You can connect with me from here now you know..." I heard in the middle of my head... I smiled, "Of course, i know that..."  The inner voice then whispered... "Go to Drumbeg..."

Go to Drumbeg?... huh?... that didn't make sense... Drumbeg Park is at the other end of the island... I didn't trust the last message... what i thought i had heard... 

​I sat for bit longer with the tree... feeling kind of bothered and disappointed though, enjoyed the birds flying about... As i mentioned, i usually don't "get" messages like other intuitive folk seem so easily - i'm often intrigued and impressed by their adeptness in this world... if i'm lucky, and if i'm listening, a teaching or message often comes much later... usually in an unexpected or round about way... (what else is new?)...

Discouraged, i stood up to leave... i gave up... thinking i should just go home to get some work done... making my way up the same route i had come down... got in the car and drove to Drumbeg instead... Why not?  It's a beautiful sunny day... I can work later... i should treasure these last warm days of summer...

"I didn't hold you when you were born...
cuz I knew you were going to be adopted so soon...
I didn't name you either... couldn't do it... it was just too hard..."
--Marlene, my birth mother...
​

I love the beautiful scenic drive to Drumbeg Park... 15 minutes later, i arrived at the other end of the park...  with wooden flute in hand, made my way down a narrow path navigating over a number of large washed up logs and entered the beach.  I looked around noticing there were some tourists off to my left... so... gazed over to my right and was thrilled to see one amazing rock wall - of which i hadn't noticed at that side before!

I was drawn to head over to the rock wall to check it out.... Getting closer i noticed one very intriguing large boulder rock - that had been eroded from the inside out over time by the sea and frost... We have many large sandstone and rock like this all over the island - many of which you can crawl or sit within... One of our island's most famous is the Malaspina Galleries at the north end of the island off Taylor Bay Road.

I carefully edged my way around this huge rock and noticed from it's back, it held quite an interesting, almost Mayan-like profile of a face... 

I explored rock to rock along the wall face investigating the natural niches along the stone face... then turned around and inched my way back towards the big rock...

I was invited to climb up and get inside this intriguing rock being... i tucked my flute into my pants and scaled my way up and in and sat down on the dusty floor inside... all around me were quite a few eroded holes right though the wall of the rock where i could see through.  I got myself settled in the cocoon space and pulled out my flute... i attempted to blow for a bit enjoying the cool acoustics within... Not long after, i gave up, put my flute down and just sat in silence... perhaps i may receive a message in this old ancient stone?...

I could hear the ocean waves crashing on the beach not far away as well as the rush of the strong rip tide... Looking out was a very tall cedar tree dancing in the light winds... overhead, a stellar's jay flew in and out it's branches chattering noisily... there were wispy angel clouds sailing that beautiful afternoon....

I sat still for about 40 minutes or so enjoying the smells and the sounds - shot some silent video of the view out... blew flute and to no avail - no sense of any message or 'hit'... why was i here???

i savoured 'being' inside this old stone... there was something soothing... embracing though couldn't seem to settle myself... So sensing good ol' time was going by, i eventually climbed back out and down onto the beach, then headed back to the car after scanning the beach for washed up treasures like, interesting small branches of driftwood and drove home...

I still felt somewhat miffed that i didn't get to see and be with the big Mother Bear Rock back off Canso Road earlier... though did enjoy my time at Drumbeg and i wasn't sure why Mother Bear asked me to go there???  Probably because i needed to let the latter piece go... 

The next day, i suddenly realized that i had indeed been with Mother Bear spirit at Drumbeg all along... I had been sharing my lovely afternoon with my partner there when, it hit me like a ton of bricks... that the big ol' rock i had climbed into and sat within in so long... i had been held in the arms of Mother Bear!!!

Mother Bear had held me................. and, i wept...

Then, two old memories surfaced out of nowhere... I remembered two times when i was quite young, incidents where i had been 'held' against my will...

I remember when i was about 3/4... my (adopted) mom attempted to force feed me a boiled egg... i didn't want to eat the damn egg - though she really wanted me to eat that egg, and, wouldn't let me go until i did... I fought and fought her trying to get away from her... though i couldn't cuz she held me so tight against her... i screamed and yelled as she pushed and shoved the egg into my tight-lipped mouth... Crumbled egg was everywhere.........eventually she did let me go...

I still dislike eggs to this day.

The other incident was when i was little older, though still very young about 5...

One afternoon at home my (adopted) dad had his friend + accountant for the Farm business over.  This man i won't name, had come to bring my dad's completed income tax back and they had sat down in the living room for a drink of whiskey.  I don't know where my mother was at the time though i remember hanging around like a kid would. 

At one point, the man grabbed me and put me on his knee... I told him i didn't want to sit on his knee though, he just laughed bouncing me up and down on his knee.  I told him again that i wanted to get down because i had to go to the bathroom... Both my dad and he seemed to find this very funny... with a drink in one hand and with his other arm, held me tight against his chest continually bouncing me up and down... up and down... i started to cry... pleading with him to let me down as i really had to go... he wasn't listening and....

i peed all over his lap................................

Laughing, he released me to the floor and i ran away feeling so shamed and embarrassed... I don't even remember what happened after that - though i wondered where my mother was during the whole ordeal?  And, to this day i wonder why my dad allowed his friend to go on as long as he did... Why didn't he look out for me?.... and ask his friend to let me go?  I'll guess i'll never know why?

Being held against my will... not feeling safe while being 'held'... 
I was never held by my birth Mother.........................

Interesting...............

Though, Mother Bear Rock... an old cold, stone, rock 'held me' within Her warm safe embrace... and, thinking back to my beautiful guided afternoon.... i did feel very safe... safe with the Mother... my blessed earth Mother...

Thank you Mother Bear... thank you...  i know you continue to hold me...

and, I am glad i can go back to visit Her anytime from anywhere... and will...
and, perhaps she'll have a message for me... later........................ x (((o)))

by carol weaver, copyright by weaver © 2019

Mother Bear stone rock photos by weaver © copyright 2017/2019...

Added March 22, 2020... 
​It was She who called me to come back today...... x (((⭕️))) come be held... ❣️

Out walking in the forest, i often get the sense i'm not alone... and often, i catch snippets of connection from the spirits who reside there... and sometimes they have a message for me... if i'm open to listening + hearing...  i know they have much to share with us... the shy ones they are.... x
​
"sometimes “they” have a cautious peek at us.........
from a safe distance cuz “they” lost our trust long ago.......
i’m sure they wonder if we’re ever going to wake up + get it...
or re-member who we were once were...
as folk who lived in balance with all...
who walked together on our dear mother’s back.......
in respect + honour of all living things...
​seen + unseen......"
​
-- The Sidhe, weaver x (((💚))) 
​© July 19, 2019...🧚🏼‍♀️❣️

i was moved to pull a moon oracle card this morning...

here's the reading that i got...  a good message... especially for the waning of this Imbolc time moving into the next circle of Bealtaine... 

what do i cling to in time of need?...
what holds me faithfully in my life?...
the power resides in everything we touch, see, smell + hear...
i am surrounded by light + life...
mama moon sends her strength to me + draws signs above my head to show i am a part of the circle of all things...
from the heart of the swirling energy of all the world...
​lines of strength stretch out to hold me...
i know in my bones i am held...
the brightness is everywhere!

with much love + hoards of light....
blessed be, weaver x (((o)))

I love that the above quote by Alice Walker showed up when it did the other day = there are never any accidents eh?

This last week i was blessed to hang with a dear friend...  We had some good time to connect and catch up with one another's work, our art and spirit path...

It's always good to be with an ally... a sister who shares their authenticity... to truly understand some of the 'same stuff' we deal with as beauty-makers on a daily basis... it helps to know that we're not alone keeping on... keeping on the path as we are continually called...

We talked about 'wounds' and particularly... how our core wounds, can continue to inform our lives... and, how they can run silently in the background like some insidious screwed up program... broken and sickly... barely going though still operating...  I sometimes call it the 'default' that kicks in or triggers you when you least expect it... playing with + hampering our self-worth...

And....... it's interesting how stuff can align too... It's like when we bring awareness to something, deeper awareness and healing comes right in the moment... After our lovely time together that afternoon with new awareness shared between friends... back home,  while i was mindlessly scrolling through my photos, i stumbled on an old portrait of me someone had sketched in pencil.... and, there it was... that old sketch - not very big... very simple, looking back at my soul...

I was drawn to journey within this drawing which took me back to the time in my life when it was drawn - in my early 20s...  A time when i was searching for meaning in my own life... of autonomy and independence... finally getting out on my own to find my own way.  Though at the same time, i was a walking zombie of confuzzed wounded-ness - not knowing who the heck i was...

I journeyed back even further to re-visit some of those places ... woundings in this life-time and even further back to a past-life awareness that had come up for big healing along my path years previous... I know now that those 'agreements' that i made as a child are not even my own agreements...they're someone else's - who didn't know themselves either... who had been wounded too... who were just living their life the best they knew how... i had forgiven that remnant long ago... 

It made me realize just how much 'all of that' narrative that was mindlessly served up to me within daily, traumas big + small - i sucked up like a sponge, like all children do... and those old stories stayed 'there' deep within my sensitive being... as set-programs continuing to run on default from that moment forward... 

Revisiting this place brought deeper awareness as, i also stumbled on the above quote by the wonderful + wise Alice Walker... where profound healing or how i like to call it... 'another layer of the onion has been peeled away' yet again... i have let a lot of crap go... and the 'story' that goes along with it... that is no longer serving me... it's all gone back to the Mother that she lovingly composting + transforming back into 'sami' light... 

"Healing begins where the wound was made."
--Alice Walker

I give thanks and gratitude to my sister-friend for her wisdom + caring ear the other day and my friend who sketched that lovely portrait of me... and i know why i kept it... and, i so wish i could remember her name - which has left me... (when it comes, i'll certainly give her the credit she is due here)... i love this sketch and how it was rendered = ie., no chair!...

I still remember clearly the afternoon she drew it... and gifted it to me later that day 40 years ago - somehow she was guided... she knew she had captured something healing for me... (her original is to the left) and...

The other 'version' i posted at the top of this page, i had some fun artistically 'reclaiming + retrieving' back yet again another beautiful piece of my soul that has been held within the love + the safety of our Mother's arms all this time.... perhaps a 'new self-portrait of the being of light i truly am.... 

Thank you my dear friends... i love you...
brightest, weaver x (((o)))

​"This stone i place here to mark this Singing Moon-Time of Abundance + Passing Within with the Wisdom of Grandmother Wolf... 

May her sacred teachings help me to become more deeply human..."

It's been an interesting time here on Gabriola these last few days as the month of September rolled in...

The crisp scents of Fall are definitely in the air as we move into this next cycle around the wheel... reminding us to think about getting prepared for the coming winter... The Farmer's Almanac is predicting a cold one this year...  One task we managed so far is, to get a couple of cords of wood delivered, stacked and ready  - quite the job to say the least... an opportunity to use those muscles i haven't used in quite some time = holy whoa!

I give many thanks to those Standing Ones, those trees who gave their lives so our home can be warm this coming winter...

This last week showed me some teaching about letting go - when you least expect it... especially with what i had planned for this recent past New Moon... i had journeying circles planned both for September 1st here on Gabriola and another for Vancouver this week - when i travel over for the Luminous Path which is beginning a new round...

And so what came into being was, both circles were not meant to happen... i won't go into the reasons why, other than to say, that each one had it's own releasings for not happening...  

I have to admit i was surprised that both ended up being cancelled... even after some of my own questionings, resistence and attempts to TRY and make them happen, i came to the realization that it was indeed all okay to let both circles go this time... perhaps good ol' Mercury Retrograde had a hand - who knows?

I also had to get over worrying about disappointing those who had planned to come... 

​When i was preparing for these next circles - Grandmother Wolf offered her guidance....She who teaches us about moving from the West to the North... the Teacher with sharp instinct and intelligence... sacred wisdom, the Sage and Elder... reminding us of our dear Ancestors who paved the way for us... gifting us with stamina... resilience... always reminding us of our own knowingness... 

It was the Cedar trees who spoke to me, asking if we could connect together - especially those here on Gabriola, who have been dying since our summer's long dry drought...  

Some folk we have met, who have lived on Gabriola a long time, mentioned that, over the years, the water table on the island has been shifting in response to climate change... confirming the beautiful cedars are feeling it the most...   in the last number of weeks, we have been saddened to witness that a lot of the cedar trees are dying rapidly all over the island...  The fire department was also announcing that they're concerned they are now becoming a fire hazard.

We give thanks for the recent rains that have come... helping to nourish our dry island home, the blessed trees and all her kin...

The English word, 'Cedar' comes from the Hebrew 'Qatar', meaning to smudge... indicating cedar wood was used in purification rituals and cleansing... The smoke of the cedar leaves are very cleansing and clearing of the energy/luminous body and spaces... First Nation peoples have and continue to use the sacred cedar to purify and cleanse in all aspects of life using all parts of the tree for housing, art, clothing, cleansing and ceremony ... The sacred Cedar was also known in many world cultures as the Tree of Life... the 'God/ess' tree... With blessed cedar, draw Earth energy and ground yourself, place the palms of your hands against the ends of the leaves...

So, if our New Moon journeying circle did happen, i was going to invite us to journey with Grandmother Wolf to the sacred Cedars, to simply connect with them and check-in... and so, because we're not meeting physically.... 

Suggested Journey...
​or, create your own...

This is the time of Passing Within... the cycle of Lammas and the element of water... This is the path of the mature adult who seeks to live responsibly and to bring healing... to find enlightenment to become more deeply human...

I invite you to explore this pathway when you wish to understand how best to act when the 'stuff' of life becomes overwhelming... when you seek peace in all ways......

I invite you to face the sacred directon of the West and... with all your senses embrace the colours, the sounds, smells and taste of Fall... connect with the Sacred Waters of Mother Ocean... her life-blood streams... her rivers and lakes... re-membering that 'water-knows-all-water indeed informs all water...

Find a beautiful place in nature you love or imagine where the grand Cedars reside near where you live... with Grandmother Wolf as your guide... She invites you to listen to the birds singing high in the Cedars... 

With Grandmother beside you, ask her to take you on a journey to the place of the singing Cedars... say hello when you greet them... create a sacred space in a circle including the Standing Ones and yourself...

Offer the Tall Ones an offering of gratitude for who they are and the gifts they freely give us.... for we wouldn't be here without the trees... as we breathe them and they breathe us... thank them for sheltering us... for warming us... for cleansing us... and feeding us in many ways......

Sit down with your back to one Old Tall One and connect deeper... again, use all your senses when you merge with her or him... feel the rough bark on your skin.. smell the musty damp moss in your nose... look up and embrace how s/he embraces you.... and listen deeply for a message s/he may share with you....................... take some time with this............................

 When you feel you have received your message or sense of one... hold the essence of that message-gift sweetly cupped in both hands in front of your heart center... gently blow with the spirit of your breath into your hands three times.... feel it... know it... receive it.... and then mindfully place that essence into your heart... giving thanks....

Now, offer your gratitude and healing for those Cedars who are passing within.... You're invited to hold a vision of their healed state as if it has already happened within this present moment... while holding this vision-dreaming, use all your senses of what that would feel and look like - drive it with your strong emotion resonance and vibration... know this is happening right now... dream it into being....... hold it strong for as long as you are guided....

When your journey feels complete... return back to where you began.... again, give gratitude for this blessed opportunity... close your sacred space and come back into the room or where you are...  close your own physical sacred circle-space and make note of any teachings or guidance you received during your journey...  also know that deeper awareness may still come later...

If you feel called, offer ceremony with a gift or despacho to the Sacred Cedars near you and/or hold them within your own mesa or bundle...

I welcome you to share any insights you may have received in the comment below... so we can share with each other as we do when we gather to journey... to share our wisdom and the knowings from Grandmother Wolf and the Sacred Cedars...
I thank you for connecting in and caring ... for they thank you too...

Wishing you many bright blessings...
with much love + light.. weaver x (((o)))

below... the blessed sacred Cedars of Gabriola....... 
photos by weaver x 

Above post, shamanic journey meditation + photos by weaver © 2016 - all rights reserved...
- the 20-minute journey drumming track, 'riding the wave' with rattle can be purchased + downloaded at cdbaby.com - from the album, 'journey with laughing wolf'
​- thank you for supporting my work... with appreciation, weaver x (((o)))

Recently, i received an unexpected teaching from the bees...

​Since moving to Gabriola in April, we have never felt more welcome - what a community of beautiful people who care about people!  We feel so blessed knowing our move was a good one...

We've also been blown away with how much art, music and theatre there is here on the island - it's been absolutely wonderful.  I am being more and more inspired to get back to my own art and music and can't wait!

We've been attending events by the Gabriola Arts Council (we're now proud members) and other community events.  We now frequent the Hive Emporium at the Village Market on Saturday mornings for coffee to meet and hang with friends.  In addition to great coffee, the Hive is a community hub with a retail store show-casing local art and a multi-purpose performance space and art gallery upstairs.

In mid May, i saw that the Hive sent out a "call to artists" to celebrate their first anniversary with an upcoming show to run June 16 to July 3, 2016, named 'For the Bees'... it read...

"The plight of bees is deservedly making the press, and hopefully not too late!  Gabriolans need no coaching on their importance, but a reminder to all to meditate on these venerable sentient "beeings" - and this call to all artists to explore in any medium!"

​I was intrigued... and wanted to be a part... so, i got to work.

What i was immediately fascinated by, was the shape of the hexagon - which holds a lot of meaning in it's six sides including the number 6.   I connect to the number six as it's a part of my life-path being a 33-6 numerologically... ​

​I spent about a week playing with this shape in many ways... i first built a hexagon out of wood.  

Right away, i really liked the simplicity of the shape - i liked holding it up to the light and looking through.  My first thoughts were, 'hey, i could submit this as it is!" ... though, it all seemed too simple - i really should do something more...?

After many failed attempts of 'trying' to add to my initial wood design... i thought i'd let the whole thing go and forget about it...

Though, i found that i kept coming back to the wooden hexagon shape - there was something about it's simplicity.   I was continually drawn to carrying it around and looking through the open hex shape like a window...  

And, then it hit me... what i was doing was perhaps... 'seeing' from the 'bee's perspective'... and that was it.  

Excitedly, i took the wooden hexagon outside to my backyard, hung it off a couple of trees and took a few photos - and my submission came into 'bee-ing'...  

​After the 'full circle' journey of my creative process, i now know the bees were guiding and nudging me on some level... that they wanted their 'voice' heard in some way - asking 'us' to have a look and see from their perspective, for a change...

So, in the end, i did decide to go with my 'first hit' and submit the simple wood hexagon along with two photos - i was thrilled and honoured to be accepted into and 'bee' a part of the Hive's show!  I give thanks to the sacred bees for helping and guiding me... and, thank you to the Hive for creating this beautiful show - Happy Anniversary to you all!

Along with the two framed photos and the hanging wood hexagram, i added this statement and a couple questions...

Have we considered the bee’s perspective?

Perhaps the bees are feeling that we humans are mining
them for our own advantage – NOT for the bee’s advantage...

“The human species have weakened
our species in our compliance to what THEY want...”

Perhaps, our perspective of a “Colony Collapse Disorder” of
the bees is simply a projection (perspective) of our own human
Colony Collapse Disorder...

What is your bee perspective?