We had a lovely gathering together on Wednesday evening, August 24, 2022 to celebrate the upcoming New Moon and sing together… It was wonderful for Allannah + i to have dear hearts ‘in the room’ for the first time in 2.5 years since the pandemic arrived…  it was sooo good to sing together once again!

We also dedicated this show to all those dear to us—that we lost, since the pandemic—who is remembered, lives!

So, thank you to all for coming to join us—we look forward to more in the future.

However, we were saddened that we experienced a technical issue regarding our face-time live that we usually offer.   I was only glad that i managed to video-record the show so we can share with our online audience… please scroll down page below to view…

If you would like to offer a donation towards our work, know it’s always appreciated… for it is our work, thank you!
• for paypal please use this link >>
• if you prefer interac e-transfer, pls email weaver for email address >>

Thank you for supporting live music xoxo (((💜)))

Click the video, photo links to view… show runs about 1 hour, 7-mins total… ​https://youtu.be/bPsXt-FHBtc

The other day i attended a poetry workshop during our annual ‘isle of the arts festival’…  i was glad i went as i learned some new ways with writing poetry… and i really enjoyed the day…

At one point the instructor asked us to  write a poem about an object… So,  i chose to write about my glasses.  

And, as i was writing, the process seemed to take me into a deep journey—suddenly remembering John Denver—who had been a big influence in my life growing up and continues to be…

He was a huge mentor for me in many ways… as i really connected to his sensitivity—his love of life and that really moved me… what he wrote about + shared with the world… those ‘things’ that mattered most in life, family, friendship + all things sacred including our environment—our mother earth… in another way, he taught me to sing—helping me find my true ‘voice’… I did get to see him perform live a couple of times and i always wanted to meet him—to have the chance to just thank him… I know we were all shocked the day he died… i guess i made the assumption that he’d live to be an old man…

He was only 53 when he perished—one very sad day for many of us…

As i continued to write, i also remembered a video i once saw… it was a tribute to him after his death… (i’m still attempting to find this video to post here)… It was a very poignant sharing of a few select ‘known’ musicians opening the case to Denver’s vintage round granny glasses, that he was so known for… While viewing this video i remembered being very moved and so touched—as i was being witness to a very sacred moment… wow, i wondered what it would be like to do just that—open that case + hold his glasses…

While writing my poem about my own glasses i was quite surprised…as to how this simple exercise moved me so quickly to another place… a place of honouring an amazing man who held such a huge impact in my own life… so, here’s my poem—as it is, at the moment, in its draft form…

nosedive

my glasses
round and purple
considerable
uncomfortable
not scratched quite yet
teeth marks cut
into one right temple arm
helps keep my hands free…

in abruptness of a recent power outage
they slipped off the top of my head
when we fumbled in the dark
making tea
on a propane burner
cracked when they hit 
the frigid concrete floor
i guess they’re
not new anymore…
​
recalling that day
shocked
when i learned you died
tragically
over Monterery Bay
you were off to visit your daughter
when you fell right
out of the sky
decapitated

mother ocean swallowed you

they only knew it was you
when Annie identified your two missing toes
from your right found leg
​
far out.
​

…
© 2022 all rights reserved… carol weaver x (((💜)))
—rest in peace dear sir, born December 31, 1943—died October 12, 1997…
​—thank you dear John, for everything! (33/6)… 
—and, when or if i find that beautiful video, i’ll post here…  in the meantime, here’s another, below… xxx

​every morning i bow down
first thing
to prepare the day’s fire
knees tough 
square on the floor

i lean back
stretching out

bending
my eyes close
calling
gently
dear shining one
daughter of dagda
come nearer

our hearth’s
heart.

bright goddess 
of wisdom
poetry
music
healing
protection
blacksmithing
your love of gentle beasts

keeper of 
unending flame

shelter us
within your
clear green
cloak of care

together, 
let us kindle our
heart’s flame
of infinite 
spark

may i
breathe your
sacred song

upon the wind.
​

—poem/photo © 2021 by weaver…
brightest blessings x (((💜))) 🔥🙏🏼🔥

Good, good news everyone!

Before covid hit last year, i was embarking on finally getting to creating + recording my first (formal) CD… We just got started and then were forced to stop cuz of Covid-19…  stink!

However, as of a couple of weeks ago, we were able to get back into the studio and complete this track we were working on… a cover song by the wonderful Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)… one of my favourite songs i love to play of his, “Don’t Be Shy”… and, i feel it’s message is still very much relevant today…

​What Cat says about his song... 

“One thing about the journey of life is... when you look back and see the pages of the past in a new light... and, i think this song says to me... that, unless good people stand up to be heard... then fear and cruelty will always dominate the world.. so, it’s time for those people to stand up and lift their heads... this is a song that i think talks about that...” 
—Yusuf Islam / Cat Stevens

So, i hope you enjoy… click here to have a listen on my bandcamp page and/or download if you wish… we had a blast recording it… 
with brightest blessings + much love,
weaver x (((?)))

ps… note that the recording credits are on my bandcamp page, by scrolling down the page… 

​poem…

​still now
though so so much
soothing… moving from

in to out
out + back in
above
be
​     low

a quiet… secret dance
of sorts?…

​x (((💜))) weaver © 2021

​a poem........

yesterday...
i was nudged to journey...
while drawing + painting...
​
something ‘drew’ me in...

go deeper... 
to a rooted place...
buried... threads fragiled...
thin multi-coloured mark-making...
revealing... what?

i tracked...
ever so lightly... tenderly...
my slanted hand steered...
“just go”..........

i offered a wee hello while...
i migrated... wandered... hunted... chased...
that perhaps...

i was on to something......

travelling alongside washed...
black-ink-penned...
shaky-handed....
painted threads of...

my own weave...

she is...

very fine, dazzling tapestry path of filament light...
capturing a glimpse......
my tender glittered strength...
​torn-worn tangles... grief... joy... pain... celebrations...
ancient... new........
​
now...

grief drops...
splashing upon my soaked page...
blending abstract... accident... of be-ing...
inside...
​my owned inked hues...
becoming......

perhaps...
​... a re-weaving?

i will definitely call again soon..... x (((💜)))

Back in 2006, during a sacred fire ceremony, i caught a moment’s glimpse of our circle ‘stepping into our becoming’ of who ‘we’ truly are... 

crystals carried...
mindfully left behind with
light-lined mountain spirit...

rumble sounds from deep within our Mother...

lying on my back letting go... letting go...
it’s okay... just letting go...

spirials of feather wands and stones...
drumming my core out and in again...

’round and ‘round we go...
again and again...
purple flamed fires
there... reflect...

our beautiful circle...

standing up... standing ready...
within all our glory...
​power-full!

eyes shining bright... faces so star-aware...
reclaiming who we truly are...

our blessed earth Mother...
Her children... re-membering...
we love... 

with brightest blessings... x (((o)))
​by weaver © 14/08/2006

(((o)))
“All the eggs a woman will ever carry form in her ovaries while she is a four-month-old fetus in the womb of her mother.  This means our cellular life as an egg begins in the womb of our grandmother.  Each of us spent five months in our grandmother's womb, and she in turn formed within the womb of her grandmother.  We vibrate to the rhythms of our mother's blood before she herself is born, and this pulse is the thread of blood that runs all the way back through the grandmothers to the first Mother.”
—Layne Redmond​

"Are you ready Carol?..."  Debbie asked excitedly...

My half-sister and i were on an arranged phone call together... Debbie was the oldest of four half-sisters i had just met weeks earlier - on the phone... 

Months earlier, the BC Adoption Reunion Registry (ARR) had finally changed from being a passive registry to an active registry in 1991.  When that status changed, all BC adoption records with the passive registry had been transferred to Family Services of BC - where they contacted those of us who were registered with the ARR, announcing we could now request an 'active search' for birth parents/relatives.  Before the change, both parties would have had to have been registered in the passive registry to create a match/reunion.

I had registered with the passive registry many years earlier... and, on my birthday every year, ran a classified ad in the Vancouver Sun "People Finders" section - hoping my birth mother may see the ad... Though, nothing ever came of that annual ad...

I applied immediately for an active search... and a Family Services Researcher was assigned to my case to conduct a search for my birth mother...  I was quite excited at the thought of perhaps, one day, they may find her...

As soon as i had been told i was adopted, i had often wondered who she was, what had happened...why i had been adopted...so many questions...would i look like her?  I had grown up in my adoptive family - tho never felt like i truly belonged in some weird way... i called myself the "pink sheep"... I felt like a stranger in a strange land... i knew nothing about my birth ancestry, my family name or where i came from?...  Who the heck was i?...

My older brother was six years older, the only biological child... I often called him, "the real one" in the family and still do... and my younger sister, adopted as i was - though, from a different family/area of BC... i didn't look like anyone in my adoptive family - neither did my sister...  I recall a moment at elementary school on the playground swings, when a friend blatantly announced that i looked so much like my mother... I couldn't believe my ears and told her that i was adopted and how was that even possible?... She just shrugged her shoulders.  I knew i didn't look like my adoptive mother...father or anyone!

I waited many months before i heard anything from Family Services... until one day...

I was attending a women's business conference and towards the end of the long day, my partner said she wanted to see one more booth... I was tired, not interested in seeing any more displays and said I'd wait for her before we left...  I was standing next to a booth in the middle of the bustling hall, when i felt an abrupt dizziness, catching myself from falling over.  It was a strange, swirling feeling like i was going off somewhere... then it stopped - i came back... i didn't think much of it other than perhaps i was just tired...

Later, i went back to the studio to finish up some work before dinner when the phone rang...

It was a call from Anne, who was my researcher from Family Services...  She was happy to announce that she had found my birth mother earlier that afternoon... hmmnnnn...i wondered to myself later... when Anne received the call back from my birth mother earlier that day... could it have been around the same time i felt so dizzy earlier that afternoon?  I wonder... 

Anne mentioned it had taken a long time to find my mother because she had married (a year after she gave birth to me) and had changed her name... Anne then asked me if i was sitting down....

I said, "yes"... when she  went on to announce that i also had four half-sisters! 

I was shocked... It's funny... all the years i had been searching for my birth mother thinking, that maybe, one day i might find her... never ever did i think or realize that she might have had a whole family of her own - a life...  Really?... Wow!  After further chat with Anne, she added, that one of my half-sisters had attempted to find me for a number of years and would i like to exchange phone numbers to connect...would that be okay... I said, "Sure"... 

Not long after getting off the phone with Anne, i received a call from Debbie, my half sister, who was the oldest... One of the first things she told me was how relieved she was to know that she wasn't the oldest anymore - i was!

I wasn't sure what to make of that...?

That evening i talked with all my half-sisters... I remember it being such a fun time "catching up" and sharing stories... especially with Debbie - who was 'over the moon' that we had finally connected... She could hardly contain herself!   She told me that her mom had once told her... it slipped out after a party, that she had an older sister... and that her mother had forced her to give me up because she was unwed.  My birth mother swore from that day forward she would never give another child up... and she never did.  A year later after i was adopted, she met a fellow, got married and raised a family with four daughters...

After the calls that evening, Debbie suggested that a first, slow step to a possible reunion would be to exchange letters and photos with each other and our shared mother... of which we all did... 

The next step we decided, was to arrange "to meet" on a phone call with Marlene... and so, a date and time was set a couple of weeks later... 

The day came to meet on the call... i was so nervous... What am i doing?... What should, will i say?... What will we talk about? What is there to talk about?  i wanted to forget the whole thing...yikes.......

At the arranged time, the phone rang on the minute... I let the phone ring a couple of times, sucked in a deep breath and hesitantly picked up the phone...

I was relieved it was Debbie on the other end... She told me she was at her mom's place, with her mom beside her and mentioned she was just as nervous as i was... With excitement in her voice Debbie then asked, "Are you ready Carol?".... I said, hesitantly, "oh...kay..."

I could hear Debbie talking in the background asking her mom if she was ready..............

I could hear my mother laughing in the background as Debbie was handing her the receiver...

As  "mom" fumbled with the phone, she was still laughing, right from her belly... the first thing she said before she even said hello was, to laugh........

In that moment, i pulled the phone an arm's length from my ear............. it's hard to describe because i felt something i had not ever felt before or knew?... 

I was remembering my own mother's laugh...............whoa...

I knew right then and there, in and throughout my whole beingness.... that i had heard my mother's laugh before...i KNEW that laugh... i'll never forget that powerful visceral vibrational feeling = a total body re-membrance!  In that moment, i knew i was talking to my birth mother and, i also knew during that "conference dizziness" i had felt her on such a deep vibrational level...

And, i can't even remember what we talked about during that call... 

It's interesting... all the years i have taught drumming and drum birthing, i have had many folk share with me that they don't know how to drum...or even think they can ever learn how to drum... I smile reply back... 

"What do you think is the first sound or vibration you have ever heard or felt?"... "It is the sound vibration, the pulse of your Mother's blood... the sound of her heartbeat when you were in her womb for nine months - that is a sound vibration you know so deeply, felt and heard first...  of course you know how to drum... her heartbeat pulse is vibrating in your bones!"

I now know my Mother.. her vibration and resonance is in my bones!

sooo, do stay tuned if you wish... more to come...
with brightest blessings, 
weaver x (((o)))

where...?

takes me back to my journey with
my teacher margaret-mary...
almost 30 years ago..... 
during lammas ... walking on bodmin moor..
each foot sinking into the wet boggy ground as i walk...
my face being bit sharp... cold rainy windy shards.... 
i greet the hurlers + pipers of stone....
an awakening informs as i offer my hello + my breathing...
i have walked here before...
and my bones sing right out loud, remembering..............

​to be continued.......

weaver x (((o)))
​may 26/2019
​