​Sometimes i forget to use the tools i’ve been given. And, it’s good to remember that i have access to them anytime.  Remembering can be a challenge!

​It’s been interesting of late… having both of my parents pass within 3 months of each other, (even though they lived 42 years apart), i didn’t realize the amount of grief i’ve been feeling + carrying for some time now—even before they passed over, that threshold to the light of who they truly are.

It hit me the other day, out-of-the-blue, i remembered this blessed gift of ceremony and contemplation that i’ve been given and it has truly helped, once more.  I feel much lighter, perhaps brighter…. I do know that grief never really goes away, and i find it’s another dear process of life that i’m learning to live with.

And, so i’m sharing this powerful process, a blessed opportunity to offer presence… stillness… inquiry… an easeful letting go… inviting the elements of cleansing salt + fire to offer support, deep relationship…

I share again with hopes that it can also help others.  I have held a grief bundle for a while now and work with it when i feel i need to.  (or remember to)…

This is a simple process... an old practice that can help honour our grief/sadness + release it through co-creation with the earth’s gifts of cleansing fire + salt through a easeful ceremony.

What you will need to gather...

• a cloth - doesn’t matter what colour, though often black is often used
• a white candle or two (matches to light)
• a small bowl of water
• some salt - about 1/4 cup (a natural salt like pink Himalayan is good)
• some small stones or one stone (from the earth that can represent your grief/sadness/fears)
• anything else that you wish to include that represents your grief/sadness, etc.

Assemble all your items + to prepare/create ceremony…
(can be offered inside or out)

• be in a quiet space and mindfully open + create a container of sacred space around you... whichever way works for you, as it’s important to ‘be’ in a safe space (ie., turn off phones, distractions, etc)
• light the candle(s), which opens the ceremony
• place the salt in the bowl of water + mix
• spend some time with each item you have chosen to represent your grief/sadness/fears and when you feel ready, using your breath with intention, blow your feeling-essence into the stone... letting them go to our Mother earth - who will hold those feelings safe within Her belly—through the stone
• sit within the peace of quiet for as long as you need... knowing that the salt water + flame will gently draw the grief/sadness/fear out of your temple
• when you feel complete, blow the candle(s) out - which completes the ceremony... and close your sacred space around you
• your can either wrap your bundle or place as an altar in a special sacred place in your home

You can choose to offer this grief ceremony as many times as you feel you need to.  And, when you feel ready, you can disperse the stones back to the earth by burying them, or by placing them in the ocean—which will also continue to clear that heaviness or darkness that no longer serves.

It’s an honour to share this simple, yet powerful process with you.  It is my hope it can help during this time or anytime you are in need… and, do feel free to share, if you wish.

with much love + light, 
weaver x (((💜)))

*some notes:  ‘dark and heavy energy’ (like grief/sadness, etc) is not negative, positive or bad energy.  It’s just simply ‘heavy and dark‘, and it can weigh us down.  This type of energy doesn’t serve and often, it’s not even ours to hold.  

See energy as either light or dark, and know the ‘dark’ can be released easily.  We don’t have to feel we have to hold onto it.  One of the many gifts our blessed earth Mother offers is, She can release that ‘dark’ energy on behalf, for us.  She transforms it, like compost, back into Light—which is who we truly are! 

*another note:  re washing or what to do with the stone/stones after…
It’s up to you what you choose to do with your stone(s).  Check in with them + simply ask.  Sometimes stones have done their work and may tell you they need dispersing or not.  They are the old, wise ones and the story-tellers of our blessed Mother, the land.  And, they have much to share with you—if you only ask.  Connect with all your senses somatically to hook in, ask and listen deeply.  Remember, we all connect in different ways… some see, some feel + sense, some hear, taste, smell, etc.. etc...
Hope that helps.
​
I welcome your thoughts and feedback…
​Did this process work for you?  Anything else?
with brightest blessings of much love,
wx (((💜)))

I stumbled on this memory from 10 years ago—a posting i had posted, when we had lived in Burnaby…  something that taught me about impermanence… 

“I’m kind of sad to see our grand hosta heading off to sleep for the long winter... We have sooo enjoyed their strong presence in our humble garden.... Good night dear hosta—see you again in the spring... have fun hanging with our dear mother, during this dark half…” 

When we lived in Burnaby over 10 years ago, we had a shade garden where, we had many hosta plants that flourished—the photo above shows just one of them.

When we first rented this home, it came with a garden that had many plants that weren’t doing well because the canopy of the tall cedar trees had grown so high that they now shaded the garden.  So, over the eight years we lived there, we slowly transitioned the garden over to more shade and native plants that would grow and thrive in lower light.  Hostas are one great plant that do well in shade gardens!

When we moved off the lower mainland to a small gulf island, we moved our many hostas with us… it was quite a job—as many of them were in large ceramic pots and they were heavy to move.  However, they did survive the move—where they lived and thrived on our ‘shade deck’ in the forest, for six years.

Last January, we had to move once again—this time to a much smaller home… where we had to downsize considerably thus, giving away most of our beloved hosta plants to a dear friend.  They now live and thrive in her beloved garden.  

We truly miss them in many ways… We did keep a couple of hosta plants that live in pots outside our door—however, the local deer tend to nibble away at them and they (the hostas) never did get a chance to fully leaf out this year.  I think we’ll attempt to cage them in somehow, in the spring, so the deer can’t get at them—as they, the deer,  seem to think that our hostas are sweet candy!

Nothing ever stays the same… x (((💚)))

below, a fun video by John Denver on the Muppet Show, ‘The Garden Song’…

We had a lovely gathering together on Wednesday evening, August 24, 2022 to celebrate the upcoming New Moon and sing together… It was wonderful for Allannah + i to have dear hearts ‘in the room’ for the first time in 2.5 years since the pandemic arrived…  it was sooo good to sing together once again!

We also dedicated this show to all those dear to us—that we lost, since the pandemic—who is remembered, lives!

So, thank you to all for coming to join us—we look forward to more in the future.

However, we were saddened that we experienced a technical issue regarding our face-time live that we usually offer.   I was only glad that i managed to video-record the show so we can share with our online audience… please scroll down page below to view…

If you would like to offer a donation towards our work, know it’s always appreciated… for it is our work, thank you!
• for paypal please use this link >>
• if you prefer interac e-transfer, pls email weaver for email address >>

Thank you for supporting live music xoxo (((💜)))

Click the video, photo links to view… show runs about 1 hour, 7-mins total… ​https://youtu.be/bPsXt-FHBtc

​a poem........

yesterday...
i was nudged to journey...
while drawing + painting...
​
something ‘drew’ me in...

go deeper... 
to a rooted place...
buried... threads fragiled...
thin multi-coloured mark-making...
revealing... what?

i tracked...
ever so lightly... tenderly...
my slanted hand steered...
“just go”..........

i offered a wee hello while...
i migrated... wandered... hunted... chased...
that perhaps...

i was on to something......

travelling alongside washed...
black-ink-penned...
shaky-handed....
painted threads of...

my own weave...

she is...

very fine, dazzling tapestry path of filament light...
capturing a glimpse......
my tender glittered strength...
​torn-worn tangles... grief... joy... pain... celebrations...
ancient... new........
​
now...

grief drops...
splashing upon my soaked page...
blending abstract... accident... of be-ing...
inside...
​my owned inked hues...
becoming......

perhaps...
​... a re-weaving?

i will definitely call again soon..... x (((💜)))

​Wow... here's a blast from the past for throwback thursday today = holy whoa, look at that hair!!!...

Yes, this photo is of me in my early 20's... i believe this shot was probably taken when i either worked at Carnegie Centre in the downtown Eastside of Vancouver back in the early 80's (i also ran their coffeehouse)... or just out of high school in the late 70's when i played in a jazz trio in Naramata, BC...

Who knows... it was sooo long ago?

What's so cool in this photo, is that this is the first drum-kit i have owned... This is the set that my dear mum gave me for my 10th birthday!... and, i had that kit forever... I have to say that my 10th birthday was the best ever...  I recall my mum telling me on the morning of my birthday, "Make sure you get home from school as soon as you can today for a big surprise!"... and later, when i did get home, there, strewn in the front hallway were a whole set of drums - for me!!!  

WOW!  I couldn't believe my eyes.... i wuz over the moon!!! ... It was the coolest thing my mum ever did... the bestest present ever... 

She had bought them used, though a local newspaper ad... They were certainly the ugliest, beat-up drums ever... as a previous owner had re-covered them with a gawd-awful  green paisley wallpaper... plus, painted boldly on the front of the bass drum head, in VERY thick dark green oil paint, were the words, 'The Heard' ... and, stuffed inside that kick/bass drum was old crumpled up newspaper sheets (to dampen the sound i suspect) which dated back to the early 60's...

Though, i didn't care... i loved my drums cuz they were MY drums... Eventually, i fixed them up and re-covered them... and they went everywhere with me ... even to Alert Bay when i worked for a short time and to the interior in Naramata + many other places.......... I didn't realize until years later, when i gifted the set to the Carnegie coffeehouse that some of the parts were indeed vintage + probably worth some good money... like the Ludwig snare drum (an LM 400!) though, i never told my mum!  Apparently it's vintage and was one of the most recorded snare drums in music history... cool eh?... and, i had owned one.

My drums rocked!  I have to say that i'm thrilled to have this, a photo of them... such a wonder-full memory...

Mum, you're simply the best! ...
love you sooo much!... xoxo

I explain why the 'big hair' in this post >>
tee tee!! x (((o)))

PS... it has been confirmed that the above photo was taken in the basement of McLaren Hall at Naramata Centre in about 1978 or 1979...

Good News!  I've been celebrating - a lot of late!... because dear laughing wolf has found her new voice!

As some of you may know, it was about three years ago or so that this amazing sweet drum accidently fell and her beautiful voice/hide was torn and cracked wide open... i wrote about it in a blog post and again when deeper teaching came for me later on another post...

Part of why it took so long for her to sing again was, it was a bit of a challenge to find a new hide that was actually big enough and thin enough to fit her amazing 27-inch red oak steam-bent hoop...

When i asked the guys at the drum-supplier i work with, if they had any goat hides larger than 33 inches in diameter, they laughed replying that goats here just don't grow that big.... Though, they would let me know if something that large may come in.   They never let me know... so, i thought to myself that perhaps i may not find a hide that would be similiar to what she had before or big enough.   So, dear laughing wolf sat has remained open with no voice for the last three years.  I sure have missed her!

I considered using another type of hide though, it never seemed right... so, i continued to call and ask spirit for her new voice to come - trusting that perhaps one day, it would come.

A few weeks ago, i was back at the supplier picking up stuff for two drum-birthing workshops i had coming up for Vancouver and Gabriola.  After finishing going over the orders, i took a chance and was moved to ask the guys once again, if maybe they might have any large goat rawhides in stock - maybe one?... 

Lo and behold, Francis said he thought they might... and off he went out to their other room to check and.... brought back a large goat hide.  Together, we measured it up... it was real close to the size needed and so, i decided to take it home.

One of the first things i did when i got back was, to lay laughing wolf's beautiful hoop on top of the new hide to see if it was going to fit!  I was elated - it did!

About a week later, with the assistance of dear Joanie, we re-birthed laughing wolf... and, it was a beautiful thing to do together... and i have to say, she sure turned out beautiful... being a part of her new birth was a moving and deep experience for both of us... it was definitely a birthing, that's for sure... 'cause she's one big drum!  It was a big labour of love andi couldn't wait to 'hear' how she came through........

So, on a Sunday evening, the night before the full moon, on November 13th... i was thrilled to re-awaken laughing wolf along in sacred circle with wonderful dear souls here on Gabriola.... i can't tell you the joy we all felt to be witness to her sacred sounding and enlivening in that new-birth moment... it made me realize just how much we have missed each other and to again, begin building a whole new relationship - getting to know one another yet again...  Thank you Colleen for holding the space for us to do that... with much appreciation and joy....

Many years ago, laughing wolf, a beautiful qilaut frame drum was birthed for me - by master drum maker, John Millen of Thunderheart Drums in Baltimore... John is retired now... and three years ago, he was kind enough to share with me how he birthed a drum like laughing wolf... i wish to thank you so much John for your wonderful sharings and for birthing this beautiful sacred drum for me all those years ago...  

with much love to you with hoards of light... weaver x (((o)))
​

Below is a short video to hear her new voice............ x (((o)))

all above photos taken by carol weaver © 2016 copyright - all rights reserved

​"This stone i place here to mark this Singing Moon-Time of Abundance + Passing Within with the Wisdom of Grandmother Wolf... 

May her sacred teachings help me to become more deeply human..."

It's been an interesting time here on Gabriola these last few days as the month of September rolled in...

The crisp scents of Fall are definitely in the air as we move into this next cycle around the wheel... reminding us to think about getting prepared for the coming winter... The Farmer's Almanac is predicting a cold one this year...  One task we managed so far is, to get a couple of cords of wood delivered, stacked and ready  - quite the job to say the least... an opportunity to use those muscles i haven't used in quite some time = holy whoa!

I give many thanks to those Standing Ones, those trees who gave their lives so our home can be warm this coming winter...

This last week showed me some teaching about letting go - when you least expect it... especially with what i had planned for this recent past New Moon... i had journeying circles planned both for September 1st here on Gabriola and another for Vancouver this week - when i travel over for the Luminous Path which is beginning a new round...

And so what came into being was, both circles were not meant to happen... i won't go into the reasons why, other than to say, that each one had it's own releasings for not happening...  

I have to admit i was surprised that both ended up being cancelled... even after some of my own questionings, resistence and attempts to TRY and make them happen, i came to the realization that it was indeed all okay to let both circles go this time... perhaps good ol' Mercury Retrograde had a hand - who knows?

I also had to get over worrying about disappointing those who had planned to come... 

​When i was preparing for these next circles - Grandmother Wolf offered her guidance....She who teaches us about moving from the West to the North... the Teacher with sharp instinct and intelligence... sacred wisdom, the Sage and Elder... reminding us of our dear Ancestors who paved the way for us... gifting us with stamina... resilience... always reminding us of our own knowingness... 

It was the Cedar trees who spoke to me, asking if we could connect together - especially those here on Gabriola, who have been dying since our summer's long dry drought...  

Some folk we have met, who have lived on Gabriola a long time, mentioned that, over the years, the water table on the island has been shifting in response to climate change... confirming the beautiful cedars are feeling it the most...   in the last number of weeks, we have been saddened to witness that a lot of the cedar trees are dying rapidly all over the island...  The fire department was also announcing that they're concerned they are now becoming a fire hazard.

We give thanks for the recent rains that have come... helping to nourish our dry island home, the blessed trees and all her kin...

The English word, 'Cedar' comes from the Hebrew 'Qatar', meaning to smudge... indicating cedar wood was used in purification rituals and cleansing... The smoke of the cedar leaves are very cleansing and clearing of the energy/luminous body and spaces... First Nation peoples have and continue to use the sacred cedar to purify and cleanse in all aspects of life using all parts of the tree for housing, art, clothing, cleansing and ceremony ... The sacred Cedar was also known in many world cultures as the Tree of Life... the 'God/ess' tree... With blessed cedar, draw Earth energy and ground yourself, place the palms of your hands against the ends of the leaves...

So, if our New Moon journeying circle did happen, i was going to invite us to journey with Grandmother Wolf to the sacred Cedars, to simply connect with them and check-in... and so, because we're not meeting physically.... 

Suggested Journey...
​or, create your own...

This is the time of Passing Within... the cycle of Lammas and the element of water... This is the path of the mature adult who seeks to live responsibly and to bring healing... to find enlightenment to become more deeply human...

I invite you to explore this pathway when you wish to understand how best to act when the 'stuff' of life becomes overwhelming... when you seek peace in all ways......

I invite you to face the sacred directon of the West and... with all your senses embrace the colours, the sounds, smells and taste of Fall... connect with the Sacred Waters of Mother Ocean... her life-blood streams... her rivers and lakes... re-membering that 'water-knows-all-water indeed informs all water...

Find a beautiful place in nature you love or imagine where the grand Cedars reside near where you live... with Grandmother Wolf as your guide... She invites you to listen to the birds singing high in the Cedars... 

With Grandmother beside you, ask her to take you on a journey to the place of the singing Cedars... say hello when you greet them... create a sacred space in a circle including the Standing Ones and yourself...

Offer the Tall Ones an offering of gratitude for who they are and the gifts they freely give us.... for we wouldn't be here without the trees... as we breathe them and they breathe us... thank them for sheltering us... for warming us... for cleansing us... and feeding us in many ways......

Sit down with your back to one Old Tall One and connect deeper... again, use all your senses when you merge with her or him... feel the rough bark on your skin.. smell the musty damp moss in your nose... look up and embrace how s/he embraces you.... and listen deeply for a message s/he may share with you....................... take some time with this............................

 When you feel you have received your message or sense of one... hold the essence of that message-gift sweetly cupped in both hands in front of your heart center... gently blow with the spirit of your breath into your hands three times.... feel it... know it... receive it.... and then mindfully place that essence into your heart... giving thanks....

Now, offer your gratitude and healing for those Cedars who are passing within.... You're invited to hold a vision of their healed state as if it has already happened within this present moment... while holding this vision-dreaming, use all your senses of what that would feel and look like - drive it with your strong emotion resonance and vibration... know this is happening right now... dream it into being....... hold it strong for as long as you are guided....

When your journey feels complete... return back to where you began.... again, give gratitude for this blessed opportunity... close your sacred space and come back into the room or where you are...  close your own physical sacred circle-space and make note of any teachings or guidance you received during your journey...  also know that deeper awareness may still come later...

If you feel called, offer ceremony with a gift or despacho to the Sacred Cedars near you and/or hold them within your own mesa or bundle...

I welcome you to share any insights you may have received in the comment below... so we can share with each other as we do when we gather to journey... to share our wisdom and the knowings from Grandmother Wolf and the Sacred Cedars...
I thank you for connecting in and caring ... for they thank you too...

Wishing you many bright blessings...
with much love + light.. weaver x (((o)))

below... the blessed sacred Cedars of Gabriola....... 
photos by weaver x 

Above post, shamanic journey meditation + photos by weaver © 2016 - all rights reserved...
- the 20-minute journey drumming track, 'riding the wave' with rattle can be purchased + downloaded at cdbaby.com - from the album, 'journey with laughing wolf'
​- thank you for supporting my work... with appreciation, weaver x (((o)))

​Ms. Murphy Gray 
1999 - 2015

fa·mil·iar 
fəˈmilyər/Submit 
adjective
1. well known from long or close association.
2. in close friendship; intimate.

Gee, time flies!  It's already been a month since my sweet 'familiar' Murphy passed away suddenly (on the evening of May 8th, 2015)...

Good ol' Murph was in my life for 16+ years... that's a long time that overlapped a few pachas in my own life... it's hard to believe she's truly gone - i have to admit it all happened a tad too fast...

Murph was a constant heart-presence in my life... she especially loved being a part of sacred drum-birthing and all aspects of it... She would tend and hold space for the soaking hide whenever i was birthing a drum and enjoyed the sound whenever i played... she even liked the sound of the rattle...

Since she passed, our house is a lot more quiet in a funny, strange way... Her usual routine is completely gone now, which has some getting used to... I truly miss her being with me in every moment when i was home... we were best 'familiar' buddies on so many levels... we knew each other so well...

My heart feels much hurt tho also so full at the same time - an interesting feeling it is....... one i can only breathe through connecting me deeply...

And so, we now feel her spirit in a whole new way... my partner and i sense her often now in her 'familiar' spots where she snoozed, played, lounged and ate... i have caught her in the corner of my eye a lot - we know she is still with us... and always will be...

Murph, my sweet little four-legged... i really miss you... i miss your constant talking... your sleek Russian-Blue grayness immense beauty... our high-five's, playing 'Kato'-chase... and how much you taught me about deep love of the heart in any given present moment... thank you for this dear gift sweetie........

I know you're lounging in your usual Sphinx-fashion somewhere over the rainbow bridge... i honour you... i will never forget you...

i love ya boo! - your 'familiar' spirit, 
weaver x (((o)))

all photos of dear ms. murphy by weaver... © copyright - all rights reserved x (((o)))

update:  I thought i had repaired that little tear i wrote about a few posts ago - when laughing wolf accidentally fell and was wounded.... and out of the blue one day, i discovered the tear had split even more... it had grown sooo long that dear laughing wolf now requires a complete re-skinning... she will never ever sound or look the same again...... a major 'death' of sorts... stuff is definitely shifting...

Ouch!... it all feels pretty strange that she is no longer 'playable' or sounding her beautiful resonant voice... soon, i will be removing her beautiful torn goat hide and have called + prayed for a new voice-hide to come so i can re-birth her...

A wonderful thing has happened during all this... spirit guided me to finally find and re-connect with John, the dear man who originally birthed laughing wolf - it was wonderful to re-connect with him again and he has taught me much about this sacred drum... thank you John with so much gratitude and appreciation... i am so very glad we are back in touch... he is freely sharing his knowledge with me to re-birth laughing wolf myself this time... 

I know deep in my heart that i am grieving and at the same time, very aware that i am in a deep place of transition of 'what's next?' = a new pacha... the tear actually originated from the place of the east - the place of my 'becoming' and new birth...

I also find it quite interesting that i am care-taking yet another sacred drum without her hide and no physical voice... (the other is windwalker)...

Recently, i was guided to ask a question of an elder grandmother...

"Is there a message from our blessed earth mother's 'deep heart'?...

Without hesitation, a deep teaching came through dear grandmother...

"The deep heart of the mother needs healing........."

"...What does mother's deep heart need?...

"...allow your self to experience the frequency of that call........... [pause]...

...allow your self to know...if you hold your hands in Gaia mudra - with the thumb and the tip of the index finger together and the other fingers stretched out straight.........."

"...Your body is the deep heart of the mother... the mind and every cell of your body, in every nucleus of every cell is a resonant frequency that absorbs the messages from the deep heart of mother earth..."

"...You are the deep heart... when you go into the forest... you are the deep heart when you ride your horse over a pasture... you are the deep heart of the mother when you're swimming in an ocean - not a chlorinated pool..."

"...You are the deep heart because you're 70-80% liquid... When you're in a powerful natural setting, you are receptive to the 'signature' and 'pulses' of 14 billion years of earth...and, that's the message from the deep heart...and my advocacy for you is to join us in a journey to the deep heart of the mother..."

"...She is we and we are she now........."

Thank you grandmother for this deep teaching... with so much gratitude...

Perhaps having the responsibility of two very special sacred drums in my care at the moment, is teaching me a 'whole' new way of 'listening'... a way of 'wholeness'... 'be-ingness' and 'open-ness'... perhaps my dear drum - these two dear sacred drums are 'drumming me' for now...

...and that's okay - for now...

I continue to await for 'what's next' knowing deep within my own 'knower and the known' that, all that matters is the present moment of right now...

Bright blessings to you all with deep love and hoards of light - i look forward to being in sacred circle with you soon.... weaver x (((o)))

PS... another update... what's interesting is that my teacher's drum broke almost the same way two weeks prior to my drum breaking... of which i can't help knowing that perhaps this relationship of 'teacher/student' has come to a much-needed close...

"The wound is the place where the light enters you..." -Rumi
​
there are no accidents! x (((o)))