cry of the drummer...

grandmother flicker, the drummer...

Lately... i've been too busy again...  and so what else is new eh?...

Last Saturday i was attempting to sleep in a tad... to get caught up on some much-needed rest... and while i was lying about in and out of consciousness with the sheets pulled up over my head... i became aware that i could hear the cry of a bird outside... and it seemed to sound like the cry of flicker... (a woodpecker)...

This was no simple cry... or call... and as i lay there listening... the flicker kept calling and crying over and over and over... after listening to this for about 10 minutes or so... i finally dragged myself out of bed to go have a look to see what was going on...

When i got to the window and looked out... there he or she was... about 20 feet away in the yard, perched precariously on the top of a fir tree... still wailing away... it seemed he or she was yakking at me for some reason... i looked around to see if it was upset for some other reason... but there seemed to be no reason... the flicker just kept on crying and crying...

I love flickers and have a fond connection to them.... when i'm out walking in the forest... i love it when i sometimes hear the flickers or woodpeckers peck on an old, broken dead tree... it fascinates me how their fast drumming can radiate and echo for a long time... In the medicine/spiritual way as a totem... one aspect of the flicker is known to be "the drummer"... so, i can certainly relate to the flicker because i'm a drummer too... sometimes it seems that flickers will show up in my life to tell or show me something... usually when i least expect it...

Like one time a couple of years ago... when i was honoured to become the caretaker of a very special drum... a 27 inch Kilaut frame drum that was built for me by a master drum-builder from the eastern United States.... for some reason i'm not sure why i became very called to this particular drum... when i was first becoming acquainted with this drum, i was dealing with many feelings about feeling worthy to be a carrier of this drum... maybe i was also feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for this drum... as this special drum held much power and healing in some way... that was for sure... i can't tell you how i felt when that drum first "played" me...

Well... one day as i was going for a walk with my dog and my partner during that time... i was expressing some of those feelings to her... and as i had just finished expressing my thoughts of unworthiness and doubt... we suddenly heard a loud screech response high above us... as we turned back to look where this scream had come.... there, sitting on the tip of the tallest tree in the parking lot was a flicker... confidently swaying back and forth... staring at us... i swear almost laughing at me.... my partner said to me with a smirk... "well, carol don't you think that's your answer?"...

So... what was the message this time...? i'm not sure... as i went out on the porch to get a better look... i sat down on the chair to witness this event with even more curiousity... the flicker took flight and started to fly towards me in a wide circle and made it's way back to the same tree... it perched again and then did this flying dance a couple times more... and while he/she was flying, made this interesting warbling sound... when she/he got back to the tree and landed... continued to cry and call as usual...

I also noticed that off to the right, a little further away... were two more flickers... silently perched near each other on the tops of trees as well... like they were holding space or being a witness to the one crying and continuing to call... eventually, the flicker finally stopped crying and suddenly flew away... in the silence, i continued to sit in the chair and wonder... and also felt honoured by my being witness to a wonder of nature... was this event just a coincidence or really meant for me?

I'm still not really sure... maybe it was yet another message or an affirmation for me to know that i truly am worthy... that i am a human being on this vast earth with worth... like all human beings... maybe it was a reflection of how i've been feeling these past few months... a reflection of my own crying inside of all that i've lost and grieved... maybe i just didn't get the message at all...? Maybe it'll come to me another time? Maybe never....

or... maybe it was a message for me just get my butt out of bed and get on with it...

maybe?

weaver x (((o)))

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