where...?

takes me back to my journey with
my teacher margaret-mary...
almost 30 years ago..... 
during lammas ... walking on bodmin moor..
each foot sinking into the wet boggy ground as i walk...
my face being bit sharp... cold rainy windy shards.... 
i greet the hurlers + pipers of stone....
an awakening informs as i offer my hello + my breathing...
i have walked here before...
and my bones sing right out loud, remembering..............

​to be continued.......

weaver x (((o)))
​may 26/2019
​

Happy Bealtaine everyone!

On this day of Bealtaine eve... i've had much to ponder and give big thanks for... tho first, i wish to bid farewell to this past cycle of Imbolc... at the back door of our home...

Farewell to the Season of Imbolc...

Go with thanks and go with blessing...
Season of integrity...
Souls with truth are deeply freighted
Hearts are keen with innocence...
In the cold and darkness traveling...
You have come to brightest Spring.
Infant, who has grown to childhood...
Midwife, wise with mothering...
Touch the hidden beauty in us...
Help us soar on Summer's wing!
--Caitlin Matthews

It's been quite the last few months during Imbolc... lots happening... of amazing alignment + synchronicity all over the place... with much presence of sweet spirit...

My dear friend Allannah and i offered two Spring concerts together - one during the day of Imbolc and later at Spring Equinox... we were blessed with both shows full with beautiful souls sharing much love + beautiful spirit with our sacred music and song... I sooo love it when a full room of like-minds sing together with such warm heart... At the Netloft at Imbolc, during our last song, a whole flock of white gulls that were floating on the bay behind us, took flight and flew in circles 'as one' to the pulse of our music... where, they softly landed together ending our song - wow, what a blessing! 

Last month, i also found myself totally unexpectedly finding myself in Vernon (of all places!) in sacred circle with the wonderful Irish Seabhean, wise-woman Amantha Murphy who came all the way from Ireland to offer her work there... 

Talk about divine timing!

Who would have thought?... How all that came into being was frankly, one magical alignment and i know now, was meant to be, that's for sure... 

For the past year or more, i'll admit, i've been in a place of much uncertainty and feeling lost in some respects... I'm not sure those are the exact words to describe... tho, i've also been yearning + calling for clarity and perhaps a new guidance to work with... and...

Holy wow... i'm once again astounded as to how spirit aligns so powerfully when one simply asks... and it's up to me to get out of the frickin' way to allow whatever is meant to be... when it's meant to be...  I feel i've come to a place in my life where, i allow myself to simply be and trust as best i can... to cease focusing on the what 'isn't'.  I have to say it's a heck of a lot more fun to intend along with the blessings + gifts that continue to come my way and holy wow yet again......
+ i really know nothing anymore! 

During the weekend intensive sitting in sacred circle with 23 amazing women with Amantha lovingly guiding... i experienced deep healing... yet again, another layer of the onion of my life was profoundly peeled off - i was roto-rooted to say the least!... i felt such love + support from my beautiful sisters as they held space deeply for me... we all did for one another throughout the gathering... it was a potent weekend of learning... coming full circle to my beginning Celtic training (over 30 years ago) and my own ancestral roots... including, retrieving a rogue chunk of my soul... a whole new trust with myself + others... that it is even possible to trust + love again... to love myself and my life... to let go another shady layer of the old ways that no longer serve - to re-member that a lot of that old stuff wasn't even mine in the first pace...

i hold much gratitude to spirit... to my dear beloved partner - my anam cara, my wonderful friends i hold dear, to my dear sisters near + afar + to dear Amantha for holding such loving sacred space... to our blessed earth mother goddess Gaia for all gifts received.... to all that dark heaviness i have let go i know has been lovingly composted by Her... having been transformed to light!... 

This afternoon on the eve of Bealtaine... my sweetie and i decided to go out for a walk in the beautiful day of today and just 'be' at our local beach... we sat for a long while with the old stone, breathed deeply in the Salish Sea's refreshing + healing breezes under the crystal dome of the great big blue amazing sky... We felt good!  All is well...

So, i am very excited to be celebrating Bealtaine tomorrow morning... to  offer fresh flowers on my front doorstep... to wash my face with the new morning's dew... to welcome a new beginning cycle of protective fire of my passion... to embrace + honour the light of who i truly am... 

with brightest blessings of much light - thank you!
Happy Bealtaine to all... with much love...
​blessed be!  weaver x (((o)))​

i was moved to pull a moon oracle card this morning...

here's the reading that i got...  a good message... especially for the waning of this Imbolc time moving into the next circle of Bealtaine... 

what do i cling to in time of need?...
what holds me faithfully in my life?...
the power resides in everything we touch, see, smell + hear...
i am surrounded by light + life...
mama moon sends her strength to me + draws signs above my head to show i am a part of the circle of all things...
from the heart of the swirling energy of all the world...
​lines of strength stretch out to hold me...
i know in my bones i am held...
the brightness is everywhere!

with much love + hoards of light....
blessed be, weaver x (((o)))

Above video taken of Allannah Dow (cello/vocals) + weaver (guitar/vocals) during their Spring Equinox Full Moon Awakening Soundscape concert, March 21, 2019... on beautiful Gabriola Island, BC... 

Thank you to ALL who came out and to the Gabriola Arts Council for the wonderful resonant space at the Gabriola Arts + Heritage Centre... 

Many thanks to North Road Sports for handling the tickets, Philip McAdams for filming the show... for Sandy Murray for opening the show with his wonder-full Walsh pipes, for Joanie + Cameron handling the door... and, thank you to Louise for capturing the video above with her iphone... 

​with brightest blessings, love + light, weaver + Allannah xo (((o)))

And, the winner is...
Antonia Comuzzi of North Sannich...
Congratulations Antonia!!

Thank you everyone for entering the draw for this rattle - we had a total of 67 entries and the winner was drawn March 6th at about 9pm...  Happy New Moon to all!

hi there good folk...
One of my spirit rattles is needing a home... so, i'm giving her away...
​
The draw begins now, until New Moon, Wednesday, March 6th, 7:30pm...

IT'S EASY TO ENTER...

1. Fill out the online form below >>
2. This is a free draw (mailing cost to winner will apply)...
3. Only one entry per person, thank you...
4. The winner will be chosen on Wednesday, March 6th... Winner will be announced on this page + my facebook page after the drawing.  I will also contact the winner to make arrangements re mailing options.

In the sprit of giving... If you wish, i also invite you to make a donation to the Gabriola Skatepark - Keep on Pushin' Go Fund Me >>

• Enter the draw here >>
• More about the spirit of this rattle here >>

Click each photo above to view larger... below, a short video to have a listen...

* i respect your privacy... by participating, you won't be added to any mailing list or my own... If you do wish to join my mailing list, please click here >>

Birthed with love by me, this lovely rattle is 20-inches long in total... with the star-head, approximately 4.5 x 4.5 inches... She's birthed with the spirit of deer (hide) + painted in gold acrylics on one side.  The wood-burned handle is from a piece of beach wood i found where i live on Gabriola Island - it is trimmed in a green jute... inside are seed beads, corn, black basalt pebbles and other pebbles found on Sandwell Beach on Gabriola.  Black basalt stone helps to clear + calm chaos - so this is a great clearing + healing rattle... it holds a strong clearing sound...
- Retail value of the rattle is $135
     
About the spirit of deer... 
"Be gentle with yourself and offer kindness to all living things..."
     
Heart, heart, heart... When we are working on the natural laws of circulation – the circulatory system, the Heart – then Deer is our spirit-heart.  Many of us are taught to “figure life out”, so we live in our heads with little attention to our hearts.
     
Gentle deer teaches us about 'sensitivity' and opens our heart Chakra... teaching us to trust and to empower the feminine qualities of Love and Wisdom... she shares with us that there is spirit within everything... everything is living, breathing...  
​     
When we are healing “poverty consciousness”, the self-limiting belief that there is just not enough time, money or love... drumming with Deer reminds us that we live in an abundant universe, with more than enough of everything.  Deer helps us learn the Laws of Circulation – when we feel unloved, then it is time to 'be love'... to love others, and that love will return many-fold...

Deer can also teach us about the spirit of gentleness and understanding - to be gentle with ourselves, to offer kindness to all living things.  Deer also connects us to our true essence as an extension of source-energy of who we truly are...

good luck + feel free to share...
with brightest blessings of much light,
​weaver x (((o)))

Enter to win this rattle in the form above...

I love that the above quote by Alice Walker showed up when it did the other day = there are never any accidents eh?

This last week i was blessed to hang with a dear friend...  We had some good time to connect and catch up with one another's work, our art and spirit path...

It's always good to be with an ally... a sister who shares their authenticity... to truly understand some of the 'same stuff' we deal with as beauty-makers on a daily basis... it helps to know that we're not alone keeping on... keeping on the path as we are continually called...

We talked about 'wounds' and particularly... how our core wounds, can continue to inform our lives... and, how they can run silently in the background like some insidious screwed up program... broken and sickly... barely going though still operating...  I sometimes call it the 'default' that kicks in or triggers you when you least expect it... playing with + hampering our self-worth...

And....... it's interesting how stuff can align too... It's like when we bring awareness to something, deeper awareness and healing comes right in the moment... After our lovely time together that afternoon with new awareness shared between friends... back home,  while i was mindlessly scrolling through my photos, i stumbled on an old portrait of me someone had sketched in pencil.... and, there it was... that old sketch - not very big... very simple, looking back at my soul...

I was drawn to journey within this drawing which took me back to the time in my life when it was drawn - in my early 20s...  A time when i was searching for meaning in my own life... of autonomy and independence... finally getting out on my own to find my own way.  Though at the same time, i was a walking zombie of confuzzed wounded-ness - not knowing who the heck i was...

I journeyed back even further to re-visit some of those places ... woundings in this life-time and even further back to a past-life awareness that had come up for big healing along my path years previous... I know now that those 'agreements' that i made as a child are not even my own agreements...they're someone else's - who didn't know themselves either... who had been wounded too... who were just living their life the best they knew how... i had forgiven that remnant long ago... 

It made me realize just how much 'all of that' narrative that was mindlessly served up to me within daily, traumas big + small - i sucked up like a sponge, like all children do... and those old stories stayed 'there' deep within my sensitive being... as set-programs continuing to run on default from that moment forward... 

Revisiting this place brought deeper awareness as, i also stumbled on the above quote by the wonderful + wise Alice Walker... where profound healing or how i like to call it... 'another layer of the onion has been peeled away' yet again... i have let a lot of crap go... and the 'story' that goes along with it... that is no longer serving me... it's all gone back to the Mother that she lovingly composting + transforming back into 'sami' light... 

"Healing begins where the wound was made."
--Alice Walker

I give thanks and gratitude to my sister-friend for her wisdom + caring ear the other day and my friend who sketched that lovely portrait of me... and i know why i kept it... and, i so wish i could remember her name - which has left me... (when it comes, i'll certainly give her the credit she is due here)... i love this sketch and how it was rendered = ie., no chair!...

I still remember clearly the afternoon she drew it... and gifted it to me later that day 40 years ago - somehow she was guided... she knew she had captured something healing for me... (her original is to the left) and...

The other 'version' i posted at the top of this page, i had some fun artistically 'reclaiming + retrieving' back yet again another beautiful piece of my soul that has been held within the love + the safety of our Mother's arms all this time.... perhaps a 'new self-portrait of the being of light i truly am.... 

Thank you my dear friends... i love you...
brightest, weaver x (((o)))

​This last summer, i was at an outdoor event where i was asked to offer ceremony for a group of people... it was being held in a beautiful space in the verdant forest here on the west coast...

As folk were gathering, i was in complete awe of the forest beauty in front and all around me... and, simply enjoying the moment as i waited for folk to settle in for the ceremony.

Just being there was so healing... rich in fresh cool air during one of the hottest days of the summer...

About 15 feet away, right in front of me was one particular very tall and ancient cedar tree... an old soul 'grandmother' who greeted me seeming pleased we were gathering to create sacred space together - that 'we' were actually acknowledging this sacred landscape...  It was good to connect as i continued to wait... she welcomed me and was curious...

One man walked by and around the old tree and looked up at her as he was chatting with his friend... I overheard him say...

"Wow, that's a big one eh?... I wonder how much it's worth on the market?"
​
His comment startled me though didn't surprise me either...

I sighed quietly and shook my head in disbelief to myself knowing his perception of this grand old tree, who was probably 200-300+ or more years older than he, was only seen as an 'object' or a 'product' that held monetary value and nothing else...   He didn't seem at all awed by this old soul's beauty, presence or deep knowledge she held from being rooted in the earth for so long.  His mindset was just what could be earned or taken from her and our mother.

My heart aches as our culture continues to perceive our blessed earth mother as a resource to be used and abused... where she is our source... for, we wouldn't be here without her!

Sharing some thoughts that arose from being a part of a group that explores the power of 'vibration' and 'sound' together...

This morning, i was quite stunned, moved + honoured (with a group of dear souls) to witness through sound, just how much heaviness good people are carrying so deep within them...

The sounding exercise offered was a uncomfortable one for most of us... we were asked to simply 'sound' and go with it...

What i particularly found interesting was that, no one expressed their 'sounding' of joy or love of life... though chose or were moved to sound a wide range of emotions of deep sorrow, anger, frustration and hurt - even chaos and indifference... The soundings were definitely a strong expression and perhaps a release on many levels... we all found it a powerful time together - almost un-nerving perhaps..?

I couldn't help but wonder also, what i witnessed, was perhaps, just how much of that heaviness the overall collective of the world is carrying..... the world is very weary + so sore.... i know we're all feeling it on so many levels...

Perhaps this 'sounding' offered some healing to the world...? 

i feel there is hope... as part of my path + daily practice is to re-member the tools i have been taught + gifted.... that our blessed Earth Mother, Mother Gaia, Pachamama, the beautiful, living + breathing be-ing she is... is always here for us... despite all the heaviness she endures - she keeps on going strong...

I trust + embrace that the ratio of what's going right with our dear Mother outweighs that which is not right... she knows who she is and has endured for thousands of years + will continue to...

Our earth mother offers us a simple, yet powerful sacred gift... and, we have forgotten this sacred gift... She reminds us to re-member to simply let go of the heaviness, the darkness that keeps us bound... She lovingly receives it with love, transforms + composts it back into 'sami' light... She's good at taking our shit - our own heaviness... and, that is a good thing and, it's necessary for the world... i believe that is part of a balance + the sacred relationship or partnership with her, we have lost...

We can choose to feed her as she feeds us... to return to the ancient beautiful reciprocity of 'right relationship' as one with our earth mother - to connect again with the land(s) that hold + sustain us = to acknowledge + celebrate she is our Source, not a resource...

For, we wouldn't be here without her! ...
(i invite you to think about that for a moment)... x (((o)))

ps... i will write more about this 'heaviness' + how we can simply release it again soon... 

There's always time to say thank you... 
One way i offer my gratitude, especially for our beautiful earth mother, is to offer a 'flower despacho' - which is a gift of prayer in mandala form... I will take flowers + other found earth-bits (like leaves, sticks, pine-cones, etc) and mindfully 'blow' my prayers/intentions through the flowers + bits and place in a beautiful arrangement on the ground... and then, allow it/let it go to compost on + into the ground, so my prayers become part of/embodied with her...
An offering like this doesn't have to be elaborate = keep it simple + free!... x (((o)))

This month i joined a new group offered by a wonderful musician, here where i live - something of which i'm very excited about.

​Going to the first session this week was wonderful as i found everyone very much interested and very keen to explore sacred sound and how to learn overtone chant... 

A number of years ago, i was thrilled to be initiated in overtone chanting by Matthew Kocel, an overtone chanter + sound healer from Vancouver, BC... 

It also felt really great to be a part of a group of like-minds... and i am particularly excited to explore with others about 'sound healing' that i've been engaging with for many years... i particularly get excited about being in a circle with others where we can work with sacred intention (dreaming) together 'as one'... as i so believe in the power of numbers who gather together.   I have experienced this a lot over the years from offering sacred drum circles and trainings - as 'sound' musician + sacred drummer...  

At our first gathering, Leah offered us sounding circle Invitations... and i hope to journal more about my experience being a part of this wonderful and special group...

• “All of life is vibration.” – Albert Einstein
“Sound connects us to the vibratory nature of all things.” – Jill Purce

I do agree and have experienced in my own life that yes, 'all of life is vibration' and 'sound connects us particularly through our vibrational emotions...  Emotion = Energy and thus does create our life from the present moment forward... I love the quote, "Tomorrow never comes" because 'tomorrow' is not now... 

I have learned through the sacred drum that when i play my drum, i can only be within the present moment of 'now'... and the sound vibrations i sound through my drum go out into the world and return ten-fold... so, a big part of my practice is to really be mindful of where i'm at when i drum or better yet, how i 'feel' + what i'm 'vibrating' through my emotional state in the present moment... I have learned that we can only create our lives from the present moment of now forward... So, i ask, 'Where are you or what are you feeling right now?'...

• Each day become of our own breathing...
Take a few minutes and breathe consciously listening to the sound of your inhale and the sound of your exhale... I'm always amazed as to how much i hold or am aware of how tight my breathing can be - especially when i'm too busy or stressed... i used to love circular breathing on a regular basis... at one time years ago, i experimented with 'Rebirthing' - which i found to be a powerful experience and very healing...

• Working with intention... and what i like to call 'dreaming'.... 
“I am aware of the vibrational nature of my environment” (or) “I am aware of the vibrational nature of all things through sound” or others... Connect with your intention before you begin to make sound." Again... my practice is to keep coming back to how i'm feeling (what is my vibrational resonance)?... Since living here on Gabriola, i've been deeply moved with getting to know the animals and birds who live with us so closely here on the island - it's been such a joy to meet them and learn how sensitive they are... i wrote about a profound experience i had meeting a beautiful doe, a young mother deer who connected with me one day in our yard.  I was astounded as to how we deeply communicated together, just through the resonance of our eyes... I shared this experience with the group...

• Overtone chanting, toning and humming...
Take five minutes (or longer :) and overtone chant and/or hum and/or tone (links below will be helpful)... i'm really excited and looking forward to deepening this practice for my self and my own healing and expanding my own sacred voice... 

• Wondering...
If “all of life is vibration” … what does this mean? How do I live and relate – day to day – as though all of life is vibration? With my family and friends? In my community? In my work? With my possessions? Allow your own listening, and the idea that sound connects us to the vibratory nature of all things, as portals into the question (note: I invite you to energetically carry these questions with you – not to analyze or assess how you live (i.e. not in the head!) – but rather as gentle companions to an embodied, in situation inquiry and exploration).

• Noticing and journaling...
Notice if there are any shifts or changes in your daily life: They may be subtle and they may seem insignificant. Keep a journal – writing, drawing, both – of what you’re noticing.

• Sharing... Each week in the Circle we will take 10 minutes (give or take) to briefly share our experiences...

Some useful links to share... on overtone chanting and healing power of sound with renowned sound healer, Jill Purce...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUjV3SWXFiU&t=3s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guANw889h84&t=349s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-y6g7X6esQU

I birthed my first drum over 25 years ago with my first teacher in Celtic shamanism.  It sure was an amazing and growing experience.  Back in the early 90s, i was part of a sacred healing circle of about 15 or so women where together, we all birthed the same type and size of shamanic drum - a 16-inch Elk...

At the time, when i was apprenticing, i was asked to help out with that women's drum birthing workshop - being in charge of care-taking the hides... which meant making sure the hides were soaking well overnight in my studio-space bath tub.   The next day, i brought them all back to our workshop space for us to birth our drums in ceremony.

Back then, i was vegetarian and for me, to handle huge soaked Elk hides was a tad un-nerving, to say the least - especially after they had soaked all night, weighed a ruddy ton!!  They also smelled horrible and felt sooo alive!  I learned that when an animal has been chosen or chooses to transition it's life to become a sacred drum - that, during the sacred act of birthing a drum, they are reborn to be in service to our blessed earth mother - to now be her steward as her sacred voice, heart-beat-pulse... learning this helped a lot for me during this time in my life...

When i got back to the workshop space with the wet hides, the teacher asked me to lay them all out on top of a large tarp and told all the women to choose one...  As i was putting them out, each woman quickly chose their own, where, very soon only one hide was left... i didn't get to choose - my drum's voice/hide had been chosen for me!

Learning how to pull a big drum with a very thick Elk hide (as a full-wrap around the hoop) wasn't an easy task - on top of sitting on the floor to do it... Our teacher also didn't really show us how - she basically walked around the room dropping us each an instruction booklet that had come along with the drum supply-kits she had ordered from Cedar Mountain Drums in Oregon... I have to admit, i did find it challenging to birth my first drum having to read the steps line-by-line... I remember sweating a lot that day = definitely a labour of love...

​As we all came to completing our drums, the teacher did come around at that point to help us with the final pulls to make sure the strong thick hide was completely wrapped smoothly around the frame.  I was quite happy to have the help at that point as my hands were so sore and tired...

While the hide was still wet, when i held it up with the light shining through, the shape of a huge bird in flight revealed itself right through the middle on the back side... Though, when my drum was birthed, as she dried and came into being, a new spirit emerged forward in the front ... i saw the amazing old face of an old white grandmother wolf... she was stunningly beautiful and so present... and has been a part of my special drum ever since her birth... One time, years later, a beautiful Metis elder asked to sing a wolf into my drum as she knew that spirit was very present as a part of my sacred drum... i was deeply honoured to be witness as she sang her sacred gift into my drum... grandmother wolf is still very present guiding me...

The whole process of birthing my own shamanic drum was life-changing for me and, i have been deeply blessed to have had the opportunity to share and pass on the gifts that were shared with me - to assist others to birth their own sacred drums and continue to.  My sweet drum has taught me a lot over the last 25+ years and continues to... Through her, our blessed earth mother continues to share deeper teachings to share with others and my students...

What i found amazing back when i birthed that first drum was, how amazingly strong and resilient rawhide lacings are when wet and dry...

Rawhide dries very rock-hard strong... and when i look at a few of my lacings on the back side of my drum, i am still amazed as to how strong yet vulnerable and fragile they are... and so are we... my own 'heart strings' have been good teachers...

These lacings are still holding the voice of my drum very strongly - even after 25+ years! 

This, my first drum i birthed... my beautiful grandmother wolf drum, my dear friend and ally continues to reflect to me my own inner heart strength and the fragility of all life... She teaches me that it's okay to be vulnerable and that i have the power of choice within any given moment to resonate who i truly am as a be-ing of light and love...

I stand within this present moment... to offer my deep appreciation and gratitude for the gift of the sacred, healing drum - and all that she continues to teach me... I also give many thanks to my teacher who shared the gifts she had been given, to me...  thank you grandmother wolf for being a beautiful teacher...
​in deep munay of love + light, weaver x (((o)))

​photo @ right...

An actual photo of heart strings (tendons) inside the human heart...

It is known that the heart strings can sometimes break after a deep emotional trauma causing the heart to lose form and, as a result be unable to pump blood effectively... You can literally die from a broken heart...

Oh, how fragile, yet so strong we all are.......x (((o)))